Bitter News, 11-3-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom strong enough to make drunk hedgehogs sober up:

• Nothing to see here.  Just another Maxim pictorial of the newest, hottest young starlet.  And this time it happens to be blonde Scottish actress Louise Linton—who, when not accepting awards for “Scotland’s most stylish woman,” posing for stunning topless shots in men’s magazines or acting along side A-list stars, she’s….(wait for it)….studying law…though we don’t exactly know where.  Likely hoping to fail at law school by way of marque success (a carbon copy of fellow Scotsman Gerard Butler’s career), I guess it never hurts to have a back up.  Or just a crazy-sexy back and torso.  [Fox News]

• Oil up your guns, boys and girls, it’s bonus-huntin’ season.  And Cravath kicked it off, surprisingly well, by digging into their economy-stressed coffers and making it rain for their associates.  Granted, it’s significantly less change for the youngerkins than usual.  The firm announced their bonus structure for the year, which, come December, will pile $30K on the plates of the class of 2003 and older (same as last year) and slip $7,500 into first years’ pockets ($10K less than than their frosh class got last year).  Wouldn’t you just love to actually hear one of them have the balls to bitch about it?  [New York Law Journal]

• Top legal gossip blog Above the Law is being sued for the first time.  It seems University of Miami law professor Donald Marvin Jones is sort of pissed about their coverage of his arrest in 2007 for allegedly soliciting an undercover cop by offering $20 for sex.  He’s seeking $22 million in damages for privacy invasion, infringement, yadda, yadda.  Which would be 1.1 million encounters with a bedfellow.  (Just giving you the math.) Since ATL is being mum, other than calling the lawsuit meritless, they’re letting the blogosphere do the talking—and the roundup begins here[National Law Journal]

• As if there wasn’t a single way to make the perfect shitstorm any worse, Sidley Austin, the firm Harvard Law School grad Brian Schroeder was schedule to begin working for up until he was charged with setting fire to a 9/11 memorial, “had 600 employees in the World Trade Center at the time of the attacks. One of them died.” [New York Post]

• Attorney Eric C. Conn created a (desperate?) ad campaign that he hopes will get President Obama’s attention because he wants an appointment to the Social Security Advisory Board.  Apparently you need to go viral to get a decent government job these days.  He made a music video (below) with Obama-friendly bluegrass singer Ralph Stanley and “Obama Girl.” Conn grinds asses with Obama Girl in the video while she sings about Conn being a self-made lawyer while flaunting her self-made chest.  It’s…uncomfortable.  [Reuters]

News continued below video:

• Just because the shoe fits doesn’t mean you can wear it.  How a trial lawyer’s holey shoes resulted in “unfair prejudice” and canceled a $2.2 million verdict.  [Business Insider Law Review]

• A Florida law firm co-founded by politically well-connected Scott Rothstein is asking a state court to dissolve it because it’s missing funds—ala Marc Dreier.  And since then, people are fleeing the firm, and people with “R” last names, like Rothstein and partner Stuart Rosenfeldt, are battling it out.  It’s nearly impossible to keep straight.  Til the other shoe drops.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• When your law firm gives you lemons (read: fires you), launch the website Levinson Axelrod Sucks using the old firm’s URL.  A response of Glenn Beck proportions[ABA Journal]

• Roman Polanski’s American lawyers will present oral arguments on December 10th to a lower California appeals court as to why the fugitive director’s charges should be dropped.  Meanwhile, his French lawyer is offering a “very, very significant” cash bail deal to get the dude out of jail.  But all his lawyers think those two things should not be mutually exclusive.  Like pre-teens and anal sex.  [Associated Press]

• Hey, you—the new library at New York Law School—Keith and Deb who live across the street really want you to turn your lights off.  Much like all of law school, your new structure’s obtrusive exterior lighting that’s beaming into their apartment “just doesn’t feel healthy.” [The Tribecca Trib]

• During a promotional speech for his fiction book Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us! at Harvard Law last Friday, left-wing HLS alum Ralph Nader blamed “a commercial bias in the curriculum” for a decaying legal system and “the recent bailouts on Wall Street.” Which made them all long for Tom Cruise to come back—because he’s a cooler kind of crazy.  [The Crimson via The Am Law Daily]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom strong enough to make drunk hedgehogs sober up:

• Nothing to see here.  Just another Maxim pictorial of the newest, hottest young starlet.  And this time it happens to be blonde Scottish actress Louise Linton—who when not accepting awards for “Scotland’s most stylish woman,” posing for stunning topless shots in men’s magazines or acting along side A-list stars, she’s….(wait for it)….studying law…though we don’t exactly know where.  Likely hoping to fail at law school by way of marque success (a carbon copy of fellow Scotsman Gerard Butler’s career), I guess it never hurts to have a back up.  Or a crazy-sexy back and torso.  [Fox News]

• Oil up your guns, boys and girls, it’s bonus-huntin’ season.  And Cravath kicked it off, surprisingly well, by digging into their economy-stressed coffers and making it rain for their associates.  Granted, it’s significantly less change for the youngerkins than usual.  The firm announced their bonus structure for the year, which, come December, will pile $30K on the plates of the class of 2003 and older (same as last year) and slip $7,500 into first years’ pockets ($10K less than than frosh class got last year).  Wouldn’t you just love to actually hear one of them have the balls to bitch about it?  [New York Law Journal]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. Bravo

    November 3, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    Smart and fun to read.

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