Bitter News, 11-17-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom cute enough to gag a cuddly baby panda to death:

• Nights out whooping it up with JLo, mad Yankees love and an outpouring of fanatical appreciation means “[Supreme Court Justice Sonia] Sotomayor has become a celebrity, all without having made a single major decision at the nation’s highest court.” Too much exposure, or is she the refreshing antidote to the worthless reality star?  And can we get her booked on Gossip Girl for a three-episode arch already?  OMFG!  [AP via Philly.com]

• BigLaw is getting hacked from all angles.  As if insider traders inside the damn firm weren’t enough, the FBI says that hackers are focused on cracking into law firm email systems and confiscating confidential information.  [Associated Press]

• As if Michael Jackson isn’t rolling in his grave enough already, attorney Michael Abrams would probably like to pick him up by his white-socked ankles and shake out his pockets.  MJ’s estate is being sued by the Law Offices of Michael L. Abrams for outstanding legal work.  Um, 4.35 hours of legal work—to the tune of $1,419.70, including a $14 parking charge.  [TMZ]

• SuperLawyers unite!  And fight the hype.  Harvard Law finally has a rankings list they can top.  Based on sheer volume of “Super Lawyers” produced by each law program—putting all ratios, rates, scores, draft picks and salary-caps aside—the magazine sends Yale down the chute to #10 and skyrockets the University of Florida up the ladder an entire tier (compared to U.S. News & World Report’s rankings where the two schools are ranked #1 and #51 respectively).  If you’re in disbelief, allow the metric of SuperLawyer-ness to wash over you and then revisit.  [Above the Law]

The SuperLawyer Top 10:

1. Harvard Law School

2. University of Michigan Law School

3. The University of Texas School of Law

4. University of Virginia School of Law

5. Georgetown University Law Center

6. New York University School of Law

7. Columbia Law School

8. University of Florida Levin College of Law

9. University of California Berkeley School of Law

10. Yale Law School

• Princeton is so damn badass that even though the school deflated grades for pre-law-ers, they’re still crushing the law school application process.  Holla.  [The Daily Princetonian]

• Can trying the living 9/11 terrorists practically on top of ground zero seriously constitute a fair trial?  Or are we merely shamming an evil, vindictive dog who shit in our house by rubbing his nose in it?  Andrew Cohen phrases it slightly more elegantly.  [The Daily Beast]

• Ashes to ashes, dust to dust: A legal recruiter returns to life as an attorney at a law firm after being sideswiped by the economy.  Just hope he’s not expecting lockstep compensation[The Am Law Daily]

• Talk about taking the whole “law school ghost” thing a little far.  [AP via Miami Herrald]

• A time capsule from 1958 has been opened at the University of Chicago Law School, revealing letters from Supreme Court justices.  A new version to be opened in 2059 is being prepared.  Not sure how it will differ from simply doing a Google search.  [Chicago Tribune]

• Let’s talk D-fence: A man who tried to claim he was sparing the world from global warming by bidding up parcels at a government auction had his defense shot down by a judge.  However, an Algerian who claims he beat and killed an Italian man because he’s genetically programmed to be violent is having success with his defense.  Apparently, the right (or, I guess, wrong) DNA can get your sentence lightened.  So you might want to try to get someone to clone the oxytocin receptor gene for you so you can feel sorry for his genetic “situation.” [Chicago Tribune | Times Online]

• The wheels on the justice bus go round and round—slowly.  Convicted of terrorism in 1996, disbarred lawyer Lynne Stewart, now 70, will be sent back to the slammer now that a federal appeals court upheld her conviction and said she deserved more jail time.  Which means we should have this whole Khalid Sheikh Mohammed trail thing wrapped up shortly before we die.  [New York Daily News]

• Quick FYI: It’s illegal to kill people and sell their body parts to kabob vendors.  Subsequent FYI: Don’t eat kabobs.  [MSNBC]

• Nicole Richie was in court yesterday—and her lawyer, the famed Mark Geragos, kept referring to she and her partner Joel Madden as husband and wife.  (ShutTheHellUp!) …Okay, I don’t think you’re getting this—NO ONE KNOWS THEY’RE MARRIED.  …You still don’t care?  Fine.  Us neither.  Suing banks is becoming easier. Is that interesting?  [E! News]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom cute enough to gag a cuddly baby panda to death:

• Nights out whooping it up with JLo, mad Yankees love and an outpouring of fanatical appreciation means “[Supreme Court Justice Sonia] Sotomayor has become a celebrity, all without having made a single major decision at the nation’s highest court.” Too much exposure, or is she the refreshing antidote to the worthless reality star?  And can we get her booked on Gossip Girl for a three-episode arch already?  OMFG!  [AP via Philly.com]

• BigLaw is getting hacked from all angles.  As if insider traders inside the damn firm weren’t enough, the FBI says that hackers are focused on cracking into law firm email systems and confiscating confidential information.  [Associated Press]

• As if Michael Jackson isn’t rolling in his grave enough already, attorney Michael Abrams would probably like to pick him up by his white-socked ankles and shake out his pockets.  MJ’s estate is being sued by the Law Offices of Michael L. Abrams for outstanding legal work.  Um, 4.35 hours of legal work—to the tune of $1,419.70, including a $14 parking charge.  [TMZ]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. Manhattan law

    November 18, 2009 at 3:01 am

    I’ll take a Yale associate before any of the others listed.

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