Bitter News, 12-4-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that don’t need a study to know that spread legs = sexual attraction:

• Our entire parochial upbringing was spent being reminded that Jesus does not judge us and knows what’s in our hearts.  Well, what if J.C. was a juror for your criminal trial?  It was close to happening when a 59-year-old Birmingham, AL woman named Jesus Christ reported for jury duty—only she was dismissed for being disruptive.  No word on if she was forgiven.  [USA Today]

• This week was cRaZy!  Here are the top-10 wildest legal news stories.  [The Business Insider]

• Not giving thanks for this: Superior court judge John Linde from San Juan County, WA died while snorkeling in Hawaii on Thanksgiving.  [Seattle Times]

• Don’t let that massive dip in the unemployment rate make you feel all warm inside, the legal sector still shed 2,900 jobs in November.  [The Am Law Daily]

• And just because law firms are cutting costs by slashing jobs doesn’t mean they’re going to charge any less.  “U.S. law firms will raise hourly billing rates by an average of 3.2 percent next year, even as clients resist increases.” [Bloomberg]

• Rate increases in the University of California system will make Berkeley Law the most expensive state law school within two years—as much as Harvard and Yale.  It’s like the law program is blossoming into a private school, except most of the students think the flower smells like shit.  [Berkeley Daily Planet]

• We’ve offered a few suggestions before on how not to get caught.  And now we have a shining example.  Not to beat a dead tiger, but the revelations of Mr. Woods’ romps are pretty incredible.  TMZ released emails proving a Woods’ employee arranged a trip for Rachel Uchitel to join Tiger at the Australian Open, sure to be sending Gloria Allred skirmishing—especially with rumors surfacing that Uchitel was paid $1 million to walk away.  For better or worse, Wood may be consulting his pre-nup in the near future.  And here are legal lessons from Woods and six other celebrity couple’s pre-nup arrangements that offer solid tips to live by, such as write your pre-nup on actual paper and watch out for California community property after 11 years.  [Esquire]

• Know who’s the most pissed off about the Tiger Wood debacle?  Eliot Spitzer’s hooker, Ashley Dupre.  And she makes a good point as to why: She wants proper credit for being a far more respectable ho than any of Tiger’s alleged mistresses.  There are pros for going with a pro.  [New York Post]

• Federal judge Richard Smoak has something in common with every drunken frat guy who’s ever judged a spring break contest…they’ve all suffered the pressure of needing to objectively rule on exposed breasts.  Girls Gone Wild front man Joe Francis is responsible for spicing up the Florida judge’s day-to-day.  Smoak decided that he can’t best rule on a lawsuit involving four girls who claimed they were coerced into lifting their shirts unless he sees the video footage for himself.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• For a university that never sucked it up and got their own law school, Princeton is pretty damn concerned about their JD-applying graduates—with bar graphs and everything.  Given the legal environment right now, it’s almost like rooting for your alumni to fail.  [The Daily Princetonian]

• Blogger Hal Turner is amid a trial where he’s been charged with threatening to assault or kill a judge when he posted that the three judges who upheld handgun bans “must die.” One wrinkle being that Turner’s lawyer says his client was a paid FBI informant for inside information on neo-Nazis and white supremacist groups.  How does that factor into the Federal Trade Commission’s new endorsement guidelines[AP via Chicago Tribune]

• Speaking of, here are some disclaimers we’d love to soon be able to post to Bitter Lawyer.  (See below.) Provided are some foolproof, simple icons for understanding the new FTC disclosure rules for bloggers.  Because conflicts of interest make for the best blogging.  [LouisGray.com]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that don’t need a study to know that spread legs = sexual attraction:

• Our entire parochial upbringing was spent being reminded that Jesus does not judge us and knows what’s in our hearts.  Well, what if J.C. was a juror for your criminal trial?  It was close to happening when a 59-year-old Birmingham, AL woman named Jesus Christ reported for jury duty—only she was dismissed for being disruptive.  No word on if she was forgiven.  [USA Today]

• This week was cRaZy!  Here are the top-10 wildest legal news stories.  [The Business Insider]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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