Bitter News, 2-12-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as critically analyzed as a Jersey Shore porn parody:

• You can practically hear NBC playing the trumpeted climax of the Olympic Fanfare song already.  (And a serious R.I.P. goes out to the Georgian luger who died at 90 miles per hour on the track today.  But the show must go on.) And the Vancouver Winter Games opening ceremonies are tonight.  As Canadian lawyers wax on about “mindless nationalism,” we wondered what Olympic athletes later used their “determination” and “competitive streak” to earn JDs.  Wonder no more.  Here’s a list. 

[Business Insider]

• Ehhhh, woops?  “The lead lawyer for thousands of Sept. 11 rescue and recovery workers [Paul Napoli] has acknowledged that in preparing some claims, his firm made mistakes – including assertions that people had cancer when they didn’t.” Considering reports that they’re being compensated handsomely for their work, you’d expect better typo superstars.  Somethings fishy.  [Fobes.com]

• Your Valentines have all been set to the SCOTUS justices.  And you’re ready to celebrate love on Sunday—hopefully in a less sickening way than lawyer/VP Joe Biden and Dr. Jill.  So riddle me this: Which Supreme Court case is the most romantic sounding? Rose v. Rose? Valentine v. United States?  Let your heart do the voting.  [Legal Blog Watch]

• Washington DC’s Snowverkill was responsible for more than just cancelled law school and lawyer hookie: “Blizzard conditions across the region closed 70 law school admission test centers and threw kinks in some students’ plans to take the LSAT last Saturday.” What’s worse—unable to make your LSAT due to a blizzard, or having your in-progress LSAT interrupted by a semi-major earthquake?  A no-brainer.  Earthquakes are for pussies anyway.  [The GW Hatchet]

U.S. News rankings guru Bob Morse responds to the ABA’s decision to launch an inquiry into their intention to numerically rank law firms, which has already pissed off a good amount of people who think the ABA only cares about BigLaw—not law students.  Bob wants the ABA to bring it on! 

[U.S. News & World Report]

• Is the lawyer representing the American missionaries accused of child trafficking in Haiti a pimp?  Let’s just say Jorge Puello is wanted in El Salvador for leading a ring that forces Caribbean women into prostitution.  [New York Times via The Daily Beast]

• An un-cool occupational hazard: Gunmen shot and killed a lawyer representing one of the men alleged to have helped the Mumbai, India terrorists.  [CNN]

• Speaking of terrorism, Obama will help select location of Khalid Sheik Mohammed terrorism trial since Attorney General Eric Holder couldn’t handle it.  [Washington Post]

• Bitter News headline math:

A Penthouse dancer’s lawsuit against the famous jiggle joint for cheating her out of wages

+

A report that Facebook is a “treasure trove for divorce lawyers”

=

Our interview with Playboy model and divorce attorney Corri Fetman!

• Dr. Dre is suing Death Row records.  And since it’s Friday—and we’re all relieved to hear that “Lil Wayne’s lawyer has stepped forward to address the rapper’s delayed sentencing and said he would maintain his diamond encrusted teeth plates after undergoing dental surgery”—we want to leave you with more weekend hip hop.  So here’s a little taste of Chicago-style “Big Law.” Big Law is rapper, and though forcefully rhyming “thirteen” and “hurting” to tell his own story, I doth think he’s speaking metaphorically of actual BigLaw.  (His backdrop of mainly imposing, BigLaw-looking skyscrapers leads me in that direction.) Personally, I prefer Big Norm breaking it down in the Living the Dream theme song.  But maybe we may need to demand a battle… [World Star Hip-Hop]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as critically analyzed as a Jersey Shore porn parody:

• You can practically hear NBC playing the trumpeted climax of the Olympic Fanfare song already.  (And a serious R.I.P. goes out to the Georgian luger who died at 90 miles per hour on the track today.  But the show must go on.) And the Vancouver Winter Games opening ceremonies are tonight.  As Canadian lawyers wax on about “mindless nationalism,” we wondered what Olympic athletes later used their “determination” and “competitive streak” to earn JDs.  Wonder no more.  Here’s a list. 

[Business Insider]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. Lady Lawyer

    February 12, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    Great going Bitter News

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