August 2009

Bitter News, 8-31-09

by Bitter Newsroom on August 31, 2009 in News

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom to break up all the legally defined death right now:

• Not a great legal day for the nation’s leading automaker—basically their corporate airbags deployed, and it’s game on.  “One of Toyota’s former lawyers [Dimitrios Biller] claims that for years the automaker had engaged in a conspiracy to obstruct justice by illegally withholding important documents in hundreds of product-liability suits brought against it.” That means crusty legal situations from top to bottom. [The New York Times]

• The tired topic of getting an offer from a law firm is hardly played out for anyone…who doesn’t have an offer.  However, an argument is being made about how the revoked guarantee of a big-money BigLaw job for those with perfect pedigrees may expand the world of law beyond the standard lawyer lifespan.  “As the jobs with large salaries disappear, law students will draw on the thoughtfulness, intelligence and perseverance that got them into law school in the first place in order to find employment that they actually find rewarding. They will also find creative ways to pay their loans and other expenses.” Well, ‘creative ways’ is probably a little broad.  [The New York Times]

• “No offer in hand?  Then you need a plan.” Here are some relatively obvious things 3Ls in an “I got nuthin” situation can do, and it always helps to read it.  Wouldn’t hurt to learn a song and dance that lets employers know why you’re a better hire than an experienced, laid-off lawyer willing to work the same price. [Texas Lawyer]

• Maybe prospective 1Ls can learn from their 3L big brethren: It’s time to shift consciousness and start thinking about how “a cheaper, less prestigious law school” might still land you an decent job.  [The Am Law Daily]

• I hate working virtually, but some people are good at it.  I guess.  [Crain’s New York]

• Don’t you wish you lived in a world where staying home with your kids meant going to law school.  His name is Jerry O’Connell, and this is his planet.  [Celebrity Baby Blog]

• They say used-car salesman, spammers and lawyers are the most-hated professions.  But here’s a fun fact: Lawyers created spam.  Two immigration attorneys introduced the world to unsolicited emails when they began advertising their green card lottery services in 1994.  [Philly.com]

• Here’s a kicker: Florida Gators player Jonathan Phillips has a backup plan if pro football doesn’t work out—being a lawyer.  Loftier dreams: Being hired by a law firm or being drafted by the NFL?  That’s honestly a close one.  [PalmBeachPost.com]

• As if human healthcare issues weren’t crazy enough, we’re already debating pet care costs and frivolous pet care lawsuits?  Oy.  [The Washington Post]

• Americo Delgado, “a Mexican lawyer who has represented some of the country’s best-known drug suspects” (including the so-called ‘methamphetamine kings’), was attacked by three men and stabbed to death outside his home on Friday.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Ex-Detroit Red Wings MVP Sergei Fedorov finally got to reclaim that paltry $60 million he lent a friend.  A circuit judge ruled in his favor, but it’s only a step to banking it back.  [Chicago Tribune]

• Gays: Helloooo, this is Vermont.  Where are you?  You can get married here now.  Please come—lawyers and bed and breakfasts are praying for your business.  [The Washington Times]

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I’m Not the Partner’s Pet

by Ex-Bitter on August 31, 2009 in Columns

My problem is twofold:

1. I have absolutely no rapport or connection with the Partner for whom I work.

2. The Partner overtly favors the associate behind me who has six-months experience.

I am a female, second-year associate at a top-tier firm, and I was recruited laterally from another top firm 12 months ago. The Partner I work for is female, as is the associate behind me.

I have tried over the past year to engage with my boss, but she shuts me down very abruptly every time—to the point I don’t even feel like trying to make small talk with her as she will literally give me a one-word answer and either walk away or go back to reading, writing or checking emailing. I made a very conscious effort when I first started on her team, but after six months of frosty, blunt replies, I admit I have somewhat given up.

As a result, the fractured non-relationship I have with her is impacting my workflows, and I know if I do not do something about it, I will be in serious danger of losing my job. Some weeks if I do not go and say “Hello” to the Partner, I will have no verbal contact with her the entire week. This is contrasted by the many trips she makes down the hall to the other associate’s office, where they laugh and chatter away.

