Bitter Newsroom

According to WSWF TV, strip club workers in Atlanta successfully argued against a zoning change that would have forced their clubs to relocate. According to the story which is sourced to the Associated Press, “Residents in the neighborhood say the strip clubs are bringing down property values and contributing to home and car break-ins and [...]

According to Reuters, James Cleaveland and his gang of merry-coin-giving-men are the subject of a law suit seeking a restraining order to prevent these hoodlums from putting change where it doesn’t belong. In the city’s parking meters. According to the article, “Cleveland and a group of friends took to the streets with pocketfuls of change [...]

According to the Phoenix Sun Times, police arrested Bret Saltus for a number of crimes stemming from his alleged streak of drive-by masturbations. How did he get into this sticky situation? According to the article on the Times’ blog, “police say he’d pull over his truck, open the doors, and masturbate in front of children, [...]

Now that marijuana is legal, Seattle bus drivers have been instructed to put any small amounts of marijuana they find left on the bus in the lost-and-found box. Of course we can expect them to treat mislaid marijuana as they would any other lost property. Surely they’ll dutifully place any schwag weed they find with [...]

The Chinese Government opened an investigation into Zhanga Yimou after rumors surfaced that he may have seven children in violation of China’s one-child policy. The Chinese film director is responsible for the Beijing Summer Olympic Opening Ceremonies that led Eric Cartman (noted American isolationist) to take over a P.F. Chang’s in South Park, Colorado. According [...]

Dennis Rodman, transvestite/sports player, took time out of his busy schedule of trying on wedding dresses to tweet at Kim Jung Un. Why? Because Rodman wants his buddy “Kim” to stop being a total d-bag. Mr. Bae is an American business man who was arrested in North Korea because the DPRK says he was trying [...]

NBC News reports that an Illinois woman was arrested last week for a DUI. When questioned by police, the woman explained that she was drinking to celebrate. Celebrate what, you ask? Getting her license back from her previous DUI suspension. But the woman didn’t actually have her license back yet. According to the Riverside police [...]