All posts by Matthew Richardson

  • How to Ditch a Firm Fling

    Dana, the voluptuous 23-year-old paralegal I was banging, asked me to talk dirty to her one night. I’m not a fan of dirty talk. But...

  • Problems With "The Help"

    The other day, I asked my secretary to get me a file. She told me to ask a paralegal who was “familiar with the deal.”...

  • Watch Your Ass, Lateral!

    I am a creature of habit. At 3 p.m. everyday, I stroll to the bathroom with a hardcopy of The Sports Guy’s latest ESPN column...

  • The Keys to My Kingdom

    I was drunk.  I was horny.  And I was figuratively charming the pants off of Alicia, a second-year associate who I would consider hot by...

  • You’re Fired… I’m Sorr-Jealous

    You know who I feel bad for? (Yes, I feel sometimes.) I feel bad for Frank Sacks, a 40-something associate. Who just got canned! You...

  • Printer Nirvana

    Some lawyers despise the printer more than they despise their friends from high school who work at hedge funds unaffected by the downturn. Other lawyers,...

  • Minority Report

    “Matthew, I need your help with something,” the senior partner said as I stepped into his office. Even I couldn’t get you laid with that...

  • Strippers and Ghosts

    Somewhere between Crystal’s pole routine and me drizzling her body with my Kettle Tonic, I started writing down the names of everyone firm-related actually at...

  • BigLaw Sexy Beast

    Normally, one of my favorite parts of this tremendously rewarding profession is the closing dinner. Fancy meal at a top-notch steak joint. Six to eight...

  • Padding Hours: If I Did It

    Is it illegal to overbill? According to the “law,” yes. Is it unethical? According the ABA “code of ethics,” yes.