Bitter Lawyer Baseball Fans: Yankees/Phillies

A pair of record-book home runs by The Phillies’ Chase Utley (son of attorney David Utley) last night closed the gap to 3-2, and now the World Series heads back to a cracked-up Yankee Stadium for game six this Wednesday.  That means whether you’re a diehard baseball fanatic, a casual admirer or a total hater of our national pastime, you’re probably more than annoyed by any Yankees or Phillies fan in your office or law school right now.  We know we are.

Where New York Yankees fans exude the unparalleled arrogance of Wall Street, Philadelphia Phillies fans are defined by a self-loathing pride (and a Craigslist sex offer) that is beyond comprehension. They are, after all, the only people on Earth who would think less of you for skipping the Cheese Whiz on your cheesesteak.  And since partners are being so damn mum about firm tickets to games this year, that unfortunately means a sizeable percentage of American lawyers (not even the ABA knows the exact amount) are stuck working with these people. 

The team at Bitter Lawyer believes it’s best to understand the root of the problem.  So, we asked lawyers from around the country why Yankees fans are so annoying, why Phillies fans have such a huge chip on their shoulders, and which fan they’d least like to work with.  (Don’t worry, we didn’t force any Mets fans or “NOT a lawyer” sports agent Darek Barunecker to make such a difficult decision.)

WHY ARE YANKEES FANS SO ANNOYING?

My office at the law firm is directly next to a displaced Yankee fan.  I tried to ask him this question, but he wouldn’t quit talking about Derek Jeter long enough to allow me to finish.

—Rick Robinson (Attorney, author of Sniper Bid)

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It’s like rooting for Microsoft, Exxon or Bechtel. The team ought to have a fucking IPO.

—PhilaLawyer (Attorney, blogger, author of Happy Hour Is for Amateurs)

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I group Yankees fans in with Notre Dame and Lakers fans.  No matter where I go, I find them—and with rare exception, none of them ever lived in New York, went to Notre Dame or lived in LA.  The Yankees fans, many of whom do not pay attention to baseball until the playoffs, couldn’t explain why or how they became fans; they just like the hats or the affiliation with a team that literally buys its way into the playoffs.  If someone is a legit Yankees fan (see Bill Simmons’ “Rules for being a true fan”), they probably have an annoying accent and talk too loud.  Of all the fans in the world, I loathe Yankees fans more than any other group, though Boston fans and Cubs fans sometimes come close.

—Jonathan (Attorney, Phoenix, AZ)

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Yankees fans are annoying because each one acts as if he or she has personally won the 26 titles they often gloat about.  Moreover, when faced with criticism of their precious Yanks, they often respond with a guttural “26” because most fans are incapable of forming complete thoughts to counter any criticism.

—Jessica (Government attorney, New York City)

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Yankees fans are essentially the reason I retired from the law.  No one likes being surrounded by a bunch of loud, hard-drinking know-it-alls who put winning in front of basic ethical principles.  (Wow, I just got a chill remembering my former firm’s holiday parties.)

—Rachel Solar (Former BigLaw associate, blogger, Stuff Magazine contributor)

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The thing that annoys me most about Yankees fans is that even though it’s obvious to every normal person in America that the reason they win is because they spend three times as much money as anyone else, for some reason, Yankee fans think that the reason they win is because of something that they (meaning the fan) did or because of how awesome they are as fans.  This attitude fits in perfectly with their patronizing attitude toward anyone who doesn’t come from as big of a city as them.  Like no place else in America can have culture or a metropolitan area.

—Brad (Corporate Attorney, Detroit)

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WHY DO PHILLIES FANS SEEM TO HAVE SUCH A HUGE CHIP ON THEIR SHOULDERS?

Colts, Broncos, Mustangs are all TOUGH, horse-themed team names that evoke power and strength.  But seriously, if your team name was the “Phillies,” wouldn’t you have a chip on your shoulder too?

Tad Eckenrode (Senior trial attorney, St. Louis, MO)

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If I had a nut job chicken walking around, I’d have a chip on my shoulder.

—Paul Hletko (Patent attorney, Cub fan, Chicago)

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Because North Baltimore—err, Philadelphia’s primary relevance is being a convenient place to pull over and take a piss on trips between NY and DC?

—PhilaLawyer (Attorney, blogger, author of Happy Hour Is for Amateurs)

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I have no clue why Phillies fans have a chip on their shoulders.  They’re playing in the home of both my alma mater (Penn & Penn Law) and the land of criss-cut cheese fries.  If you ask me, their mood should be excellent.

—Rachel Solar (Former BigLaw associate, blogger, Stuff Magazine contributor)

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To quote Deadspin, “the sticky film from years of downtrodden loser-dom is tough to wash off.”

—Curtis (IP partner, Orange County, CA)

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YANKEES OR PHILLIES FAN: WHICH WOULD YOU LEAST LIKE TO WORK WITH?

