Bitter News, 11-24-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as tasty as Nancy Reagan’s Thanksgiving persimmon pudding:

• When playing golf, there are “natural risks” to that you consent to when stepping onto the course.  Balls are flying, clubs are swinging—the game may be slow-paced, but it’s not hazard free.  So what happens when you add an “unnatural risk” to the mix: A man we’ll now call “Defendant” (surprise!) who teed up on the 16th hole after having consumed nine beers and half a pint of tequila.  In homage to Adam Sandler’s Happy Gilmore character, “Defendant” took a running, slapshot swing and sent the ball flying at “Plaintiff.” And voilà: A judicial declaration of “a breach of the standard of care required of a golfer playing on a course with other golfers.” “The price is wrong, bitch.” [Legal Blog Watch via WSJ Law Blog]

News continued below video.

• Texas Tech head coach told Bitter Lawyer that he prefers a college football playoff system over bowl games.  And he’s not the only one who feels that way.  Which is why the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) has hired Ari Fleischer, former press secretary to President George W. Bush, and his company, Ari Fleischer Sports Communications, for a little perception boost. Which it will need considering Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff plans to sue the BCS for “federal antitrust issues” because Utah’s Mountain West Conference doesn’t get an automatic bid.  [Politico]

• A lesson in good judgment: Upon realizing he was having a coronary, Georgia Supreme Court Presiding Judge George Carley had a cigarette, did some paperwork and put on his coat and tie before having his wife take him to the hospital.  [AJC.com]

• There’s a little gamer in all of us.  Just ask Sheppard Mullin’s Shawn Foust.  But what if you love gaming so much it makes you “sick?” A 48-year-old “district judge at a county court in England” was so psyched about the midnight release of highly anticipated video game Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, that he played all night—and then called in sick the next day to play some more.  “Sorry your trial has been rescheduled.  The judge is busy taking on a Russian nationalist terrorist group.” [The Times via Kotaku.com]

• Could LexisNexis and Westlaw go belly up now that “full text legal opinions from U.S. federal and state district, appellate and supreme courts” has been added to Google Scholar?  Finding the laws that govern us seems like a basic, free right, but legal publishers earn gobs of law firm cash by charging for it.  How are they reacting?  NO FEAR, MUTHAFUKA.  [Above the Law]

• The mommy track for female lawyers is never easy. Madlyn Primoff can tell you that.  And studies show that men have just as many family-work conflicts as women because kids these days have a ton of extracurriculars to worry about.  (Speed skating anyone?) Few working parents have time to prepare their kids for that pesky thing called school.  So fed up with constantly having to be parents keep up with their kids’ homework, lawyer/lawyer power couple Sherri & Tom Milley “negotiated a unique legal contract: Their kids will not have to do homework again.” Nothing could possibly make you more popular than being the kid who never has to do homework because your parents abolished it.  [NorthJersey.com]

• Would you pledge allegiance to one legal nation under a universal bar exam, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all?  Some states want to.  [USA Today]

• “Lawyers for a convicted murderer asked a judge yesterday to order Massachusetts prison officials to provide additional electrolysis treatments as the inmate awaits a decision on whether she can get a taxpayer-funded sex-change operation.” He (now she) misread step one in the gender transition handbook.  It didn’t say “kill your wife” after all.  [Boston.com]

• “New York!!!!  Concrete jungle where dreams are made of.  There’s nothing you can’t do, now you’re in New York!!!” Well, there’s one thing you can’t do in New York, and that’s get a no-fault divorce.  You practically have to be Eliot Spitzer to ditch that broad you married.  Deserting her on holidays and weekends is no grounds for a split.  But if you don’t come once in a while for sex, then it’s considered abandonment.  Generally neglecting your spouse is fine, neglecting your spouse’s genitalia will put you at fault.  [New York Law Journal via The Business Insider]

Empire State Of Mind (feat. Al…

• Don’t you hate it when you flee a country because you’re a statutory rapist and then your lawyers all over the world can’t get on the same page.  So annoying.  [The New York Times]

• We already know that 2009 law firm financials are going to be gruesome.  So how do you spin it in anticipation of 2010?  With a catchy public relations phase—duh!  With that, we unveil: “Flat is the new up.” If you’re not dipping, you’re practically growing.  [Law Week]

• The number of people taking the LSAT jumped 20%.  Being in debt, miserable and unemployed has never been more popular.  [ABA Journal]

• The subject of this week’s advice question went to law school with dreams of being a banker.  Sounds stupid, but it’s more common than you think.  Banker envy just happens.  Cue video…

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as tasty as Nancy Reagan’s Thanksgiving persimmon pudding:

• When playing golf, there are “natural risks” to that you consent to when stepping onto the course.  Balls are flying, clubs are swinging—the game may be slow-paced, but it’s not hazard free.  So what happens when you add an “unnatural risk” to the mix: A man we’ll now call “Defendant” (surprise!) who teed up on the 16th hole after having consumed nine beers and half a pint of tequila.  In homage to Adam Sandler’s Happy Gilmore character, “Defendant” took a running, slapshot swing and sent the ball flying at “Plaintiff.” And voilà: A judicial declaration of “a breach of the standard of care required of a golfer playing on a course with other golfers.” “The price is wrong, bitch.” [Legal Blog Watch via WSJ Law Blog]

• Texas Tech head coach told Bitter Lawyer that he prefers a college football playoff system over bowl games.  And he’s not the only one who feels that way.  Which is why the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) has hired Ari Fleischer, former press secretary to President George W. Bush, and his company, Ari Fleischer Sports Communications, for a little perception boost. Which it will need considering Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff plans to sue the BCS for “federal antitrust issues” because Utah’s Mountain West Conference doesn’t get an automatic bid.  [Politico]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. Bravo

    November 24, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    I would like the pudding recipe for my Mom.

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