The other associate gets better work than I do, and she gets more of the Partner’s time, better instructions and feedback on her work. In addition, the Partner has gone against firm policy by allowing the other associate leave entitlements that no one else in the firm has available to them—such as five weeks at full pay for a European trip.  Meanwhile, I was denied leave for one week to go back to my home state for a family funeral when I had accrued the leave. My boss eventually granted me the leave, but she insisted I had to take it unpaid.

Can you please advise as to what you think I should do to build a better relationship with my boss and suggest some strategies in relation to dealing with the favoritism she shows to other associate?

Okay, so the Partner you work for doesn’t really dig you.  Making things worse, she really digs this other, younger associate.  Happens all the time.  In banking, Hollywood, law, plumbing supply companies… Sometimes you just don’t like someone. 

When I was a Partner at a Big Firm, I hated lots of associates.  It’s just the way it is.  Sadly, there’s not that much you can do about it.  It’s like dating—sometimes you click, sometimes you don’t. 

But here are some helpful suggestions nonetheless:

1.  Try to be a more-productive, self-sufficient associate

Partners like efficient, smart, drama-free associates.  The better you are, the more she (and every other partner there) will “like” you.  Professionally anyway.  When I was a Partner, I always judged associates based on their productivity compared to their personality.  If you were smart, it was okay to be slightly annoying.  If you weren’t productive, it wasn’t.

2.  Begin to network with other partners

Clearly, you need to find greener pastures, so start chatting up other partners in your practice area and try to get involved in their cases/transactions.  Be persistent.  There has to be a partner somewhere who digs you.  If there isn’t?  Well, that’s a “you” issue, not a “firm” issue.

3.  As for trying to redress the favoritism issue—Don’t

It’s not your issue, sister.  Let it go.  Focus on points 1 and 2 instead.

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Caption This! Aug. 29-Sept. 4

by Bitter Staff on August 28, 2009 in Comics

What in the Bitter Lawyer is going on in this picture?

Put your lawyerly wit to the test and post a comment with a hilarious caption about these orange jumpers.  And keep it clean.  (Ish.) The editors’ favorite entry will be announced next Saturday, September 5th.

Editors’ Pick (August 22-28):



ajc: “Do you really think he was sexually harassing you when he asked about your pussy?”

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Bitter News, 8-28-09

by Bitter Newsroom on August 28, 2009 in News

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom weirder than Bacon Busters, Garden & Gun, and Sheep!:

• This judge is so busted. And he has ruled that he’s pretty damn desperate.  “Judge Donald W. Jackson, 59, offered to get the young woman ‘a different attorney to get her case dismissed if she would be interested in the defendant and enter into a relationship with him that was more than a one-night stand.’ If convicted, the 17-year judge could face up to a year in jail and a $4,000 fine.” Which is why God gave us mail-order brides.  [Houston Chronicle]

• Speaking of judges, they’re RICH!  Sotomayor may not be, but the penis state (without nuts) has some high-end courtroom masters. Palm Beach Circuit Judge Elizabeth Maass narrowly took the prize with a reported net worth of $7.2 million. On her heals, Miami-Dade Circuit Judge John Schlesinger and his “telegenic” looks are worth $7.18 million.  Though not all are created equal.  One judge in South Florida, Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Leon Firtel, listed a negative net worth—$33,002 in the red.  [Daily Business Review via Law.com]

• Any old Skadden associate can write a book.  But there are far fewer to whom you might shout “Free Bird!” and be taken seriously. Stacey Kray is an associate at Skadden in San Francisco who’s also a bluesy, crooning singer/songwriter.  Kray is the winner (and sole entrant) of The American Lawyer’s challenge to write a firm “love anthem.” She submitted “Skadden You Gladden My Heart,” so we’re submitting her as the coolest thing (in an ironic way) to happen to law this week.  You may not agree, so as our boy Ashby says, “If you gotta go with the snark, we ain’t gonna stop you.” [The American Lawyer]


• “Former Harvard Law School Dean Elena Kagan, confirmed as Solicitor General by the Senate in March,” will make the final decision whether to ask the Supreme Court to review the case of federal agents who seized drug test results of major league baseball players.  [USA Today]

• A 13-year-old girl wants to sail Dutch around the world, but a judge in her home country won’t let her.  “A Dutch court ordered authorities to take temporary guardianship of a 13-year-old girl on Friday, delaying her plan to sail solo around the world until psychologists can assess her capacity to undertake such a risky voyage.” [Chicago Tribune]

