Bitter News, 1-25-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that say, “Oh, Snap!  It’s bubble wrap appreciation day” (video):

• President Obama will not be available to personally responds to his summons for jury duty in Chicago today.  He has a prior engagement with the Los Angeles Lakers.  And wars.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Like lawyer father not like lawyer son.  The son of Vice President Joe Biden (Syracuse Law ’68), Delaware Attorney General Beau Biden (Syracuse Law ’94), announced today that he will not seek election to the U.S. Senate seat long held by his father.  [Washington Post]

• You know it’s bad out there when even Psychology Today tells you that being a lawyer sucks these days.  Don’t worry though, they offer some helpful tips for JDs in the job market.  Like this gem: “5. Know why an employer might have concerns about hiring a lawyer. Don’t waste energy bemoaning the lawyer jokes and complaining that it’s not ‘fair.’” Which is a perfect precursor to our Bitter Lawyer rule: If you’re a lawyer and have to remind yourself not to tell lawyer jokes during an interview, you’re a hopeless tool.  Cheers.  [Psychology Today]

• During the Great Depression, things were so, well, depressing that lawyers in Wisconsin would trade legal work for a “a chicken or two.” (WTF, is that true?) But times have evolved way past that, right?  Right.  Despite a headline of “Revenues, Profits Flat at Northern California’s Biggest Firms,” average revenues are still in the $800 millions.  Meaning: Firms are a long way from…crying fowl.  ??  [The Am Law Daily]

• Westlaw and LexisNexis are revamping their services to compete better with rivals like Google and Microsoft.  Also, they will now trade legal searches for a chicken or two.  [The New York Times]

The Deep End who?  Besides, the only thing realistic about that show is that the first-years are all white.  You want to watch a true Caucasian legal drama?  The storylines around Glenn Close’s mega-tough lawyer character in the new season of Damages are going to be Madoff-tastic.  And Rose Byrne’s character will still act jilted and be crazy hot.  [Philly.com]

• “An evil Ronald McDonald goes on a shooting spree on a street overflowing with 7-Elevens and U-Hauls and Wal-Marts and Pizza Huts. The Michelin Men are bumbling, foul-mouthed cops on his trail. Bob’s Big Boy picks his nose and flings it on an unsuspecting victim.” That’s the gist of a movie appearing at Sundance that copyright-clearance lawyers would definitely categorize as a horror film.  [Reuters]

• “[R]eceiving early letters of admission from top law schools around the country has meant more security for the future.” Or it means you know sooner what institution you’ll soon be paying a bajillion dollars to in exchange for professional regret.  Same/same.  [Student Life]

• When New Year’s resolutions go awry in Houston, the old and fat start suing their trainers in record numbers.  Health club waivers be damned.  Hell hath no furry like a woman who just fell off a treadmill.  [Houston Chronicle]

• Hey, pretty lady, can I interest you in coming over to my place for some business school?  Wait, you’re not a bitch alpha wife, are you?  [Women’s Radio]

• We said that being an entertainment attorney is the best job in law.  But what about a celebrity divorce attorney?  If your clients are the unmarried-yet-rumored-to-be-contractually-separating Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, that’s a good gig too.  (Yes, ladies, it’s looking like Brad Pitt will soon be just another single dad.  With six kids.  That are 4 different races.) Who is this masked “top attorney” enforcing the unmarried pre-nup?  TBD.  [Telegraph]

• What’chu talkin’ bout, Utah cops?  Arresting Gary Coleman?  And his penis?  [Los Angeles Times]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that say, “Oh, Snap!  It’s bubble wrap appreciation day” (video):

• President Obama will not be available to personally responds to his summons for jury duty in Chicago today.  He has a prior engagement with the Los Angeles Lakers.  And wars.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Like lawyer father not like lawyer son.  The son of Vice President Joe Biden (Syracuse Law ’68), Delaware Attorney General Beau Biden (Syracuse Law ’94), announced today that he will not seek election to the U.S. Senate seat long held by his father.  [Washington Post]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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