Bitter Factoids

Mark Twain once said, “I am not one of those, who in expressing opinions, confine themselves to facts.”

Here are 15 compelling facts from Bitter Lawyer.  We leave the opinions up to you.

5,528

Number of lawyers on Facebook committed to bringing sexy back.

2

Number of Weird Al Yankovic songs found in Judge Alex Kozinski’s online porn stash according to Boing Boing.

160

Total number of the Am Law 200 firms that provide BlackBerrys. (Information courtesy of Research In Motion.)

$85 Billion

Total value of new student loans issued for 2007-2008 according to Forbes.

11

Number of chapters Allen & Overy’s Moscow-based associate Deidre Dare was able to publish from her online novel before her bosses in London told her she would have to cease because the book was “too racy.”

2

Number of women explicitly looking to date male lawyers on New York City Craigslist as of 1/21/09.

7.4

Average rating on a ten-point scale given to The Paper Chase on Rotten Tomatoes.

5

Number of Brooklyn Law School graduates working as attorneys at Cravath, Swaine & Moore

0

Number of Brooklyn Law School graduates listed as partner at Cravath, Swaine & Moore.

34

Number of lawyers on the 2008 Forbes list of the wealthiest 400 Americans.

1

Number of Yale Law graduates who failed California’s July 2008 bar exam according to the California Bar Examiners.

327

Number of positive votes the term “TTT” has for the definition third-tier toilet on Urban Dictionary.

88,000

Approximate number of claims filed in a BAR/BRI class action suit.

$163,744

Salary of the Alabama Attorney General, who ranks second among all state Attorneys General according to Legal Newsline.

144

Number of pages on Harvard Law School’s website that contain the word “Obama.”

Got a fascinating factoid to share? Of course you do. Email us at .

Check out other lists, tallies and scores to settle in Bitter by Numbers.

Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.

43 Comments

  1. Bill Dugan

    January 23, 2009 at 5:00 am

    15 — Number of Different Female Law Students I made out with (3rd base or above) in my 3 years of law school before I realized I would not be compatible with because of their common shallowness, desire for money, and extremely poor personal hygiene.  These three character flaws have caused me to seek out women who are not admitted to the bar.

  2. BL1Y

    January 23, 2009 at 5:56 am

    0 Women who will gain VIP access to my private parts without a committed relationship.

  3. BL1Y

    January 23, 2009 at 6:46 am

    Here’s how you identify fake BL1Y: He’s even less funny than real BL1Y, a feat only fake BL1Y can accomplish.

  4. Alma Federer

    January 23, 2009 at 6:56 am

    I can’t tell them apart.  The false piety of BL1Y in both posts leads me to believe they are both one and the same asshat.

  5. Ex-BigLaw

    January 23, 2009 at 7:25 am

    Oh come on, are you serious?  Does anyone actually believe that BL1Y would insist on a serious relationship before bedding down with someone?  Fake BL1Y is not even trying this morning.  Come on FBL1Y, if you’re not bringing your A game to the table, don’t bother playing.

  6. Bill Dugan

    January 23, 2009 at 8:20 am

    Agreed, but Alma is also a bit of a putz today, too.  Alma, no one is going to be interested in a “relationship” with a hot-headed tart like you; and I wouldn’t even want access to your cooter for a one night stand.  You need to learn not to be so friggin’ opinionated.  That is why you are scaring the men away.

  7. Alma Federer

    January 23, 2009 at 8:34 am

    NADA-ZERO (0):  The number of chances I would ever give you, Dougan (or BL1Y, for that matter), to access my “cooter”.  (I thought that expression belonged only in Arkansas, but I gues it has spread north).

  8. Shiraz

    January 23, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Agree, good factoids—some were suprising. Can we all stop talking about BL1Y?! who is he? BL1Y, give us a factoid—are you really a lawyer?

  9. BL1Y

    January 23, 2009 at 8:49 am

    4: Number of hours I’ve billed this month.

  10. Anonymous

    January 23, 2009 at 9:00 am

    They say BL1Y is employed as a troll for the Bitter Lawyer website.  BL1Y “protests” that there are two of him.  If he’s not a troll, he’s a dweeb.