• The aftershocks still continue to quake in response to The New York Times’ most-depressing article about the bone-dry job market for law school grads.  Everyone online can’t help but comment—from The Atlantic to The Atlantic to The Atlantic.  Ann Althouse held out as long as she could, but she finally weighs in on how there is no implicit agreement that paying big money for a JD earns you BigLaw job.  [Althouse]

• Fortunate enough to actually have a BigLaw associate gig?  Be especially careful when you’re outside the office.  And what ever you do, don’t wear sports bras, take Jujitsu classes, drink, shop, talk or breath on the weekends.  Unless you want to get fired.  [The Snark via Law.com]

• Now for a segment with an uninteresting title called “Interesting Lawsuits”:

—Law student called bullshit on her grades and won a 4-year battle to have her marks upgraded.  [Times]

—Jeremy Piven made producers’ mercury rise when he won his seafood suit. [Artsbeat]

—Lisa Marie Presley is being sued by her former nanny over “self-entitlement” issues.  [KTLA]

—School board settled with lawyers kid who had crossed burned into his arm by a teacher. [10tv]

—ABA sues the FTC over their inclusion of lawyers in its definition of creditors. [ABA Journal]

• Got legal fees?  The U.S. will grab the tab:

—“CIA Director Leon Panetta decided Thursday that the agency will ensure legal representation for case officers who become caught up in investigations of alleged interrogation abuses of detainees at overseas locations.” [The Washington Post]

—“The Justice Department has agreed to pay for a lawyer to help a former State Department official fight Italian charges that she participated in the alleged CIA kidnapping of a suspected terrorist in 2003.” [Associated Press]

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Bitter Factoids 14

by Bitter Staff on August 28, 2009 in Columns

Harry S. Truman once said, “We must have strong minds, ready to accept facts as they are.” Show Harry your strong mind and wrap your head around these.

403

Total number of male registered members on LawDate.com, which bills itself as the “first full-service social networking site designed with lawyers in mind and the non-lawyers who want to meet them.”

613

Total number of female registered members on LawDate.com.

50

Number of years retired Supreme Court Justice David Souter has put a restriction on public access to his papers, “barring anyone—researchers, historians, friends, journalists—from viewing the material,” according to The Legal Times.

100

Distance in yards a judge ordered R&B singer Chris Brown to keep from Rihanna, according to The New York Times.

10

Distance in yards a judge ordered R&B singer Chris Brown to keep from Rihanna when attending “industry events,” according to The New York Times.

15

Percentage of corporate legal bills that are audited by a third-party before being paid, according to a quote in a CFO.com article attributed to Michael Rynowecer, president of legal-industry research firm BTI Consulting Group.

7

Percentage drop in spending by Fortune 1000 companies in the first three months of 2009 on outside legal services, according to CFO.com.

70,422

Number of followers “Rex Gradeless,” Saint Louis University School of Law student and founder of the blog Social Media Law Student has on Twitter, which is said to be the most of any legal Twitter user.

126

Average number of followers per Twitter user, according to guardian.co.uk.

97,281

Number of women lawyers in the country of Italy, according to The Council of Bars and Law Societies of Europe. With a female population of 30,699,543, approximately one in every 315 women is a lawyer.

71,079

Number of women lawyers in the United Kingdom, according to The Council of Bars and Law Societies of Europe.  With a female population of 30,488,622, approximately one in every 430 women is a lawyer.

14

Number of women lawyers in the country of Liechtenstein, according to The Council of Bars and Law Societies of Europe. With a female population of 17,450, approximately one in every 1,250 women is a lawyer.

3:1

Student-faculty ratio at the new University of California at Riverside Law School, according to The Los Angeles Times.

400,000

Approximate number of members of the American Bar Association.

2.5

Estimated percentage of member dues the ABA uses for lobbying efforts.

45

Number of days a small, lucky number of law students will have to consider an offer from Skadden, Arps, according to a Bloomberg story.

52

Number of years a Wake Forest University law school graduate was missing his class ring after leaving it in an airport bathroom before being reunited with it this week, according to NBC Chicago.

$10-$50 million

Rough estimate of assets and liabilities for Masry & Vititoe. Best known as the real-life “Erin Brockovich” firm, Masry & Vititoe has filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, according to The Ventura County Star.