Yankees fans without a doubt.  Most Phillies fans seem authentic and I have respect for fans that have true ties to their team and didn’t just wake up one morning and decide that they liked black hats, Derek Jeter, and being on the bandwagon.

—Jonathan (Attorney, Phoenix, AZ)

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Yankee fans may be arrogant and demanding, as are some clients with whom I’ve worked, but at least you know where you stand with that type—i.e., you can never really please them.  Instead of the type who you THINK you’re pleasing only to have them turn their back on you, which is what the fair-weather Phillies fans are like.  So I’d take the devil I know any day.

Tad Eckenrode (Senior trial attorney, St. Louis, MO)

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Yankees.  At least the Phillies have lost 10,000 games. Nobody even comes close to having lost that many—not even the beloved Cubs.

—Paul Hletko (Patent attorney, Cub fan, Chicago)

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Any rabid Philly sports fan. Terminal hemorrhoids would be less of a natural irritant.

—PhilaLawyer (Attorney, blogger, author of Happy Hour Is for Amateurs)

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The good news is that when you work where I work, you don’t have to put up with any of that garbage.  It’s college football season.

—J. Roberts (Solo practitioner, Deep South)

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Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.

16 Comments

  1. A-Rod

    November 3, 2009 at 7:52 am

    Yankees fans are annoying to the rest of you because we’re winners and you’re all losers.

  2. Er, no.

    November 3, 2009 at 8:14 am

    Philadelphia – the city that stepped forward after others including Oakland had said heck no, and said, yeah, we’ll take the guy who kills and tortures defenseless dogs with his own hands as our highly paid public athletic representative.  So to Philly and all Philly sports fans – F*CK YOU.

  3. BL1Y

    November 3, 2009 at 8:15 am

    The Yankees always win because the other team’s too busy staring at the stripes.

  4. Boston Fan

    November 3, 2009 at 8:32 am

    Hate to say it, but the Yankees are impressive.  Fun to watch, fun to hate… and fun to root for.  Go Yankees!  Wait, did I just say that out loud?

  5. KateLaw

    November 3, 2009 at 8:48 am

    I agree with Deep South lawyer.. who cares about the Yankees/Phillies when there are So many great college football games on.  Love this time of year!

  6. BL1Y

    November 3, 2009 at 9:31 am

    Kate: Football is so much better.  Too bad there’s only two leagues, the SEC and the ETC.

  7. ParalegalPHILSfan

    November 3, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    We read this stuff!  You esquires are hysterical and bitter!!  I am going to wear a hat to work during game five.  Just because.

  8. Healthy (relatively) passtimer

    November 3, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    As a philly fan stumbling into world series tix grace a sibling’s marriage into a family with season seats at yankee stadium:
    yankees fans do not cheer or support their team unless Jeter is diving into the seats.
    When Jeter does dive into the seats, all 6 people surrounding you are in your face screaming at you obnoxiously and agressively: “yeah, you suck, you SUCK!”
    When you, as a phillies fan, shout “go chase!” a dozen people turn around and yell at you to shut the f*ck up.
    You want a hot dog, all you find is sushi and waitservice.  This is baseball??
    When you want to see a yankee game, your only hope is to marry into season tickets.

  9. KC Conte--boring paralegal

    November 3, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Philly fan since age 11 here.  I have to share a row during spring training with Yankees fans.  Either way two more games and you will have to listen to a whole year of either set of fans!

  10. BL1Y

    November 3, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Anyone else confused by Healthy Passtimer’s rant?  I’ve seen the place at Yankee Stadium that sells sushi, but didn’t have any time getting hot dogs and beer there.  And plenty of people get up and cheer for Godzilla.

  11. drunk asshole

    November 3, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    When the yankees play the red sox, the only thing I’m rooting for is a plane crash into the stadium.

  12. Bonnie

    November 3, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Don’t care who wins….

  13. (Ex) Pre-Law Undergrad

    November 3, 2009 at 7:15 pm

    I was born in Boston and raised less than an hour away.  That’s all I need to want to see all Yankees fans put on an island somewhere.  This time, one without bridges connected to it.

  14. Guano Dubango.

    November 4, 2009 at 3:27 am

    This is stupid.  I want BL to give me legal analysis, or else some critical discussion about whether women fans of the Yankees or the Pillies are sexier.  Let’s get with it, BL.  I want to know if I can get a woman who likes the Pillies, I will even travel down there to date her.

  15. BL1Y

    November 4, 2009 at 6:31 am

    “This time, one without bridges connected to it.” Hint, the BRONX Bombers aren’t on an island at all.

  16. (Ex) Pre-Law

    November 4, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    Hint, as I give a shit where the stadium is.  A-Roid, Jeter and the rest of the evil empire, along with the season ticket holders who substain it, live on that island with bridges connected to it.

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