Bieber Fever


Justin Bieber needs Justice Beaver. According to a new lawsuit filed against the popstar, by a Michigan man claiming to be Selena Gomez’s father, the Biebs is in a bunch of trouble. Read on for a list of my favorite highlights from the lawsuit.

  1. Bieber stole $426.78 dollars to pay for an abortion “because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my Canadian bear rug.” Not the bear skin rug! Come on Bieber you are better than that. Also, $500 bucks? You made $60 million last year alone. You should be chillin’ by the fire eatin’ fondue.
  2. Justin apparently stole the man’s credit card to buy him and Sean “P-Ditty” Combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones. Since when do drug dealers take American Express? Weird. Anyways, I’m pretty sure that is what the kids call swag these days.
  3. Bieber also used the credit card to buy penis enlargement, which apparently work because he is cheating on the man’s daughter with Ke$ha, Rihanna and Penelope Cruz.
  4. “Usher Raymond came to my house on the Fourth of July 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring Kate Perry firework song in my ear drums.” I got nothing to add to that sentence. It is the greatest piece of prose since Billy Shakespeare.
  5. The lawsuit ends “I’m an emotional mess . . . America must boycott Bieber’s music!” Bieber will never stop. The kid has golden pipes for days.

Happy Friday Legal Community . . . at least this guy isn’t your client.

 

Douglas Stephan is a solo attorney and owner of the Law Office of Douglas A. Stephan. He received his JD in 2010 from Ohio Northern University and BA from Ohio University. His practice is located outside of Dayton, Ohio. You can follow him on Twitter @stephanlaw.

2 Comments

  1. Jerry

    October 27, 2012 at 8:47 am

    If he were smart he should be selective into who’s twat he shoots his wad into. Better to limit the Weenie’s placement into the mouthes of whores who are incapable of shoving his spunk up their wazoos to claim he’s the daddy.

  2. Ashley Casas

    October 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Oh dear, haven’t laughed this hard for quite sometime! The funniest lawsuit I have read about so far.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>