$228,552

Base salary for attorney Ed Masry (played by Albert Finney in the movie Erin Brockovich) at the time of his death in 2005, according to The Ventura County Star.

$256,271,286

Approximated amount grossed worldwide by the film Erin Brockovich, according to BoxOfficeMojo.com.

9

Ranking of the movie Erin Brockovich, according to the ABA Journal’s list of “The 25 Greatest Legal Movies.”

Got a fascinating factoid to share? Of course you do. Email us at .

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Bitter News, 8-27-09

by Bitter Newsroom on August 27, 2009 in News

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom harsher than Anna Wintour calling you a sad-looking lawyer:

• A law student spent a week in a Chicago jail over a case of mistaken identity—and he’s looking at the injustice as a learning experience.  He really had a chance to let the inmate perspective soak in, and his court-appointed attorney really sucked it.  So he’s going to be taking that compassion ahead with him in his career.  Likely into corporate law where he won’t have to deal with that crap.  [UPI.com]

• How do you add to the impressive job-title trifecta of attorney, prosecutor, judge?  For George Richard Fox (AKA Dick Fox) it’s by adding the all-too-expected “indicted for possessing child porn.” [KMOX]

• Lawyers are being attacked by those pesky words all too often these days: Social networking.  In a profession slow to embrace the powers of Twitter (apparently there are powers), technophile lawyers are gloating, thinking they have an advantage.  But you have to be careful because your online presence can annoy the hell out of people really quickly.  Based on CNN’s “The 12 most annoying types of Facebookers” comes five simple ways to be e-connected as a law student without making peers, lawyers, recruiters (and the taxman?) wretch.  [The Shark]

• The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals gave a 70-page opinion with a 9-2 ruling that federal investigators’ seizure of drug-test results of more than 90 major league baseball players was illegal.  BigLaw can be thanked for the win, but the court of public opinion is hardly feeling sorry for A-Rod, Sammy, Manny and Big Papi.  [Associated Press]

• “Tim Donaghy, the ex-NBA referee who served time in a federal prison camp for betting on basketball games, got called for a traveling violation Monday – and it cost him a trip to the county prison.” His wife thinks the arrest is crap and wants her divorced finalized.  Plus, he apparently had he knee beat on by the NY mob in prison.  Feeling un-jealous yet?.  [Philly.com]

• The legal legacy of Ted Kennedy: His life counted in billables.  [The National Law Journal]

• “A judge on Thursday approved Michael Vick’s plan to repay creditors who are owed $20 million and emerge from bankruptcy on the same day he was scheduled to return to the playing field with the Philadelphia Eagles.” So basically creditors are now huge Eagles fans.  [Associated Press]

• With half of BigLaw jobs already gone for next year and the economy-induced layoffs still trickling in, attorneys have been looking at more lowly career alternatives to stay in the law—mainly paralegal positions.  But wait!  What about a full demotion to law librarian?  Here’s a word on that: “It is totally inappropriate to have an attorney in a library … because most attorneys do not have the necessary library science skills and degree to work in a law library.” Yeah, but it’s a job—even if the working conditions are possibly deadly.  And library science is a one-credit-hour GPA-padding course at most colleges.  I think you could handle it.  However—there’s unexpected competition: Filipino people.  They’re being told how hip and sexy it is to do library things, and now they may be out for those jobs in droves. “Today’s new breed of librarians have broken free from those dank and dusty school libraries, the century-old stereotypes, and have evolved into dynamic, progressive and most-sought after career people employed by large corporations, IT companies, hospitals and law firms.” Wonder what these guys think?  And for God’s sake, I hope they’re hip. [Manila Bulliten]

• Regardless of culture, head scarves are so fashionable this season and should never be removed til spring.  [USA Today]

• A video follow up on Monday’s article about how Pfizer leading the corporate desertion of the billable hour.  Hear the philosophy on why they’re only paying flat fees and forming a “legal alliance” straight from the pharma-horse’s mouth.  [Wall Street Journal]

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I Want It All and May Get a JD

by Ex-Bitter on August 27, 2009 in Columns

Post image for I Want It All and May Get a JD

QI’m presently enrolled in the MBA program of a top-five B-school. My interests are the following: Politics, political theory, consulting (media, advertising, political), marketing, and someday entrepreneurship.

