Bitter News, 3-10-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will live 70 years—as long a man’s sexual activity lifespan:

• Could Paxil kill the BigLaw rock star?  As Law Firm 10 once shrewdly noted when ruminating on whether to begin taking prescribed anti-anxiety meds, “I’m a sought-after associate by partners because of my good judgment and attention to detail.  They know that I possess that special mixture of pathological perfectionism, neurotic need for approval, and irrational fear of failure that make for a superstar litigator.  Without my anxieties, I truly do not know what would motivate me to triple check each and every mind-numbingly minute detail of a brief at 3 AM the night before it’s due.” Basically, when you work at a law firm, there are lots of reasons why “popping anti-depressant pills is probably a waste of time.” [Above the Law]

• What does the most expensive California divorce ever call for?  David Boies, of course.  Jamie McCourt has hired “one of America’s most celebrated trial lawyers” to rep her in her divorce from Dodgers owner Frank McCourt.  This means war.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Don’t mess with Texas……’s death penalty.  “A Houston judge who ruled last week that the procedures surrounding the Texas death penalty are unconstitutional rescinded his ruling Tuesday to schedule a hearing for lawyers on both sides to submit arguments on the issue.” [Houston Chronicle]

• Even bubble gum pop culture bloggers agree: Something ain’t right about that Lindsay Lohan/E*Trade lawsuit.  There isn’t a single counterintuitive argument possible to justify a $100 million suit against a baby “milkaholic.” Here are five possible explanations as to what the hell LiLo’s legal representation may be thinking.  [THR, Esq.]

• If SCOTUS had a Lindsay Lohan, it would be Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr.—with all the splashy headlines he’s been making lately, that is.  He’s on record for calling the scene at the State of the Union “very troubling.” And yesterday he fired back at the Georgetown Law professor who allegedly started a blogosphere-rampant rumor that he was stepping down because he’s so overwhelmed.  Next up: His new bedazzled handbag line to be sold at Kohl’s nationwide.  [AL.com]

U.S. News & World Report rankings have been touching law schools in their no-no places for years.  The power of rankings hold law schools hostage—and, as a result, have created a wicked case of Stockholm syndrome.  Yet another paradoxical psychological attempt by law schools to impress their captor at the literal expense of their customers?  Increasing faculty size.  According to this piece, “schools have increased their faculty size by 40 percent over the past 10 years, partly in order to bring their student-faculty ratios down and thereby gain a hike up the U.S. News rankings,” which has affected tuition costs to the tune of “a 74 percent increase at private schools and a 102 percent at public institutions.” [WSJ Law Blog]

• The “bad taste” stigma of law firm marketing has been around for a while.  And for good reason.  Here are 22 great, obnoxious feats in “unconventional” lawyer marketing.  Our risqué girl Corri Fetman comes in at #9 on their list.  (Picture below.) Have at it.  [Avvo Blog]

News continued below image.

• Look out, video game attorney Shawn Foust.  Loeb & Loeb is coming after you.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Jack, Chad, James and Brian: The four calculating, ego-driven, Gestapo-esque, doughy BigLaw mental patients a solo lawyer will never have to meet.  [Small Firm Business]

• A “once upon a time” story about cheese that can push any unemployed lawyer over the edge.  [BL1Y]

• Lawyers: Quit yer bitchin’ already.  [Infinite Loathing]

• Of course this would turn into a lovefest. Letterman has been thanking authorities like Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance and former D.A. Robert Morgenthau for handled his extortion attempt.  They’ve been goo-goo in thanking him right back (see video below).  And even the guilty party seems chipper.  “The Emmy-award winning CBS producer who pleaded guilty to attempting to extort David Letterman was ‘delighted’ to take a plea deal and avoid a trial that could have landed him in jail for 15 years.” [ABC News]

Check out more news from previous days.

Join Bitter Lawyer on Facebook.  Follow on Twitter.

Buy Bitter Lawyer merchandise.

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will live 70 years—as long a man’s sexual activity lifespan:

• Could Paxil kill the BigLaw rock star?  As Law Firm 10 once shrewdly noted when ruminating on whether to begin taking prescribed anti-anxiety meds, “I’m a sought-after associate by partners because of my good judgment and attention to detail.  They know that I possess that special mixture of pathological perfectionism, neurotic need for approval, and irrational fear of failure that make for a superstar litigator.  Without my anxieties, I truly do not know what would motivate me to triple check each and every mind-numbingly minute detail of a brief at 3 AM the night before it’s due.” Basically, when you work at a law firm, there are lots of reasons why “popping anti-depressant pills is probably a waste of time.” [Above the Law]

• What does the most expensive California divorce ever call for?  David Boies, of course.  Jamie McCourt has hired “one of America’s most celebrated trial lawyers” to rep her in her divorce from Dodgers owner Frank McCourt.  This means war.  [Los Angeles Times]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>