Bitter News, 2-18-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that like watching Epic Beard Man make violence the answer:

• How would you like to join a law firm of one?  And the oldest and largest law firm in the US, at that.  “President George Washington established the Army JAG Corps on July 29th, 1775, and some of the most elite attorneys from all around the country have been serving there ever since.” (Damn, they must be old.) Now JAG wants to recruit you.  It’s one lawyer job you can actually retire from with pride.  Go Army…of lawyers.  [US Army]

• Legal eagles, you’re going to love this.  Swiss lawyer Antoine F. Goetschel is “Europe’s only animal lawyer and the figurehead for a movement that wants to expand Zurich’s pioneering legal system across Switzerland.” In his last case, he represented a dead pike who was caught by a fisherman.  So much for being a neutral country.  [Associated Press]

• Busted for cocaine possession in 1990.  Busted with marijuana and crack in 2002.  Plead guilty to misdemeanor tax charges in 2005.  Charged with a DUI in 2006.  Tests positive for multiple drugs in 2006.  What degenerate this rap sheet?  Oh, those are just the legal woes of D.C. Council member Marion Barry.  [The Washington Post]

• It’s your life, and you make the choices.  You hear that?  YOU make the choices.  That includes where you work.  How hard you work.  And who you screw.  “Making a decision is the most powerful thing you can do, but it must be backed up with the power of commitment.” Are you thinking deeply yet?  Now go do what you want to do already!  Do you control your career, or does your career control you?  You gotta commit.  Have you committed yet?  I can’t hear you!  [Harrison Barnes]

• You know you’re a law student when…you start making less-funny Jeff Foxworthy-like lists that start with “You know you’re a law student when…” [The Docket Online]

• Are you sitting down?  Is your Mii prepared for this kind of lawyerly philanthropy?  “The Beasley Allen Law Firm announced it has donated a Wii game console to the Jimmy Hale Mission in Birmingham as part of the firm’s Wii Give Back campaign.” [Montgomery Advertiser]

• Google thinks you’re all a bunch of Google bitches.  Google Buzz and Google Books are getting into the legal deep end so quickly into their infancy.  [PC World | Wired ]

• Nothing like a sloppy second run-in with the law.  Crystal Gail Mangum, the woman who accused the Duke lacrosse players of rape, was arrested for attempted first-degree murder.  Oh, and she was also charged with five counts of arson, assault and battery, communicating threats, three counts of misdemeanor child abuse, injury to personal property, identity theft and resisting a public officer, but who’s counting.  [New York Post]

• And you thought law school was expensive.  This lady has $555,000 in medical school debt.  At least if she tried to kill herself she’s skilled enough to save her own life.  [Yahoo! Finance]

• Law professor lateral tracking.  Catch the fever.  [BL1Y.com]

• This is sort of opposite of the way it usually works.  A judge ordered eight U.S. missionaries who were in Haiti for almost three weeks back to Miami.  WilmerHale, take a bow[CNN]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that like watching Epic Beard Man make violence the answer:

• How would you like to join a law firm of one?  And the oldest and largest law firm in the US, at that.  “President George Washington established the Army JAG Corps on July 29th, 1775, and some of the most elite attorneys from all around the country have been serving there ever since.” (Damn, they must be old.) Now JAG wants to recruit you.  It’s one lawyer job you can actually retire from with pride.  Go Army…of lawyers.  [US Army]

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