Bitter News, 12-8-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom with a recommendation to pair Champagne with fish vagina:

• Order up another Spitzer Media-Makover Special!  We have a new sex scandal on our hands—except this one is kinkier… When’s the absolute worst time to forget your hate-sex safe words?  When you’re about to die and need to use your hate-sex safe words.  Green balloons.  GREEN BALLOONS!  Former Missouri House Speaker Rod Jetton was charged with second-degree felony for allegedly beating and choking a woman (not his wife—surprise!) so brutally during sex that she lost consciousness and lost “function of a part of her body.” After nearly dying, Jetton said, “You should have said green balloons,” to her the next morning according to the affidavit.  And really, she should have.  What was she thinking?  [St. Louis Business Journal]

Update: Jetton is closing his political consulting firm to “deal with false allegations and spend time with his family.” Not a bad idea.  [The Kansas City Star]

• You’ve met Marc Randazza.  Now read our own Michael Estrin’s profile on the other hard-core, white, middle-aged male lawyers behind “California’s MultiBillion-dollar X-rated industry.” [California Lawyer]

• New Jersey lawyer David Witherspoon is facing a three-month suspension for vulgar comments he made to women.  His excuse?  He’s a FUCKING BANKA!  “Witherspoon, who was admitted to the bar in 1994, spent seven years in banking on Wall Street where such bad behavior is not taken as seriously as it is in the legal profession.” [New Jersey Law Journal]

• Justice Sotomayor is on the board with her first court opinion where she bags on carpet.  [Bloomberg]

• DLA says, “Go away,” to lockstep advancement.  Is abandoning traditional advancement and leaving it shivering on the street so close to the holidays a gritty move?  Hardly.  “The firm expects the new system will end up paying most associates—who also will be eligible for bonuses—more than what they earn now.” Which would mean there could be a lot of Pipers piping this Christmas.  [The Am Law Daily]

• There may be a rewrite in the future of the Miranda rights in order to make them more “hyper technical”—or easier for dumbass suspects to understand.  This could be bad news for the cast of Law & Order who may actually have to memorize news lines and stop phoning it in.  [Courthouse News]

• Looks like we’ll have to wait to see if “Their blood will replenish the tree of liberty” is conviction-worthy.  After a long weekend with a “hopelessly deadlocked” jury, a mistrial was declared in the case of Hal Turner, the blogger who made death threats against three federal judges who supported gun control.  [The New York Times]

• What makes a good law school exam question?  Other than ‘yo mamma?’ Law profs from around the country sound off.  “A good law exam answer . . . is like a poem.” Oh, gawwd.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• The ABA’s annual list of the 100 best Blawgs includes Bitter Lawyer for the second year in a row.  And now it all comes down to a democratic vote to be category winner, which isn’t easy.  So, if you want Bitter Lawyer to live to see another day, please take a moment to vote…or die.  [ABA Journal]



Check out more news from previous days.

Join Bitter Lawyer on Facebook.  Follow on Twitter.

Buy Bitter Lawyer merchandise.

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom with a recommendation to pair Champagne with fish vagina:

• Order up another Spitzer Media-Makover Special!  We have a new sex scandal on our hands—except this one is kinkier… When’s the absolute worst time to forget your hate-sex safe words?  When you’re about to die and need to use your hate-sex safe words.  Green balloons.  GREEN BALLOONS!  Former Missouri House Speaker Rod Jetton was charged with second-degree felony for allegedly beating and choking a woman (not his wife—surprise!) so brutally during sex that she lost consciousness and lost “function of a part of her body.” After nearly dying, Jetton said, “You should have said green balloons,” to her the next morning according to the affidavit.  And really, she should have.  What was she thinking?  [St. Louis Business Journal]

Update: Jetton is closing his political consulting firm to “deal with false allegations and spend time with his family.” Not a bad idea.  [The Kansas City Star]

• You’ve met Marc Randazza.  Now read our own Michael Estrin’s profile on the other hard-core, white, middle-aged male lawyers behind “California’s MultiBillion-dollar X-rated industry.” [California Lawyer]

• New Jersey lawyer David Witherspoon is facing a three-month suspension for vulgar comments he made to women.  His excuse?  He’s a FUCKING BANKA!  “Witherspoon, who was admitted to the bar in 1994, spent seven years in banking on Wall Street where such bad behavior is not taken as seriously as it is in the legal profession.” [New Jersey Law Journal]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>