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Gregory Luce
The following is a transcript of a witness deposition conducted by two California lawyers during an automobile personal injury lawsuit from July 2012. It is being reposted here on the web solely for educational purposes.
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So, you’ve been working at your law firm for seven or ten years or whatever amount of time it takes these days to “make partner.” As the goal of partnership gets closer, however, something begins to smell. You can’t quite pinpoint it, but there’s something in the air that makes you ill at ease, signs that things are not going well. To be specific—and in case you had not yet pinpointed what exactly is going wrong—here are five essential signs that you aren’t going to make partner.
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An illustrated guide to the ancient art of using karate-style objections at trial.
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Just when you thought a law degree was worthless, along comes Cofficer of the Law to remind you that, yes, you can practice law effectively from Starbucks, especially if armed with irony, a deep disdain for hard work, and a Venti skim pumpkin spice latte. Make no mistake about it, Cofficer of the Law can outmaneuver almost any BigLaw associate—in doing menial things like checking for legal marketing Twitter updates and commenting on Above the Law.
A native of Brooklyn, Cofficer of the Law rolls with no sidekick other than commandeering the person sitting next to him at the coffee shop—who doubles as an affiant for whatever legal needs walk through the door. Watch out, Dr. Evil Tannebaum, this cofficer is about to practice law—at a cost of $3.55 cents a day.
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This letter confirms our conversation in the breakfast room on March 10, 2012, in which I said “Good morning,” and you said “whatevs.” This also confirms that, for reasons I believe were apparent, we did not discuss matters further.
This letter confirms last night’s discussion over dinner in which you indicated that you “never really liked” your mother’s chicken fricassee or her jambalaya. This was the first time I had heard you indicate such a preference to me or to your mother. Based on our discussion, it is unlikely your mother will serve either of these dishes in the near future. Please inform me in advance if this should otherwise not be the case. Also, for the record, we were eating paella.
Click the image for a more readable version. Or check out other graphs, diagrams, and Bitter Lawyer comics, including Form Rejection Letter and One Lawyer’s Letter to Another, Explained.
1. Mahlon Pitney
2. Morgan Shepherd
3. Russell Scott Riggs
4. Lucius Lamar II
5. Howell Jackson
6. Bushrod Washington
7. Samuel Hornish, Jr.
8. Stan Mathews
9. Landon Cassill
10. Robert Alan Labonte
11. David Davis
12. Pierce Butler
13. Carl Michael Edwards II
Cheater’s Key
Supreme Court Justices: 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, 11, 12
NASCAR Drivers: 2, 3, 7, 9, 10, 13
If we have our timing right, most law schools are buzzing with new activity, with first-year students in the middle of orientation or about to head off to start their studies. But what if it’s all a big mistake? What if you’ve gone to the wrong law school? Here are thirteen important things to look for to determine if you’ve made the wrong decision.
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