Bitter News, 12-16-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that fall head-over-heals in love with their own voice all the time:

• Roll Tide!  And roll that court docket back, back, waaaaay back.  A motion to continue filed in prideful Alabama boldly asks for a trial to be rescheduled because “certain monumental events occurred that were beyond the anticipation of the attorneys and the clients.” And that would be “one of the two great teams in this State” playing in the Rose Bowl next month for a national championship.  Even the judge will be at the game.  So let’s just make this easier on all of us.  [Above the Law]

• More sports and the law… “A group led by Pittsburgh sports attorney [and Pepper Hamilton partner] Chuck Greenberg was picked as the lead bidder for the Texas Rangers baseball team being sold by sports tycoon Tom Hicks.” Which will partner nicely with his half ownership in the English Premier League’s Liverpool Football Club.  Okay, OKAY… “Uncle!” We’re sufficiently jealous.  [Reuters]

• Bankruptsy is da’ bomb biz.  And don’t you forget it.  $1K plus or bust.  [The American Lawyer]

• Law firm lawyers are losing their shit, it seems.  Prominent attorney and treasurer of the Minnesota State Bar Association Aaron F. Biber posted $500,000 bail early this morning.  He had been arrested for two felonies: First-degree criminal sexual conduct and solicitation of a child to engage in sexual activity.  (Yeah, he allegedly groomed a neighborhood boy for a year to be able to have sex with him.) Then Elizabeth Fontaine, an associate at Howrey LLP, was allegedly “so distraught over a custody dispute that she killed her two young daughters, her mother and herself on Monday.” [CBS News]

• Some women want jewelry when their husbands cheat.  Some want a bright, shiny, bling-y divorce attorney.  The later seems to be Elin Nordegren.  So if they really do split, what the hell happens?  Someone who has repped Shaquille O’Neal and Alex Rodriguez through bitter splits probably has a pretty good idea.  So Ashby Jones threw a few questions over to Ira Elegant.  (If a lawyer ever had a perfect stripper name, that’s what it’d be.) [WSJ Law Blog]

• Fred Shapiro, associate librarian and lecturer in legal research at Yale Law School, started The Yale Book of Quotations in 2006, and the fourth edition is about to drop.  The top quote of the year?  “Keep your government hands off my Medicare,” by a speaker at a town hall meeting in South Carolina in July.  That and nine others like, “You lie!” will be inductees.  [Associated Press]

• Rapid-fire headlines:

—Billionaire Galleon Group founder Raj Rajaratnam and Danielle Chiesi were indicted.  [Bloomberg]

—So enjoy that with the decade’s most incredible crime sprees.  [The Business Insider]

—One chip under God: The FTC sued Intel today for trying to make a monopoly.  [Los Angeles Times]

• “An attorney for Rod Blagojevich says questioning President Barack Obama as a witness in the corruption case against the former Illinois governor would be ‘awesome.’” Love when things write themselves.  [Associated Press]

• And you think Harvard Law students live and walk on Easy Street.  [The Crimson]

• We can’t help you if you don’t help us. Vote for Bitter Lawyer.  [ABA Journal]

• The law school bubble is about to bust.  Crap.  Wait.  I think it just did.  [MinnPost.com]

• What’s worse: Being a CPA or being a lawyer?  Baylor Law student Nikki Laing is the former going for the latter.  Which is odd given that she seems pretty smart being a ‘Top 10’ scorer on the CPA exam and all.  [Baylor News]

• Robert “Joe” Halderman, the CBS producer accused in a $2 million shakedown of David Letterman, told Letterman’s lawyer, Jim Jackoway, that he thought Dave might burn his house down or kill him.  And that’s how an extortion-er can make an extortion-ee sound batshit crazy.  [New York Post]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that fall head-over-heals in love with their own voice all the time:

• Roll Tide!  And roll that court docket back, back, waaaaay back.  A motion to continue filed in prideful Alabama boldly asks for a trial to be rescheduled because “certain monumental events occurred that were beyond the anticipation of the attorneys and the clients.” And that would be “one of the two great teams in this State” playing in the Rose Bowl next month for a national championship.  Even the judge will be at the game.  So let’s just make this easier on all of us.  [Above the Law]

• More sports and the law… “A group led by Pittsburgh sports attorney [and Pepper Hamilton partner] Chuck Greenberg was picked as the lead bidder for the Texas Rangers baseball team being sold by sports tycoon Tom Hicks.” Which will partner nicely with his half ownership in the English Premier League’s Liverpool Football Club.  Okay, OKAY… “Uncle!” We’re sufficiently jealous.  [Reuters]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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