I am 100% certain about wanting the MBA. I know that the business education and networking opportunities it will provide will only help me in the long run. And the long-term vision I have for myself is owning my own political consulting/media consulting firm. But it doesn’t end there.

Let’s just be clear that I’m not kidding myself. I want to live comfortably and make decent money. But I do believe it is possible to earn six figures and keep one’s soul. I care deeply about activism and scholarship. I want to contribute to the understanding of political science and philosophy—I want to be the next John Rawls. I want to help shape the local, state, and (someday) the national agenda. I want the whole Don Quixote experience—chasing after windmills like socialized medicine and marriage rights for GLBT partners.

However, I don’t want to be “the guy.” The one that gets elected and lives his life under a microscope. I want to be the guy that helps him, advises him, and perhaps gets a hefty chunk of his ad buy.

For several years prior to the start of my MBA (which begins in a week), I knew I was aiming for a JD-MBA, regardless of whether I earned them in a joint program or independently. I thought a JD was the only option if I was interested in political advising/consulting/media work.  I then took a step back and thought about it. I now think a PhD in political science or political philosophy might be better aligned with my interests. I have NO desire to be a corporate lawyer. I would much rather spend sleepless nights toiling over a dissertation (something that will at least create new knowledge) than a client’s case or private equity positions.

My university has excellent dual-degree options for both a JD-MBA and PhD-MBA, so either is a possibility. What are your thoughts? I really need some guidance here, and, thus far, I have found few who can offer any help. I place my faith in you.

AWow, I’m honored you place your faith in me. Especially since you’re way more focused than I ever was. I’m also honored that someone so ambitious and earnest is a Bitter Lawyer fan.

Having said that, here’s my advice: If you really are that committed to political/media consulting and “making a difference,” I’d go for the JD/MBA. First off, it will take less time and cost less money. Second, a law degree is a great tool for political science and social reform. I actually riffed a lot more on this topic before and, instead of rehashing it, refer you to “I’m Deciding Between a JD and a JD/MBA.”

Whatever you do, good luck.

Bitter News, 8-26-09

by Bitter Newsroom on August 26, 2009 in News

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that make you wonder why you don’t have a $50K begger job:

• “’Take my mother-in-law — please,’ isn’t a joke you’re likely to hear often these days from Sunda Croonquist. The veteran comic is being sued by her mother-in-law after making her the punchline of too many jokes.” M-i-l Ruth Zafrin is tired of being the topic of, what she calls, Croonquist’s defamatory and racist routines.  (Video of her in-law bits here.) Luckily Sunda is married to a lawyer who’s firm is representing her.  And hardly a single First Amendment lawyer thinks there’s really a case, but where there’s a lawsuit, there’s a career boost.  She’ll be thanking her mother-in-law soon.  Trust me.  [AP via Yahoo!]

• Speaking of career boosts, one of our own, Living the Dream’s “Nick” (AKA John T. Woods) guest stars in tonight’s episode of the Jerry Bruckheimer series Dark Blue on TNT at 10/9C.  Check it out below—I think good ol’ boy Nick Conley has gone rogue. [Dark Blue on TNT]

• Here’s the story that everyone’s talking about.  And has been for months.  It’s yesterday’s NYT story that opens: “This fall, law students are competing for half as many openings at big firms as they were last year in what is shaping up to be the most wrenching job search season in over 50 years.” We mentioned it yesterday with Skadden as the whipping post and several times before.  Big-firms-with-big-paycheck dreams are being interrupted by small-firms-with-tiny-paycheck nightmares.  How bad is it really out there?  It’s bad.  Enough to make LawShucks famous for reporting the carnage in bar graphs.  Stop acting surprised.  [The New York Times]

• Want to get a real taste of the deleterious ire over BigLaw?  Here’s what “Law is 4 Losers” has to say: “Welcome to reality, comrade. You’re barreling head-on into the Stalag 17 of temporary doc review hell! Welcome to $28 an hour straight time, along with cockroach infested basements and retina-burning hours of staring mindlessly into a computer screen. Did I mention the complete lack of health insurance? The lying, pimp-daddy temp agencies who skim 20% of your paycheck each week, cut rates and overtime mid-project, and do everything short of fellatio to keep the sociopathic, money-grubbing Biglaw partners happy at all costs?” And there’s about another 1,800 words to go with it.  [Big Debt, Small Law]

