Bitter News, 11-2-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that kindly ask you to “shut up and listen to me”:

• Hard to believe, but even in this economy, there are some guys who have everything going for them—great education (Duke undergrad, Harvard Law), great resume (law review editor, summer clerk experience at top firms), desirable sexuality (law firms love diversity) and a bright future about to begin (associate gig at Sidley Austin).  That man was 26-year-old Brian Schroeder.  Yep, he almost had it all until he went and did something devastatingly shocking and stupid.  How shocking?  How stupid?  Well, he turned himself in to police on Saturday for setting fire to a memorial chapel in New York that housed the remains of unidentified 9/11 victims. …… I know.  You’re shocked. 

[Harvard Law Record | New York Daily News | Above the Law]

UPDATE: Sidley Austin confirmed that Schroeder’s job offer has been rescinded.  Now the best he can hope for is to one day say something funny[Above the Law]

• “Friday, Notre Dame law students were sent an email from Notre Dame officials saying a person identifying himself as Gary Stearley is posing as a law student and is not actually enrolled at the university.” He lived with students.  Knew the code for the law school doors and fax machine.  And now poof!  He’s gone.  A law school ghost, so to speak.  [WNDU.com]

• Since those damn rankings have made law school so expensive, how about switching over to a pay-as-you-go law school program, complete with “icebreaker fees” and “LecturePass” debit cards?  Lead the way, UVA Law.  [Virginia Law Weekly]

• Larry Burns, a 66-year-old lawyer from Pittsburgh, was sentenced lightly for illegal poker tournaments he organized.  The DA wanted to really shove it up Burns’ rear since he’s a man of law and should, I guess, know better.  But the judge said, “This is no reflection on lawyers, he’s simply a citizen.” Because, like vampires, lawyers have no reflection.  [4Flush.com]

• Like Alanis running a marathon, it’s little bit ironic that famous attorney John O’Quinn who died last week in an automobile accident (after speeding in a dangerous 40-mph zone) was the Jay Leno of litigators and had a car collection worth more than $100 million.  Don’t you think?  [UPI.com]

• So bogged down with debt in law school that you can’t afford great lighting?  Are you too dumb to carry a lamp around with you everywhere you go?  Then read in the dark.  It’s officially safe!  [13WMAZ.com]

• SCOTUS is divided (shocker) on how it should review mutual fund advisers’ compensation, which currently $90 billion in annual fees.  The results of Jones v. Harris Associates L.P. could make torts lawyers very pleased because “every mutual-fund fee arrangement could end up being litigated in a federal court.” For investors, that sucks because it would mean lawyers would be getting a cut of their worth.  It’s like “the right hand robbing the body to pay the left hand but giving part of the loot to a third party in the process.” Which means it’s totally impossible to understand.  [Bloomberg]

• Sadly written up as, “Richmond gang rape seen as nearly inevitable,” the 20 so kids who stood and watched a 15-year-old girl get sexually assaulted by 10 men outside a high school dance and didn’t call the cops cannot be arrested or charged.  “Although it is illegal not to report a witnessed crime against a child under Californian law, the law only applies to children 14 and under, meaning that those who goaded the gang on will not face charges as the victim is aged 15.” [The Voice]

• Unlike Mr. 162, Pro Se litigants don’t know diddley about D.I.Y. law.  [Fox4KC]

• Don’t have a cow, but second-year Duke Law student Andrew Blumberg appeared on the Food Network Challenge last night as one of the show’s four Simpsons superfans—and he won $10K.  He was paired with a cake designer to make a cake in the likeness of a show character.  He said “the project he has been working on with Duke Law Professor Barak Richman to create a DVD that explains contracts using clips from Simpsons episodes” is what got him chosen.  [News Observer]

Finally, the law and social media intersect…

• Facebook won $711 million judgment against a notorious “spam king.” [Digital Media Wire]

• Duane Morris attorney Glenn Manishin attended the 140 Characters Conference last week, which focuses on Twitter (Follow us!) and real-time web.  Manishin (@glennm, for those in the know), along with cyber-lawyers Brett Trout (@BrettTrout) and Adrian Ayton (@adriandayton), spoke about social media law and policy (watch here).  But in addition to talking shop, Manishin didn’t get out of there without a little stand-up routine of his favorite lawyer jokes….  (Roll video below.) Wonder if she got him to sign a release for his on-camera work.  [Down the Avenue]

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3 Comments

  1. Friend of poker

    November 2, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    Somebody had a real hard one for this guy because he was screwed.  Must be a community without crime to attack poker.

  2. Glenn Manishin

    November 3, 2009 at 5:42 am

    What do you call a conceited lawyer? Redundant.

  3. Glenn Manishin

    December 31, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    No written release, but Renee had my permission to film and post the lawyer jokes, to which I make no claim of copyright or ownership, just delivery!

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