Bitter News, 12-1-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as romantic as getting married in the UFC octagon:

• “The estimated 15 million American homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages should stiff their lenders and take a hike.” That’s what University of Arizona law school professor Brent T. White suggests doing, and he doesn’t want you feeling guilty about it—especially if you live in a non-recourse state like Arizona or California, where a home lender cannot legally pursue repayment beyond the value of the underlying collateral.  Don’t be socially controlled by your debt.  Stiff your lender.  It’s legal.  And you’ll be so glad you did.  [The Daily Herald]

• “Mum” is the right word for Tiger Woods.  It’s not popular, but attorneys all agree that having kept his mouth shut about why his wife Elin may of had a golf club in her hand before he ever left the house has worked out in his favor.  At least from a domestic violence perspective.  No special treatment—he hasn’t stretched the law in the slightest.  Investigation now closed.  Court of public opinion be damned.  You don’t matter.  And you’ll forget anyway.  [Above the Law]

News continued below video.

And here’s a brilliant animation of how China thinks it all happened:

• Paging all 2Ls back to the pit of despair and rejection.  Good news: Law firms may have been a little too cautious during their first recruitment period for summer associates, so they’re going to need you to dance like a monkey again so they can overlook you again and continue fighting over the top 1% of the class.  Best of luck.  [The Am Law Daily]

• High-flying, recently disbarred lawyer Scott Rothstein was arrested and charged with conspiracy and fraud today for allegedly running a $1 billion Ponzi scheme—to which he pleaded not guilty.  Bond was denied, so he couldn’t go home….to Morocco.  [The New York Times]

• Reality show wannabes are turning famous lawyer wannabes into…famous lawyers.  Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the Balloon Girl & Boy of Obama’s state dinner, are being represented by entertainment lawyer (and former DLA Piper associate) Paul Gardner[The BLT]

• Any law student who uses the Thanksgiving season to express gratitude for friends and family is like an iatrophobe saying he’s really thankful for his urologist.  Why publicly celebrate the ones you’re being trained to avoid?  So after a holiday heaped with finals preparation, here are a few things worth highlighting that law students—or at least online vixen Dixie Tananbaum—are really thankful for.  [Most Strongly Supported]

• Will your bonus this year be based on the popular Cravath structure…or will you get a bagel and a kiss on the lips from a senior partner?  (Trick question, silly.  You can’t have both the carb wheel and the kiss.) Regardless, penis bonus envy requires tracking.  And here’s how to know what all your colleagues and nemeses are having stuffed in their stockings this year.  [Law Shucks Bonus Tracker]

• Who hasn’t tried to bribe a cop in New Orleans?  “I wasn’t peeing in the alley, officer.  I was just reaching in my pants for this $50.” It’s just the way it’s done in the Big Easy.  Until a judge goes and effs it all up.  The House Judiciary Committee has begun rare impeachment proceedings against federal judge Thomas Porteous, who is accused of “soliciting money from lawyers who appeared before him.” [The Wall Street Journal via WSJ Law Blog]

• Law school graduate Robert Bowman was denied admission to the New York bar because of almost $500K in overdue student loans.  “The loans are now in collection.” You’ve been warned.  You can’t get out of the hole until you stop digging.  [NationalPost.com]

• Physical fitness is a good thing.  Fact.  And athletics make for great analogies when describing anything business related.  Set goals!  Finish the race!  Schmooze with potential high-end clients by signing up for a triathlon! Which is probably why one university isn’t allowing students to graduate if they have a body mass index over 30.  One law professor calls it “paternalistic” and “intrusive,” but I think Bitter Lawyer commenters would maybe support it.  [CNN.com]

• Interested in public service?  Think more Georgetown—and less Harvard.  [The Harvard Crimson]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as romantic as getting married in the UFC octagon:

• “The estimated 15 million American homeowners who are underwater on their mortgages should stiff their lenders and take a hike.” That’s what University of Arizona law school professor Brent T. White suggests doing, and he doesn’t want you feeling guilty about it—especially if you live in a non-recourse state like Arizona or California, where a home lender cannot legally pursue repayment beyond the value of the underlying collateral.  Don’t be socially controlled by your debt.  Stiff your lender.  It’s legal.  And you’ll be so glad you did.  [The Daily Herald]

• “Mum” is the right word for Tiger Woods.  It’s not popular, but attorneys all agree that having kept his mouth shut about why his wife Elin may of had a golf club in her hand before he ever left the house has worked out in his favor.  At least from a domestic violence perspective.  No special treatment—he hasn’t stretched the law in the slightest.  Investigation now closed.  Court of public opinion be damned.  You don’t matter.  And you’ll forget anyway.  [Above the Law]

• Paging all 2Ls back to the pit of despair and rejection.  Good news: Law firms may have been a little too cautious during their first recruitment period for summer associates, so they’re going to need you to dance like a monkey again so they can overlook you again and continue fighting over the top 1% of the class.  Best of luck.  [The Am Law Daily]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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