• A little diversity issue on the federal bench.  “President Obama changed the ethnic makeup of the Supreme Court by choosing Sonia Sotomayor to be the first Hispanic justice. But her elevation reduced the number of Latina federal appeals court judges by one-third.” And like all great things, this story comes with GRAPHS!  [The Washington Post]

• Not breaking news to you, I’m sure, but Senator Ted Kennedy died yesterday at 77.  He was a University of Virginia law grad, and his second wife, Victoria Reggie, whom he is survived by, is also a lawyer.  His strong views, including support for abortion rights after Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision in 1973, showed his willingness to stand up for his beliefs. [Newday]

Update: University of Virginia Law School remembers Sen. Kennedy.  [Virginia Law]

• What may be news to you is the oddly timed headline: “Half brother to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis accused of possessing child pornography in Oregon.” [AP via Chicago Tribune]

• A U.S. district judge dismissed a gay marriage lawsuit that challenges the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act.  “Richard Gilbert, the lawyer handling the case for the plaintiffs, said he would accept Judge Carter’s invitation to submit it again.” And that just sounds gay.  [The Washington Times]

• The law firm that gave us such lines as “They’re called boobs, Ed” and “What you might expect someone to pay you for your uterus, Ms. Sanchez” is going bankrupt. Masry & Vitotoe, the firm portrayed in the movie Erin Brockovich filed chapter 11.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• Even though there is a previous history of violence (and aside from Brown claiming he wanted to plead guilty right away even though Geragos would let him), Chris Brown was sentenced yesterday to five years probation—with 180 days of “hard” community labor—for his beating of Rihanna.  But he got a few of those hours behind him last night by doing some heavy lifting of his hands in an LA nightclub.  [E! Online]

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The Window Seat to Hell

by Bitter and Abused on August 26, 2009 in Columns

You want to know what annoys me to the point of claiming “Associate Abuse?” It’s the fact that I spend more than six hours flying per week, but I can never sleep on the plane.  It’s not because I have a fear of flying or because of those uncomfortable seats. The reason I can’t sleep is because my boss sacks out before the plane can even level off!  Plus, as I see it, there’s been one occasion of really crossing the line.

We’ve been making the same three-hour flight together twice a week for the last six months (and will be for some time to come), and I can hardly think of a single time he hasn’t used my shoulder as a pillow, invaded my legroom and blocked my access to the aisle or bathroom.  Because, of course, he always “let’s me” have the window seat.

Trust me, trust me, trust me! I’ve thought of every possible way we could possibly book separate seats, but even though it’s a long flight, it’s still a commuter jet with one class of service and only 60 small, crammed seats.  I’ve asked his secretary who makes all the reservations several times about getting separate seats, but she acts like she’s under strict orders to put us together.

No matter what, my shoulder feels like it’s been through hell by the time we land.  He’s a large man, and I’m a tiny, 5’3” woman. It’s a total mismatch; and I often struggle to keep from being crushed under his weight.  But I guess that’s why he likes it so much—he knows he will never get stuck to anyone sizable enough to cramp him.

Oh!  And he snores!  Um, and I mean that it’s loud enough for me to hear him over the cabin noise. And as long as I’m totally calling him out, there have also been a few occasions of drool.  After he practically ruined one designer top, I cling as close as I can to the window when I know he’s in really deep sleep.

So this all leads up to what happened last week.  We were on our regular 7:10 flight at the beginning of the week when I reached up to adjust the air.  As I did, my boss—asleep as usual—moaned and slid his right arm firmly and directly across my chest.

That’s right.  I got felt up.  By my boss.  While he was sleeping.  If I could have jumped out the goddamned window, I would have.

I had a really terrible reaction and said something (I don’t remember what), and it must have been loud enough to wake him.  Through his sleepy eyes, he just starred at me, but he didn’t apologize, even though I’m certain he knows he did it because he had that stupid, sheepish look on his face that all men get.

I folded my arms and played defense for the rest of the flight. I just wish the bastard had been awake when he groped me because I’m not sure about the merits of a sexual harassment lawsuit where the defendant is unconscious.

Ever since that day, I’ve been a complete rag to him.  I can’t help it.  But I don’t think he even cares, so what’s a girl to do?

