Bitter News, 3-2-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as smart as a liberal, sexually exclusive male atheist:

• A new UK study in the Telegraph has uncovered the uncovered: Lotsa people are madly attached to their BlackBerrys, iPhones and PDAs.  The Quinn Emanuel partner’s edict last year starkly reminded us all to work constantly—except in tunnels.  Just look at the results so far from today’s Bitter Poll:

You don’t have to be an abused associate to know that with modern technology, duty can call anytime it freaking wants.  Just ask Cincinnati estate planning attorney Aaron Byrd.  It actually made headlines when he went on vacation for a week without BlackBerry reception.  Keeping in mind the lawyer works regardless of setting, here are some facts from the study that are so crazy low and out of proportion, you’ll go crazy at how little the English seem to work:

• Only one-fifth of UK workers keep their phones on over the weekend;

• 24% feel stressed because they feel always on-call;

• One-third of men turn off phones and BlackBerrys compared to half of women;

• 22% check their work email on weekends.

Then it gets interesting:

• 79% work with “virtual colleagues,” having only met half the people they work with most;

• Having a BlackBerry results in people working an extra 10 days per year.

• And if you’re an employer who’s feeling proud about squeezing all that extra work out of your technology-tethered minions, a different study has a new red flag for you.  “Disguised as instruments of productivity, they are subverting your staff’s most precious resource: attention. Incessant email alerts, instant messages, buzzing BlackBerrys and cellphones are decimating workplace concentration.” What you’re juicing from associates out of the office, you’re losing in the office.  The average “information worker” loses 2.1 hours of productivity every day and “email overload” can cost companies $1 billion a year.  Oh, and that multi-tasking thing we all pride ourselves on?  Doesn’t exist.  People can’t perform more than one “thinking task” at a time.  And trying to prove that statement wrong drops productivity by as much as 40%.  Now back to work!  [Vancouver Sun]

• Luckily one Harvard law student chose to remain anonymous when he typed up his pity party about “being a 3L with no job offer…from Harvard, no less.” What’s the first step in sounding like a dispassionate, entitled soon-to-be top-tier grad?  Raising your hands in helplessness.  “1. It’s not our fault.  The economy changed unexpectedly, and things are tough all over.” Cue the ridicule

[Harvard Law Record]

• The opposite of a Band-Aid on a bullet hole: “[A] former Morrison & Foerster secretary claims that one of the firm’s associates once threatened to bring an Uzi to work and kill people if a fax wasn’t located.” [ABA Journal]

• Give me that magic buzz work again.  Yes.  “Diversity.” Ahh.  It’s what BigLaw and John Mayer are best known for.  And just as the numbers dwindle of non-white people with vaginae or outwardly homosexual desires at major firms, research now shows that U.S. News & World Report law school rankings “aren’t helping legal educators build a more diverse student body.” [The National Law Journal]

• We’ve accused lawyers of some ass-hatter-y before, but it looks like someone is going at it full steam.  A site called Asshat Lawyers exists.  And its slogan is “Asshate Lawyer is born, recognized, and awarded a crown of ass.” (Yes, that’s right, a crown of ass.) The text is so typographically interesting that it’s hard to decipher, but it seems to aim its ire at Avvo.com and UsLaw.com for their “breeding grounds for corruptions, misrepresentation, and false advertisements.” [AsshatLawyer.com]

• Quinn Emanuel partner David Quinto likes to sue people who screw with bald-headed golden boys.  And not because he is one.  He’s the main lawyer behind the Academy Awards.  And here’s an interview about his legal thwarting of statues with “rather large phalluses.” [THR, Esq.]

• And speaking of Hollywood awards, “Randy Quaid called the most random witness EVER today in his ongoing legal war with an innkeeper—his 1988 Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Miniseries or Television Film.” He’s been in court for skipping out on a $10K hotel bill followed by skipping four court appears regarding it.  Now he’s trying to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he’s a winner.  The s#!tter is full again, Cousin Eddie.  [TMZ]

• Olympic gold-medalist Lindsey Vonn can’t keep herself out of the legal profession.  All her experience growing up with a lawyer mom and a BigLaw dad can now be channeled into her upcoming guest role on Law & Order.  [San Jose Mercury News]

• Lying lawyers.  It’s not just alliteration that makes those words go so well together.  (And it sounds a lot more fun than Attorney Deceit.) Here are all the “statutes on the books that single out lawyers who engage in deceit or collusion” that can get an attorney charged with “criminal penalties and/or civil liability in the form of treble damages.” Treble for your trouble.  [Instapundit.com]

• Just as deferred associates are growing addicted to public work, so are law students.  Look at all their amazing deeds, and they don’t even need to pay back a stipend to be able to do it:

—Spring Break Haiti for Santa Clara a University law student.  [USA Today]

—Yalies are going to stop the Tuvaluans from drowning.  All of them.  [Yale Daily News]

—Miami law students get their paint on by renovating an art studio.  [The Miami Hurricane]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as smart as a liberal, sexually exclusive male atheist:

• A new UK study in the Telegraph has uncovered the uncovered: Lotsa people are madly attached to their BlackBerrys, iPhones and PDAs.  The Quinn Emanuel partner’s edict last year starkly reminded us all to work constantly—except in tunnels.  Just look at the results so far from today’s Bitter Poll:

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. Lady 10

    March 2, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    Great news today

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