Bitter Factoids 9

Actress Marlo Thomas once said, “Never face facts; if you do, you’ll never get up in the morning.”

Thespians may have that luxury, but we’re pretty sure lawyers don’t.

26

Number of American law schools that offer an LLM in taxation.

146

Number of legal layoffs that have occurred on a Saturday since Law Shucks began tracking downsizing late last year.

30

Number of legal layoffs that have occurred on a Sunday since Law Shucks began tracking downsizing late last year.

$80,000

Approximate amount former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich could earn per week as a contestant on NBC’s I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here, according to UPI.

3

Number of real lawyers who were allegedly duped by Howard O. Kieffer, a Duluth, Minnesota man convicted of impersonating an attorney, mail fraud and making false statement, according to the Associated Press.

40

Approximate number of years it has been since the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office has secured a conviction of a celebrity for the crime of murder, according to The Los Angeles Times. The streak was broken this week when a jury found record producer Phil Spector guilty of the murder of actress Lana Clarkson.

$15

Amount American Lawyer founder Steven Brill hopes people will pay per month in subscription fees to his latest venture, Journalism Online, which is building a network to collect so-called micro-payments for internet news outlets, according to The New York Times.

52

Percentage of Generation Y legal professionals who consider it appropriate to “friend” a work colleague on a social network, according to a LexisNexis survey.

20

Percentage of Baby Boomer legal professionals who consider it appropriate to “friend” a work colleague on a social network, according to a LexisNexis survey.

3

Number of times Debevoise & Plimpton partner Jeffrey J. Rosen has been named a Dealmaker of the Year by The American Lawyer magazine.

6,300

Approximate membership of the American Board of Trial Advocates.

16

Number of Harvard Law graduates working at Patton Boggs.

25

Number of University of Texas Law School graduates working at Patton Boggs.

9

Number of Baylor University Law School graduates working at Patton Boggs.

3,685

Number of lawyers who say they’d rather be a Pirate, according to Facebook.

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Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.

10 Comments

  1. BL2Y

    April 17, 2009 at 3:06 am

    0 — Number of times I wish I applied for a job at Patton Boggs after they stopped using BLOW .  (Once there were no more blows, I figured there was nothing there for either one of me).

  2. Wilbur Moore

    April 17, 2009 at 4:26 am

    It seems that Friday’s are day for these guys to slack off, again, and it’s not even good friday.

  3. BL2Y

    April 17, 2009 at 5:57 am

    This isn’t advice on how to keep a man.  This is how to keep an empty shell of a man.  Do you really want rules on how to bring a man down so much that he’ll settle for being with you?
    Here are some real tips on how to keep a man.
    1. Stay fit.  This one’s just obvious.
    2. Shave your legs, put on make up, do your hair, and do you other hair.  Yes girls, we really do care that your legs are a little prickly.  We might still have sex with you anyways, but we’re not going to like it.  And if you’re wondering why your man hasn’t gone down on you, it’s because he’s afraid of getting lost in the jungle.
    3. Stop complaining about everything/trying to fix what you don’t like about us.  If I want to spend my time with a wet blanket, I’ll just piss on a blanket.
    4. Go out to bars and clubs with your man.  A lot of the fun of having a hot girlfriend is showing her off and feeling like the man when you get to tell the losers trying to hit on her to scram.  Let your man have his fun.
    5. Learn to cook.  Men love food, and a good cook will keep us around.  This doesn’t mean that you can stop at just learning what are the good places to have him take you to dinner, or learning what places have good take out.  We can get a Zagat’s.  We can check where you’ve ordered from recently on Seamlessweb.  I mean actually buying some groceries yourself and cooking a meal.
    6. Be more sexually aggressive.  Your man wants to feel like you’re attracted to him.  I don’t mean asking him to give you a back rub.  Asking us to do chores is not the same as initiating sex.  A blowjob is initiating sex.  And, don’t ever say you’re too tired for sex.  We’re never too tired if the girl is attractive enough, so when you say “I’m tired,” we hear “You’re fat and ugly.” We’d prefer a women who actually appreciates us, and if we don’t think you do, we’ll go find one who does.
    7. Get a calendar.  Keep it in a conspicuous place.  Write down things you want him to remember on it.  The trick here though is to do this without being passive aggressive about it.  Do it as a genuine favor and to avoid fights in the future, not as a way of saying “Is this what you need, you big stupid oaf?”
    8. Lose the misandry.  Don’t insult behavior you consider boyish.  Even if you think your man is mature, and you’re talking about behavior in other guys, you don’t know if your man used to be that way, or secretly envies the guys with a more carefree lifestyle.  When you start trying to tell him what it means to be a man, he’ll start telling you where you can hail a cab.
    9. Don’t ask us to hang out with your girlfriends if you know we don’t like them.  We don’t want to be stuck out for drinks listening to three of your girlfriends complain about how all the guys in the city are immature assholes.  And don’t ask us to set our friends up with your fat friend.  And, if you do, don’t ask us why we don’t have any friends for her.  It’s because she’s fat.  If we don’t introduce your friends to our friends, it’s because your friends are fat.  Do you really want to make us say it?  You know it, we know it, and your fat friend better figure it out.
    10. Let him win some arguments.  A lot of women complain that their man never opens up to them emotionally.  The reason is we know it’s going to turn into you complaining about us.  We’ve read the Art of War, we know not to get into battles we’re not going to win, and so we avoid conversations likely to turn into fights.  And when I say let him win, this means actually letting him win.  It does not mean guilting him over the victory so he does something nice for you in return.

  4. BL1Y

    April 17, 2009 at 6:30 am

    BL2Y: Just post a link next time?

  5. Anonymous

    April 17, 2009 at 7:01 am

    Wilbur is a slacker everyday.

  6. Anonymous

    April 17, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Yes, but at least Wilbur is able to get some hot babes–mabye that lesson from BL2Y is directed at his girlfriends.

  7. Anonymous

    April 17, 2009 at 9:42 am

    I doubt anyone who goes by he handle wilbur gets hot babes. Not in this century, not in the 20th, and probably not in the 19th.
    Well, maybe Wilbur Wright got hot babes. That airplane thing was impressive.

  8. BL1Y

    April 17, 2009 at 10:25 am

    @9:40: The list isn’t from BL2Y, it’s from the BL1Y blog.

  9. Anonymous

    April 17, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    Wilbur Wright got some top crotch.

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