Bitter News, 12-2-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that celebrate a sign of prospective law school-ers abstaining:

• Jennifer Lopez, who’s been trying to keep an alleged sex tape of her and her first husband on the J.Down-Lo, was finally granted a protective order.  Though the exact details of the order are a little hard to make out seeing as Judge James Chalfant wrote it with a Sharpie marker.  (Hope it wasn’t the chisel tip.) Why?  “I guess due to the California budget cuts, as I have no other clue why a Superior Court judge would write and sign a court order with a Sharpie pen.” Sure.  We’ll go with that.  [E! Online]

• Law firm bonuses are a right and not a privilege.  Or did I get that mixed up?  “Bonuses will be few and far between [this year].” Well, at least you have that great salary to fall back on.  Eh, sorry about that first years[The Connecticut Law Tribune]

• Is it too soon to pin all hopes for gay marriage on new late-in-life lesbian Meredith Baxter (Elyse Keaton from Family Ties—duh!)?  The New York State Senate is debating a same-sex marriage bill, and the outcome looks iffy.  But nothing a little Keaton pep talk couldn’t fix.  “Sh-la-la-laa.” [New York Times]

Update: Sorry.  No dice.  Voted down.  More newly gay sitcom moms needed to sway state.  [Reuters]

• Seyfarth Shaw partner William Lancaster wants to Tae Bo his own firm.  He’s suing his employer, alleging he was “demoted” and “exploited” for his representation of fitness guru Billy Blanks, which resulted in a $30-million malpractice suit that was later thrown out.  Til it’s resolved, he’s still reporting to the office.  Which will make the Seyfarth holiday party that much more awesome.  [The National Law Journal]

• Can I get another lawyer in the Tiger Woods mix please?  Oh, good.  Tig’s neighbor who made the 9-1-1 call had his attorney do a press conference.  Because why the hell not?  [Fanhouse]

• “If Adolf Hitler was a 2L, what would he do?” He’d cue this video.  [Above the Law]

News continued below video.

• In case you’re not down with O.P.P. U.A.E., Dubai’s economy is sinking in quicksand.  Real estate is the focus in a country that has a quarter of the world’s construction cranes and $60 billion in debt.  Here’s the skinny on Islamic finance and their concept of bankruptcy—which could be a real test of their legal system.  Interesting timing considering “a federal law restricting the advice bankruptcy lawyers” is being considered by SCOTUS right now.  [The Am Law Daily]

• “What Was Justice Kennedy Doing at the Salahis’ Wedding?” Anyone?  Anyone?  Because he’s staying silent.  And that is what it sounds like when doves fly.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• How to lose a client in 10 days.  Really, it’s six ways to lose a client, but who can resist a Q-T-Pi Kate Hudson reference?  [Law Practice Matters]

• Old people are not happy about their debt.  One 77-year-old lady is suing a Hyundai dealership for pressuring her into buying a car, and 61-year-old Denise Megan Bronsdon just wants to shake her $82K in law school debt she amassed when getting her JD in 2002 from Southern New England School of Law.  Unfortunately, it looks like the Hyundai chick has a stronger case.  Good luck, Denise.  [Des Moines Register | The National Law Journal]

• Speaking of Southern New England School of Law: Look what’s one step closer to Massachusetts’s first state law school?  Which means they’re well on their way to no longer needing to accept applicants who are in their late 50s.  [Boston.com]

• The real-life The Talented Mr. Ripley saga that’s playing out over in Italy is drawing to a close for American murder suspect Amanda Knox.  And it’s been a stunning insight into the Italian judicial system, where the six jurors deliberate with the two judges over her fate.  But what the jury decides hardly matters because the judge has the final say.  This old American system may not be so bad after all.  [CBS News]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom the celebrate the first sign of prospective law school-ers abstaining:

• Jennifer Lopez, who’s been trying to keep an alleged sex tape of her and her first husband on the J.Down-Lo, was finally granted a protective order.  Though the exact details of the order are a little hard to make out seeing as Judge James Chalfant wrote it with a Sharpie marker.  (Hope it wasn’t the chisel tip.) Why?  “I guess due to the California budget cuts, as I have no other clue why a Superior Court judge would write and sign a court order with a Sharpie pen.” Sure.  We’ll go with that.  [E! Online]

• Law firm bonuses are a right and not a privilege.  Or did I get that mixed up?  “Bonuses will be few and far between [this year].” Well, at least you have that great salary to fall back on.  Eh, sorry about that first years[The Connecticut Law Tribune]

• Is it too soon to pin gay hopes everywhere on new late-in-life lesbian Meredith Baxter (the mom, Elyse Keaton, from Family Ties)?  The New York State Senate is debating a same-sex marriage bill, and the outcome looks iffy.  But that’s nothing a little Keaton pep talk can’t fix.  [The New York Times]

Update: No dice.  Voted down.  More newly gay sitcom moms needed to sway state.  [Reuters]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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