  11. SDL20

    January 23, 2009 at 11:23 am

    that failure from Yale must feel like a douche

  12. Anonymous

    January 23, 2009 at 11:44 am

    I knew a guy from Yale (minority) who was dumb as nails. He failed the bar 2x before he was let go.  Just because you go to Yale does not make you smart.

  13. Alma Federer

    January 23, 2009 at 11:53 am

    I think the men on this site ought to have wet dreams about Diedre Clark, who is writing the racy novel that her law firm banned her from further publication.  If I were a guy, I’d think about boning her myself.  Hot pics for the guys.  Who said female associates were dogs.  This woman disproves that theory.  Men, don’t shoot your wads all at once.

  14. Alex Hump

    January 23, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    No way, Alma.  Did you see the teeth on that beeotch?  I’d be scared “Shirtless” to have those teeth any where near my private parts. And by the way, her name is Diedra Dare.  I see her pictures on the website, and she has a pretty good body, but watch out for those choppers!  Finally, I looked at her poetry.  If I had to listen to that all the time as a condition of boning her, Im not sure it would be worth it.  http://www.deidredare.com/Poetry.html

  15. BL1Y

    January 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Alex: She looks old and used up and has confused being thin and provocative with being sexy.  My guess is she is escaping to the world of fiction and fantasy as a way to live through the youth she wanted but could never quite get.

  16. Alma Federer

    January 24, 2009 at 1:59 am

    BL1Y, you ought to get together with Hump and Duggan to form a club. You can call it the bitter sloppy lawyers club.  You can get together weekly to compare notes on who was most upset over getting jilted by the homeliest women.  Sure you guys get some (trusting women might actually trust someone who is a lawyer), but most women that are wise to you guys remember what they learned from religious education–that is to keep a dime between their knees when visiting with a man.  You guys can’t go beyond “second base” with those women.  While that may not trouble BL1Y (a self professed Tit man), I’m sure neither of the other two will be happy since they won’t have any place to park their weenies.  So after a while, the female from Allen and Overy won’t look so bad.  Think about it, guys.  She will look great to you, but you won’t have “access”.  Poor bitter lawyers, can look but not touch.

  17. Ace in the Hole

    January 24, 2009 at 7:55 am

    Alma, I can feel the spite in your posts, so I’m guessing that dime dropped out on you a long time ago and yet you’re still single.  I can’t imagine why!

  18. Tbone

    January 24, 2009 at 9:24 am

    I demand a digital photo of alma be posted on the site!

  19. Tennis Pro

    January 24, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Yea, I’d love to BONE Alma—is she related to Roger?

  20. Alex Hump

    January 25, 2009 at 7:57 am

    I agree.  Alma has probably seen better times.  She really is a bitter lawyer.  As to what happened to that dime she refers to, I don’t know.  I would guess she dropped the dime to call home after she lost her virginity, assuming of course, she needed a ride home thereafter.  Sorry about that, Alma, it wasn’t me that deflowered you, so don’t take it out on me.

  21. Emily Rose

    January 25, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    Cut that poor girl some slack.  Alma may well have been burned by men, but that is no reason not to have compassion on her now.  She may still get over her bitterness with a little compassion from this group.  That includes all of you men.  Remember, someday you will be looking for compassion, too, and it could be someone like Alma or me who will be there for you.

  22. Agree

    January 25, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    agree – the whole gaggle of them should start the bitter sloppy lawyers club! or maybe even the bitter tool club!

  23. Anonymous

    January 26, 2009 at 4:25 am

    Maybe they should call it the “Bitter LIMP Tool Club” because that B1LY guy’s needle dick must be as bitter as a sprig of old asparagus without any hollandaise sauce.

  24. Ace in the Hole

    January 26, 2009 at 6:59 am

    Sounds like a bunch of bitter single women are reading this and venting.  (They seem to be a common species in law.) Ladies, all this blame will get you nowhere.

