Bitter News, 1-20-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are hardly worse than death by Avatar:

• AskMen.com has given us a lot of top-10 things to be concerned with this week.  First, the men’s site clued Cosmo readers into the fact that men desire the “wildly beautiful” Emmanuelle Chriqui (and these nine other women) most.  Then, they warmed out hearts by actually ranking Lawyers above Fund Managers for once in a top-10 list.  Okay, so the list is “Top 10: Best-Dressed Professions”—but who cares?  Coming in at #3: “A bespoke pinstripe suit, alligator briefcase and shined shoes are a trial lawyer’s best defense in the courtroom.” Just like every lawyer you know.  [AskMen.com]

• More lists!  What makes a good trial lawyer?  Look at the profiles of these 11 lawyers that you’d hate to face because you can bet the house they’ll win in any courtroom.  Hint: There’s a likability factor.  [The Business Insider]

• What does it take to get ahead in BigLaw these days?  Lots of experience.  Which is why former Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau is taking his 34 years of prosecution experience and parlaying it into an “Of Counsel” position at Wachtell.  Did we mention yet that he’s 90 years old?  Minor detail.  Good news: He doesn’t look a day over 85.  [BusinessWeek]

• On a serious note, we’re sad to report that Jenn Lyon—AKA Nick Conley’s beautiful blind date in “Typo,” our most famous Living the Dream episode—died last night after a long, courageous battle with cancer.  Most remember her from her fourth-place finish on Survivor, but she’ll always be our typo queen.  [MSNBC]

• Vote for the 2009 BigLaw word of the year.  Unfortunately, “bounce back” and “hired” aren’t in the running.  So weigh in on if “no,” “merit,” “lemonade,” “Twitter/tweet” or “defer” should take the honors.  [The Snark via ABA Journal]

• Nothing says, “Thanks for a great jury experience, judge,” quite like a chocolate penis.  [ABA Journal]

• The newest U.S. Senator from Massachusetts is a Republican who posed naked for Cosmo back when he was in law school, and Sen. Ted Kennedy is celebrating six months of sobriety.  [The Namby Pamby]

• Lots surrounding iPhones and Apple Tablets lately are making (and breaking) the law:

—A $1,000 iPhone app now preps you for the bar exam, cheaper than $3,500 BarBri.  [Edible Apple]

—Gawker’s hunt for info on the new Apple Tablet is press freedom or illegal?  [Slate]

—Apple’s lawyer calls out Gawker for trying to out their top-secret project.  [PC World]

—Legal issues or not, it’s being unveiled next week, and everyone’s talking.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Sometimes lawyers leave law to become comedians.  And sometimes they act like comedians when advertising their services.  Since SCOTUS legalized lawyer advertising in the late 70s, we’ve seen everything from Jim “The Hammer” Shapiro (below) to Peter “P’Ta Mon” John.  And usually the lawyer is always the butt of the joke.  [The New York Times]

• The future of late night TV on NBC looks to be coming into the present.  Leno is heading back to his old spot.  Conan will be out on the street—but with restrictions about when he can return to the small screen.  (It’s enough to make you want to write a manifesto to the Tonight Show and look at contract buyouts of yore.) Conan has a formal offer to go straight to the Internet after leaving, but I think CoCo is most concerned with getting off the “tunnel of litigation” ride and nailing down that whole $40 million exit package first.  [The Am Law Daily]

• A Supreme Court lawyer will be representing Wall Street in the biggest butter-up attempt in the history taxing banks.  Grease the pole, so the taxes slide right down.  [Bloomberg]

• It takes balls of steal to say to a victim’s parents that the drunk female pedestrian who got hit by a drunk driver is just as much to blame.  But generally steal balls and hearts aren’t hard to come by in the legal profession.  [Gothamist]

• “An ‘extremely remorseful’ Circuit Judge Robert C. Nalley would accept a public reprimand for having deflated the tire of a cleaning woman who parked in a restricted area of the Charles County Courthouse.” Long lost are the days of a good public shaming—or stoning.  [The Daily Record]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are hardly worse than death by Avatar:

• AskMen.com has given us a lot of top-10 things to be concerned with this week.  First, the men’s site clued Cosmo readers into the fact that men desire the “wildly beautiful” Emmanuelle Chriqui (and these nine other women) most.  Then, they warmed out hearts by actually ranking Lawyers above Fund Managers for once in a top-10 list.  Okay, so the list is “Top 10: Best-Dressed Professions”—but who cares?  Coming in at #3: “A bespoke pinstripe suit, alligator briefcase and shined shoes are a trial lawyer’s best defense in the courtroom.” Just like every lawyer you know.  [AskMen.com]

• More lists!  What makes a good trial lawyer?  Look at the profiles of these 11 lawyers that you’d hate to face because you can bet the house they’ll win in any courtroom.  Hint: There’s a likability factor.  [The Business Insider]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

5 Comments

  1. RJ

    January 20, 2010 at 4:25 pm

    Very sorry to hear about Jen’s death.  Wow.

  2. SFLawyer

    January 20, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Great news presentation.  Sorry about the loss of Jen.

  3. Quadoz

    January 21, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Steel Balls… not steal

  4. Anon

    January 21, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Quadoz.  Please watch Typo immediately.  Tool!

  5. Quadoz

    January 22, 2010 at 6:24 am

    Due Diligence, that was all that it was Anon.

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