Bitter News, 11-9-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are like the blind leading the blind to play video games:

• Louisiana lawyer Anh “Joseph” Cao has made his colleagues bitter.  The first Vietnamese American elected to Congress, Cao is the lone Republican who voted in favor of the health-care bill.  And he’s not Cao-ering about doing it.  [Washington Post]

• Speaking of Republicans, Fox News’ Glenn Beck lost his case that accused (now offline) website glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com of being “registered in bad faith and in violation of his trademark rights.” And this is again the handiwork of First Amendment attorney Marc Randazza, who’s potentially an asshole boss[THR, Esq.]

• Without using everyone’s favorite failsafe words “suspected,” “allegedly” and “believed to have” in his remarks about Thursday’s “act of violence” at Fort Hood, did President Obama prejudice any jury that might be called to hear the case of suspected shooter Maj. Nidal M. Hasan?  Similar acts have been dubbed before as a “presidential prerogative.” So Obama apparently doesn’t need permission to make his own decisions.  [Washington Post]

• Warning: A BigLaw slasher is on the lose.  Two Jones Days worth of lawyers have already been killed.  Let me explain.  The number of attorney jobs lost in 2009 is equal to twice the size of Jones Day.  The worst reports in 30 years, the top 250 law firms currently employ 126,669 lawyers, which is 5,259 lawyers fewer than they did in 2008.  Combine that with the 5,800 jobs in the legal sector that were lost in October alone (even England’s magic circle is being jerked around), and it’s practically dawn of the living dead.  [National Law Journal via ABA Journal]

• No word on if one of those legal sector job losses was PepsiCo legal secretary Kathy Henry who failed to do anything with letters regarding a case the resulted in a $1.26-billion default judgment.  But if she is still employed, she’s probably a little relieved.  A judge tossed out the decision on Friday.  [Associated Press]

This cat just agreed to a $16.5-million payout.  This cat was simply bait.  And this cat chomped his owner into a $5-million lawsuit.  “A New York supermarket clerk is suing a deli owner for $5 million because of a bite he allegedly received from the defendant’s cat.” It’s seven figures v. nine lives.  [UPI.com]

Eric Holder has got it so easy… [Honduras News]

• Newsflash: Bosses assume women have more family obligations than men, and it stunts females’ careers.  But quit yer bitchin’ anyways.  [U.S. News & World Report]

• What’s the best law firm hall pass ever?  H1N1, baby.  Some firms, like D.C.’s Akerman Senterfitt are allowing paid leave without use of personal days for swine flu-related absences.  [Washington Post]

• Now the University of Louisville School of Law’s namesake, Louis D. Badass Brandeis “attended Harvard Law School, graduating two years later at age 20 with the highest grade point in the school’s history.” And that was in the 1870s… [Courier-Journal.com]

• Like any good Vegas dance club, it’s all about levels.  And some law firms are moving from “lockstep” to “levels.” But also, like at any dance club, levels also can create crowd control problems.  Everyone wants access to the V.I.P. room, but unless you’re making fair choices (read: don’t play God when manning the velvet rope), your patrons will bounce and go to clubs that appreciate them more.  This whole club analogy really isn’t working, is it?  [New York Law Journal]

• Edward Ates couldn’t make lemonade out of how fat he is.  His size wasn’t a defense a jury was willing to buy, and he was convicted of killing his former son-in-law despite his claims that he is too obese to kill the deceased.  [Fox News]

• The Supremes are going to consider limiting life prison terms for kids who’ve been convicted of crimes not involving murder.  Is letting teens rot in jail the rest of their lives a little cruel and unusual?  It’s going to be 5-4 one way or the other.  [Los Angeles Times]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are like the blind leading the blind to play video games:

• Louisiana lawyer Anh “Joseph” Cao has made his colleagues bitter.  The first Vietnamese American elected to Congress, Cao is the lone Republican who voted in favor of the health-care bill.  And he’s not Cao-ering about doing it.  [Washington Post]

• Speaking of Republicans, Fox News’ Glenn Beck lost his case that accused (now offline) website glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com of being “registered in bad faith and in violation of his trademark rights.” And this is again the handiwork of First Amendment attorney Marc Randazza, who’s potentially an asshole boss[THR, Esq.]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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