Bitter News, 2-26-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as celebratory as an on-ice stogie with Canada’s hockey ladies:

• Well, flip off a workout ball and slap me silly, beat this for lawyer news: “A Suffolk County Women’s Bar Association officer and Family Court attorney moonlights as an Internet dominatrix—turning her ex’s swanky pad into a pleasure dungeon where she offers to turn tricks, court papers charge.” Marcy Baron—AKA the noms de whip Morgan Page, Mrs. Robinson OR Lady Dominique—has her ex now trying to legally boot her from her dojo.  Which means we need to find a new place to submissively watch this exquisite beauty put on “a show of masturbation” several times for $275.  (Sorry, was that too soon after lunch?) [New York Post]

• Viva Las Craigslist.  A San Francisco lawyer is selling his slightly used law degree that he bought for more than $100K to a lucky buyer for his remaining balance due of $59,250.  “This priceless collectible will permit you to be surrounded by hobby-less a**holes whose entire life is dictated by billing by the hour and being anal dickheads. Additionally, this piece of paper has the amazing ability to keep you from doing what you really want to do in life, all in the name of purported prestige and financial success.” [Above the Law]

Yesterday we mentioned the three reasons lawyers are miserable.  So now it only makes sense to wonder how to avoid major regrets over the course of your career.  And it all boils down to this: “Don’t hold happiness hostage.” Get over happiness being a goal.  It’s also important to remember that it’s not all about you, but let’s face—it is. [The Legal Intelligencer]

• Here’s how the third time’s a charm for successfully losing a motion argument—along with a great picture of breasts.  [The Namby Pamby, Attorney-at-Law]

• Whether death by hot dog or death by Tilikum the killer SeaWorld whale, both are entangled in a bit of legal red tape.  [ABA Journal: Hot Dog | Whale]

• Legal thriller author John Grisham wants to be the J.K. Rowling of tween legal fiction.  He’s writing a book series for kids called “Theodore Boone: Kid Lawyer” about a 13-year-old son of two lawyers in the south.  No word on if the storylines will focus on the epic neglect he endures from his mom and dad who are always busy, in bad moods, suffer from stolen spirits and look really haggard.  [New York Times]

• While snow throughout the northeast keeps people dying untimely deaths (not even Central Park is safe), all those freak take-outs and injuries are payola for Howard Altschule, a forensic meteorologist.  He’s the go-to “weather detective” who gets hired by prosecution and defense teams to testify about weather-related accidents.  [New York Daily News]

• “Yelp,” like Google is no longer just a website—it’s verb.  And while the latter is a lightening rod for litigation recently (here, here and here—to name only a few), since some business owners are frustrated with Yelp because, like Google, positive or negative reviews can materially impact a business, Yelp is the recipient of a new class-action lawsuit.  It’s being alleged that “consumer-driven reviews of restaurants, retailers, products, (and other stuff) are, at their essence, fraudulent.” Which means “yelp” as verb now means a shrill scream for legal help or the can be used interchangeably with another four-letter word.  Yelp is yelped.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• The hotly un-anticipated Oscar Awards are coming up next Sunday, March 7.  And all those toothy, plucky nominees would be nowhere without their lawyers.  So here’s a look at some of the biggest legal power players behind the curtain.  [Business Insider]

• Here’s something about a lawyer and Wall Street and “mancakes.” A personal trainer went from laid-off lawyer to cupcake maker for dudes.  So just shut up and eat your goddamn camouflage cupcake, you worthless piece—or you can drop and give me 20.  [Wall Street Journal]

• Brother can you spare a dime via a popular social networking site for me to get a lawyer?  Tweets gone wild.  “Embattled Detroit political consultant Sam Riddle is tweeting for cash, asking for donations to fund a new legal team.” He set up a website for people to contribute, and he’s focusing his efforts on drumming up support via his Twitter account.  [Detroit Free Press]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as celebratory as an on-ice stogie with Canada’s hockey ladies:

• Well, flip off a workout ball and slap me silly, beat this for lawyer news: “A Suffolk County Women’s Bar Association officer and Family Court attorney moonlights as an Internet dominatrix—turning her ex’s swanky pad into a pleasure dungeon where she offers to turn tricks, court papers charge.” Marcy Baron—AKA the noms de whip Morgan Page, Mrs. Robinson OR Lady Dominique—has her ex now trying to legally boot her from her dojo.  Which means we need to find a new place to submissively watch this exquisite beauty put on “a show of masturbation” several times for $275.  (Sorry, was that too soon after lunch?) [New York Post]

• Viva Las Craigslist.  A San Francisco lawyer is selling his slightly used law degree that he bought for more than $100K to a lucky buyer for his remaining balance due of $59,250.

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. NY10

    February 26, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    So much to digest for a Friday.  Staying home on this snowy night reading BNews makes me feel so informed.

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