Bitter News, 12-14-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that originally fell for Al Shapton’s plea for more black mistresses:

• What’s your firm’s holiday party sitch?  Most BigLaw firms are just doing the restrained thing this year with watered-down shindigs on weeknights in lame locations.  And because we can’t all work for attorney Mark Lanier’s firm, which is going for a more adult theme this year by hiring Bon Jovi as the entertainment (a maturity change up from Miley Cyrus, who rocked the firm last year) we need to learn to make the best of “budget-conscious holiday fun.” [The Snark via Daily Report]

• It’s the theme that can’t be hammered home enough: Law school is no longer a gravy train.  The ghosts of Steve’s prelaw, law school and postlaw school lives explain in painfully robotic detail while you sit and whiff your own disappointment.  [The National Law Journal]

News continued below video.

• The legal profession has found its version of Susan Boyle.  Except instead of Boyle’s cat, Pebbles, this 47-year-old lawyer has a pet mom.  [The Boston Globe]

• Former paralegal Bonnie Sweeten, who posed as a lawyer to steal money from clients before staging her own carjacking and fleeing to Disney World, can’t fake it anymore; She wants out of the big house.  [Philly.com]

• Undergraduate hostesses, the BCS, former NBA referee Tim Donaghy and bi-sexual porn star Tila Tequila comprise the “ugly side” of sports law.  And by “ugly,” we mean “interesting legal issues that people actually care about more than whatever dry crap you’re working on now.” [The Am Law Daily]

• “Rod Blagojevich’s lawyers want the FBI to give up details of interviews conducted last year of President Obama, his chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, White House adviser Valerie Jarrett and others as part of the investigation into the former governor.” He wants to know what they think of his hair.  [Chicago Sun-Times]

• “Hey, Fram, how’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s great!  I’m now on the alternative fee committee for my firm, O’Melveny & Myers, and I’m having a blast.  I get to really tap into my creative recesses and try to find ways for clients to actually hire us by agreeing to flat fees and fixed rates.”

“Wow, congrats, Fram.”

“Thanks, it’s a blast.” [Los Angeles Business Journal]

• Sometimes the only person who will hire you is you.  Here’s how some lawyers are whipping up a cute sign and hanging their own shingle.  [The Daily Record]

• The government has found that Twitter and Facebook are making detective work so easy, they never have to leave the office.  And if you think you’re going to be an internet social butterfly while on jury duty, think again.  Please be very paranoid about this: Everything you do online is being watched.  In fact, I can see you right now.  Nice shirt.  [ABA Journal]

• Ashley Dupre, famous for being NY Love Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s regular call girl, is speaking up—and there’s something about how she says “daughter” that makes you think: “Season 2, Jersey Shore”.  But she’s changing her image from headline maker to new advice columnist.  You can ask her anything you want about sex with former lawyers.  (Wonder if Gloria Allred has something similar planned for Rachel Uchitel.) [New York Post]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that originally fell for Al Shapton’s plea for more black mistresses:

• What’s your firm’s holiday party sitch?  Most BigLaw firms are just doing the restrained thing this year with watered-down shindigs on weeknights in lame locations.  And because we can’t all work for attorney Mark Lanier’s firm, which is going for a more adult theme this year by hiring Bon Jovi as the entertainment (a maturity change up from Miley Cyrus, who rocked the firm last year) we need to learn to make the best of “budget-conscious holiday fun.” [The Snark via Daily Report]

• It’s the theme that can’t be hammered home enough: Law school is no longer a gravy train.  The ghosts of Steve’s prelaw, law school and postlaw school lives explain in painfully robotic detail while you sit and whiff your own disappointment.  [The National Law Journal]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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