Bitter News, 1-13-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are making a comeback like Pee-Wee Herman:

• We’ve long been fans of Esquire magazine’s The Rules: A Man’s Guide to Life here at Bitter Lawyer.  (Rule No. 1,033 If your lawyer’s e-mail address ends in hotmail.com, gmail.com, or yahoo.com, find a new lawyer.) So it makes us feel like idiots that we didn’t first concoct a similar list for BigLaw like Dan Michaluk did.  His list of law firm rules and truths like, “Rule #765 A managing partner should never walk the halls in stocking feet,” have inspired everyone to get in the game.  Legal Blog Watch jumped in with “Rule #29 Do not send out any e-mail to ‘All Users’ unless the building is on fire.” And WSJ Law Blog played the new party game with, “Rule #815: Don’t tell your romantic partner/spouse that colleague Jenny or Jimmy is your ‘work boy/girlfriend.’ Even if Jenny/Jimmy is totally harmless, it’s annoying and plants insidious seeds of wonder.” And if you don’t believe Rule #815, look here[Slaw.ca]

Bitter Lawyer Rule #253 Whenever anyone brings up life as a lawyer in 2009, audibly sigh, roll your eyes and appear as exasperated as possible.  But what about the decade as a whole?  That block of time trendy people call the aughts.  Here’s quickly how it all broke down.  [PhilaLawyer]

• We now return to your regularly schedule gay marriage trial, which is already in progress.  To update you, since we can’t watch what happens like we planned (SCOTUS voted 5-4 to keep it dark), yesterday was all about ripping apart expert witnesses, and today is about how legalizing same sex marriage isn’t quite like legalizing sex with children.  Live blogging.  [San Jose Mercury News]

• Shame on Conan O’Brein’s lawyers?  “[U]nlike many other deals for late-night stars [like David Letterman], Mr. O’Brien’s contract contains no specific language about the time period the show would occupy.” Err, but doesn’t the fact that the show has been on at 11:35 for 60 years mean anything?  Well, yes.  But Coco still lawyered up with serious litigator Patty Glaser, just in case.  [THR, Esq.]

• You know it sucks to be a lawyer in your country when you arrange to have yourself killed.  [CNN]

• How much chedda would an in-house make if an in-house could make chedda?  “Fortune 100 general counsel earned an average of $1.4 million in 2009.” That’s a big wheel of chedda.  [The Am Law Daily]

• Google and China: The two 900-pound gorillas that apparently can’t be in the same room.  Legal options “scant.” [The Wall Street Journal]

• Of all the things a secretary can blow (get your mind out of the gutter, I mean like a deal or a simple request), the whistle is the worst.  Big shot New Jersey litigator David Gross would probably agree.  “First, he took $50,000 from a client in 1998 and didn’t share it with his partners. Second, he confided in his secretary about what he did. Third, he got on the secretary’s wrong side, and she squealed to the firm four years later.” [New Jersey Law Journal]

• Tired of missing cool ski trips with buddies because you’re poor and in law school?  Then you don’t know how to budget, you eff-ing idiot.  You should get your finances in order—and you should do it online on Mint.  Duh.  [Lawyerist]

• How does a law prof feel about the return of American Idol?  Take it away, Ann.  [Althouse]

• Here they grow again.  Rich-bitch college Harvard is borrowing $480 million to expand the law school and refinance its debt.  [Business Week]

• We told you the Bitter highs of 2009, and here are Lowering’s lows.  (Which are really highs.)

[Lowering the Bar]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are making a comeback like Pee-Wee Herman:

• We’ve long been fans of Esquire magazine’s The Rules: A Man’s Guide to Life here at Bitter Lawyer.  (Rule No. 1,033 If your lawyer’s e-mail address ends in hotmail.com, gmail.com, or yahoo.com, find a new lawyer.) So it makes us feel like idiots that we didn’t first concoct a similar list for BigLaw like Dan Michaluk did.  His list of law firm rules and truths like, “Rule #765 A managing partner should never walk the halls in stocking feet,” have inspired everyone to get in the game.  Legal Blog Watch jumped in with “Rule #29 Do not send out any e-mail to ‘All Users’ unless the building is on fire.” And WSJ Law Blog played the new party game with, “Rule #815: Don’t tell your romantic partner/spouse that colleague Jenny or Jimmy is your ‘work boy/girlfriend.’ Even if Jenny/Jimmy is totally harmless, it’s annoying and plants insidious seeds of wonder.” And if you don’t believe Rule #815, look here[Slaw.ca]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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