  25. Anonymous

    January 26, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Yes, “Ace in the Hole”, we may be venting, but it’s because you guys say and do almost anything to get to the hole.  And we’re not talking golf or basketball.  Many of us have been decieved by men (lawyers) who promised us the moon (if not marriage) only to go by the wayside after they had their way (sexually) with us.  So if we are bitter, that’s why.  The men who dumped us for better grazing are also bitter because the models they drool after are not receptive.  After all, why would a woman making $30,000/day for a shoot care about some gnome who has a legal degree.  That is the dude that dumped me, though so I am bitter.

  26. BL1Y

    January 26, 2009 at 8:28 am

    I agree with Anon @8:12.  Men do almost anything to get what they want.  Women are the same.

  27. Ace in the Hole

    January 26, 2009 at 8:38 am

    Anon (and other bitter women here), you may want to consider that the reason you were dumped may not have been because he was looking for a model. 
    Many men these days are tired of women who expect the moon.  A huge number of modern U.S. women seem to want to be able to choose between equality when they want it, and men taking care of all those things they don’t want to be bothered with the rest of the time.  Are you cooking for your guy?  Doing the laundry and cleaning the house?  Making sure his other “needs” are satisfied?  Or instead, are you making further demands on him when he gets home from work and making his life more difficult instead of easier, and thinking that putting out every once in a while makes you even for everything you ask? 
    If you’re telling him you want to get married and have kids, but aren’t treating him like the king of the castle and the person who will provide for you, why on earth would he make that choice?  Marrying a woman who will expect a six figure lifestyle and won’t either work to provide it or take care of the home and kids is something few smart men are interested in – putting you up so that you can shop and play while he pays for a nanny to take care of the kids, restaurants to get a decent meal, and a maid to get a clean place after he’s worked 12 hour days is not an interesting proposition.
    As it happens, women’s liberation on all-or-nothing terms, rendering men merely servants to spend their lives working just for a little sex, turned out to be liberation to be live and die alone.  Real men, the kind you would be attracted to rather than doormats who can’t get laid in a paper bag, would rather pay for a whore who will do anything we want on demand if that’s all you’re giving us anyway (and on vastly less favorable terms).
    —Guy Who Married an Accomplished Woman Who Still Realizes That She Has To Run The House To Make This An Equal Exchange

  28. BL1Y

    January 26, 2009 at 8:58 am

    How does one get laid in a paper bag?

  29. Ace in the Hole

    January 26, 2009 at 9:36 am

    You know what I mean… and pardon the extra “be” in my rant.  Sorry, one of my buddies gave up and cracked, married an “expect the world” woman against the advice of his friends (including yours truly), and then recently divorced her.  She’s living on his “child support” payments, and it’s hard to watch even from a distance.

  30. BL1Y

    January 26, 2009 at 10:39 am

    AitH: It’d be nice if men had the same opportunities to leave their jobs, stay at home, and raise the kids.  It might not be glamorous, but I’d rather spend the day dealing with my kids’ shit than dealing with the partners’ shit.

  31. Agree

    January 26, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Yep that’s it—bitter tool club! and you tools know who you are…….

  32. Bill Dugan

    January 26, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    I agree 100% with Ace in the Hole.  It is not really worth it to bag one of those women, unless you define bag the same way as I do, using the 4 F method:  : i.e., 1) find ‘em; 2) feel ‘em; 3) f*** ‘em and 4) forget ‘em…..why do we want all that extra baggage from these so called “liberated” beeotches?  Answer:  We don’t.  The price of sex should not be that high.

  33. Bill Dugan

    January 26, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    And I meant to say that Bitter Women LAWYERS are REALLY bitter down there.  Ptuey!

  34. BL1Y

    January 26, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Bill: At least we’re honest with our 4 F model, as opposed to the women’s version: 1) Find ‘em, 2) F*** ‘em, 3) Fleece ‘em, and 4) Forget ‘em.

  35. Anonymous

    January 26, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    You men are awful.  We have compassion, but don’t get it returned by you self-absorbed peckers.  Do you really think we enjoying going down on you guys?  Of course not, but we do it out of love, devotion and respect, not just to squeeze some money out of you guys.  Think about it next time you ask us for a BJ, because we should not give them until we get the respect we deserve.  I call upon all bitter women to resist the advances of men like this.

