14 Rules for Waiting on Bar Exam Results


It’s November, and that means bar results are nigh. For those in sensible states like California, it’s a countdown to Nov. 21. But for those in states like New York, waiting for your results is kind of like watching paint dry over an open wound.

Whether you’re still looking for a job or on the verge of Living the Dream, you’ll need to pass the time somehow.

1. Don’t tell the senior partner that you think you failed

When it comes to bar results, don’t think. It can only hurt the firm and you.

2. Try not to think about the dormant Commerce Clause issues raised by the produce at your local grocery store

Nobody really cares.

3. Go out of town for a weekend

Win or lose, you won’t have a break after you get your results.

4. Stop dreaming about adversely possessing Alaska

Sarah Palin is back, it won’t work.

5. Don’t try to issue spot while watching Law & Order

Leave that to Jack McCoy.

6. Spread a rumor that the bar results won’t come out until January

Then wait to see how long it takes to get back to you.

7. Don’t give away your Bar/Bri books just yet

You never know.

8. Don’t brag that you know you passed

Hubris will only come back to bite you in the ass.

9. Pray

10. Remove inappropriate pictures of yourself from Facebook

The partners and your clients really don’t want to see that post-bar drunken picture of you shaving a donkey in Mexico. That way, if you pass, you won’t get fired.

11. Bitch to your laymen friends about how unfair it is that you have to wait so long for your results

After you get them, nobody will want to hear you complain about anything.

12. Avoid giving legal advice

You don’t have your license yet and even if you did, you don’t know anything anyway.

13. Don’t expect much sympathy if you fail

You’re a lawyer, you’re supposed to have a license.

14. Don’t expect much in the way of congratulations when you pass

You’re a lawyer, you’re supposed to have a license.

Check out other lists, tallies and scores to settle in Bitter by Numbers.

Michael Estrin, one of the founding editors and writers for Bitter Lawyer, is a writer, journalist, and author of Murder and Other Distractions, a novel about a dead ex, casual sex, tacos, and killer Internet traffic. Follow him on Twitter or check out Bitter Lawyer's interview with him.

5 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    November 8, 2008 at 10:36 am

    You’re kidding with this, right?  This site has fallen so much since it started its embarrssing.

  2. Waiting for my results

    November 8, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    It is a joke. That’s the point. Get over yourself.

  3. Anonymous

    November 9, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    What about:  “Go out and get laid if you pass!” It worked for me.

  4. CC

    November 9, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    ya, get over yourself….actually thought it was dead on and kind of funny.

  5. southern bitter

    May 2, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    how about, don’t cry during the exam? epic fail.

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