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Bitter News, 8-25-09

by Bitter Newsroom on August 25, 2009 in News

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom, a place the Obamas should never vacation:

• It’s like a bad breakup all over law school campuses this fall.  Firms don’t want to lead students on and give them “false hope” that a relationship will work out.  Skadden is leading the headlines of firms, among others, who are cutting back on 2010 Summer Programs.  They’ve announced plans to only hire about half their usual class (they had 225 this year) for next summer.  Skads will also “extend offers to students from different law schools on a single day, Sept. 22, and give the students 45 days to accept the offer.” [The Am Law Daily | Bloomberg]

(News continued below video.)

• Nobody loves Tucker Max quite like Tucker Max.  And maybe the random chick who hooked up to him last night.  Coverage of our interview with the narcissistic Duke Law School JD got some Gawker love today, while Tucker celebrated his upcoming movie last night by living the sequel—and risking a misdemeanor by having sex with a nice, young lady on the goal line of Univ. of Florida’s Ben Hill Griffin Stadium (AKA The Swamp).  For those who don’t believe his stories, there are pictures to prove it. [Gawker | I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell]

• Morality guidelines might not only be for college hoop coaches and puss reality show stars anymore: “The top lawyer who put rapper Remy Ma behind bars is calling on record company executives to insert a ‘morality clause’ in artist contracts in a bid to crack down on violence in the industry.” But would a world without legit rappers even be possible?  Do we want to know that world?  Let’s ask Antavio Johnson.  [Post Chronicle] Hehe… ‘Chronic-le.’

• “Too much _____; How about _____?” Legal edition!

—Too much “Cash for Clunkers”; How about a judge on trial for “Cash for Kids”? [WSJ Law Blog]

—Too much “Newly Minted Irvine 1Ls”; How about some 2006 advice for 2Ls? [Volokh]

• Lawyers behaving badly:

—Lawyer charged with stealing clients’ mortgage money. [WTEN]

—Lawyer accused of bribes and making it rain in strip clubs to get a $34 mill settlement.  [Chron.com]

• “Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. named a veteran federal prosecutor on Monday to examine abuse of prisoners held by the Central Intelligence Agency after the Justice Department released a long-secret report showing interrogators choked a prisoner repeatedly and threatened to kill another detainee’s children.” Mainly because they should stick to one tactic now that a new study shows that multi-tasking isn’t effective.  [The New York Times]

• Get down with your bad self and SCOTUS Chief Justice John Roberts when he gets his party on at the University of Michigan Law School on September 11th.  [Detroit Free Press]

• LaToya thinks Michael Jackson was murdered, his death was ruled a homicide, the doc’s lawyer says his client’s words were twisted, yadda, yadda.  But how can we spice this up?  Here’s how: HE’S STILL ALIVE!!  It’s a Thriller.  [Chicago Tribune]

• “A seasoned immigration attorney has sued the UI College of Law, alleging that officials refused to hire him purely because of his age.” Why didn’t Iowa wants a super-qualified prof in the winter of his life who might die soon?  And what the hell can someone in their 40’s teach anyway? [The Daily Iowan]

• Let’s chew the fat.  It seems people—or at least the media—seem hungry for law shows on TV again.  We mentioned early love for CBS’s fall legal drama The Good Wife in yesterday’s news, and we have covered Raising the Bar in the past.  Now, NBC is looking at making the panic-attacking Rex Is Not Your Lawyer, and fat chicks are all the rage as Lifetime’s dramedy Drop Dead Diva about a twiggy, hot chick trapped plus-sized lawyer’s body is scoring a huge ratings serving for the network.  [Philly.com]

• A chimp mauled my sister’s face off.  Can I maybe see some record of what the hell the state was doing leading up to that?  Thanks.  [Boston.com]

• Before we go to Madoff—Look, a woman can Ponzi with the big boys! [The New York Times]

• It’s not a tumor.  Madoff doesn’t have the big C.  Not sure if that makes people happy or disappointed, but he’s supposedly cancer-free.  Meanwhile Frank DiPascali, Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC former CFO who pleaded guilty on Aug. 11, had federal prosecutors in NY court yesterday asking a judge to order “the seizure of DiPascali’s 61-foot fishing boat, Dorothy Jo; a 2009 Audi S5 Quatro; and two Mercedes Benz cars.” [Bloomberg]

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