  36. Agree

    January 26, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Smart sexy women – ( yes tools I am smart and sexy so save your energy of trying to contest it)—can sniff out these tools a mile away that’s why these guys have to vent their stuff out here because they can’t land a sassy smart sexy lady!

  37. BL1Y

    January 26, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Some women actually enjoy giving BJs.  I’ve seen it happen.

  38. Ace in the Hole

    January 26, 2009 at 10:22 pm

    Funny Anonymous, since when did wanting to meet our basic biological imperatives, or wanting not to be a slave while someone else spends the day watching TV and shopping, qualify us as less than compassionate?  Or is it that whatever YOU want is inherently fair, and we should just be begging to fulfill your every desire and happy to spend our lives meeting YOUR needs?  The problem here, the reason guys walk away from you, is attitude.  Christ, to hear Alma spouting off about that religious girl nonsense would be laugh out loud funny if it weren’t so painful.  Even if you get a doormat of a man that will do whatever you want, you won’t respect him, and in the end, that will not lead to happiness.  Figure that out about yourself, and recognize that relationships are not built on you getting what you want and the other person not, and perhaps a guy will be interested enough to stick around when the BJ is over.—Happily Married Guy

  39. Bill Dugan

    January 27, 2009 at 2:33 am

    I agree with “Ace In the Hole”.  As far as the woman below “Agree” is concerned, I would love to find a smart sexy and sassy woman who was NOT self absorbed and interested only in herself and me pleasing HER all the time.  I think it’s a question of upbringing.  Those women like you, who think they are owed everything, rarely do anything for a man unless it benefits her (for example, a BJ preceding getting rammed).  But ask that same woman for a standalone BJ {when she is not going to get rammed], fuggetaboutit; she’s either too tired, has a headache, has to get up early, has a sore throat, just got her hair done; you name it.  The same thing when a guy comes home after a long day at work, and asks what’s for dinner, and the woman says (after spending the day running up the credit card at Lord & Taylor, Gee, I haven’t had time to think about it.  How about calling out for some [Chinese/Italian/Thai/ETC, ETC].  What should we say about that, Wonder Woman?  Should we just chalk it up to “her feelings”; should we say anything?  If we do, the proverbial legs clamp shut for days, if not weeks.  That’s what leads men to find attractive women who are not so f***ing demanding.  A young innocent secretary starts looking good when the shrew at home does nothing but spend money and whine.  So “smart and sassy” woman, know the road you are heading down, and perhaps it’s not too late to veer off away from the dead end you are heading towards.  If a guy wants you to be sweet, be sweet, since he’s always jumping for you, stop being such a pain in the f*****ing ass whenever he has an idea that does not immediately appeal to you.  Sure you may have a college/law degree and a honey-hole, but that does not give you a ticket to becoming an autocrat, or you can join the long line of middle age bitter divorcees when your man finds solace with a younger, more understanding, woman.

  40. BL1Y

    January 27, 2009 at 5:52 am

    I think what’s really getting the bitter women riled up is that all we men really need to be happy is a woman who is attractive and not a bitch.  Whenever a man here expresses any sense of being happy (or even just content) with his relationships/sex life, there is always a woman ready to immediately insult his sexual performance, genetalia, or the attractiveness of his partner.  If we had unrealistic expectations (like if we really were all trying to hook up with a different model every month), then maybe after years of disappointment and loneliness we might finally decide to settle for one of them.  Unfortunately, attractive, nice girls are rather common, pushing the “smart and sexy” bitter wretches to the bottom of the barrel.  They’re bitter because they’ve spent years sacrificing their personalities for a fancy degree and high powered job, only to discover out that we don’t care.  All we really need is for you to be attractive enough to get us aroused, and to not talk during SportsCenter.

  41. Anonymous

    January 27, 2009 at 7:27 am

    Right.  A woman should be smart enough to know when to shut her mouth, and when to open her mouth.  If she’s doesn’t know, then I want no part of her (literally and figuratively).  Beeotches!

  42. BL1Y

    January 28, 2009 at 11:28 am

    FYI the last BL1Y was not me, the real BL1Y.  I would not disrespect my biggest fans, “women,” that way.

  43. Anon

    January 28, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    Dream on BL1Y you have no female fans!!

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