Bitter News, 3-4-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom so pretentious you need a pretentious hat manual:

• OMG!  OMG!  RadarOnline.com, a gossip blog you generally go to for hot Tiger tidbits, almost broke major “exclusive” SCOTUS news this morning when it posted that Chief Justice John Roberts was considering stepping down.  Like from the bench.  Like totally “seriously” considering.  Do you dig?  But that was only until the site received “new information” that said he—wait for it—wasn’t!  Don’t play with our emotion like that, Radar!  FML!  Oh, I just heard that Snooki’s a lesbian.  No, no—new info in that she called Lindsay Lohan “gross.” Then she did a back flip.  You gotta see this shiznit.  [Radar Online]

• A follow-up to yesterday’s top story: The poor “Terp fanatic” 1L from the University of Baltimore ended up snagging a ticket to last night’s Duke-Maryland game.  And he had to work for it—but not by contracting future legal work like he originally offered on Craigslist.  He’s doing manual labor for the Maryland Athletic Department and soaking in their generosity.  [The Baltimore Sun]

Keep America Safe, a group launched by former Vice President Cheney’s eldest daughter Liz aimed at “rallying opposition to the ‘radical’ foreign policy of the Obama administration,” has put out a controversial new ad (video below) questioning Attorney General Eric Holder’s integrity and demanding the identity of the seven unnamed Department of Justice lawyers who represented Guantanamo detainees prior to their government service in “the Al Qaeda 7.” The group is outraged that these lawyers would now bat for the other team, and, consequently, legal experts are pissed as well.  Then, low and behold, Fox News uncovered the identities of the missing seven yesterday.  And they are a group of BigLaw alumni.  The Justice Department was offended that their “patriotism is being questioned,” but it did confirm the names.  And they are all former employees of either WilmerHale, O’Melveny & Myers, Sidley Austin, Debevoise & Plimpton, Morrison & Foerster or Human Rights Watch.  [Fox News]

News continued below video.

• Pun intended: The Hurt Locker was the bomb.  Loved that movie.  Exploding stuff is fun.  White-knuckle anticipation of exploding stuff is even more fun.  And it’s been successful, which is possibly why Master Sgt. Jeffrey Sarver is suing the Oscar-nominated film for a share of the profits four days before the Academy Awards.  (Though who knows if it will actually win best picture following its recent voting scandal.) Sarver claims the main character, played by best-actor nominee Jeremy Renner, is based on him and that his life story was ripped off from a profile written about him in Playboy that chronicled how he risks being killed daily to dismantle bombs.  Ironically, Sarver is being represented by “Dr. Death” Jack Kevorkian’s former lawyer.  [The National Law Journal]

• Starbucks is making some people Grande nervous and jittery—and it’s not the coffee.  Gun-control advocates are jolted by the chain’s refusal to ban weapons on their premises.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• Seems a little late to be asking, but U.S. News & World Report is ferreting the question: Are our rankings “game-changers” in law school admissions?  And in the very first line they conclude yes, they are.  But what about that diversity sticking point?  Well, that’s immeasurable.  Maine doesn’t have the color California does.  So stop being diversely difficult and get out of here.  [U.S. News & World Report]

• Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison tax associate Colin Kelly bought a $572,000 Manhattan apartment.  He decorated it with dumpster chic furniture and accessories—like a vase he found on the street full of urine.  Then a group saved him and redid his whole place for $8K.  Feel-good story of the year so far.  [The New York Times]

• Do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200, bypass law school entirely and immediately apply to become Illinois’ Lieutenant Governor.  The state’s Democratic Party is letting anyone apply.  And they’re looking forward to hearing from you.  [North by Northwestern]

• No caps on lawyer malpractice please.  Thank you!  [Huffington Post]

• Here’s your definitive guide to dealing with the “BigLaw hierarchy of importance.” How to handle yourself around LF10’s prestige-whore boyfriend wasn’t mentioned, but what is covered is how to effectively telephone and personally interact with firm Big Wigs.  Or basically: How to function as a human in an office.  [Fulton County Daily Report]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom so pretentious you need a pretentious hat manual:

• OMG!  OMG!  RadarOnline.com, a gossip blog you generally go to for hot Tiger tidbits, almost broke major “exclusive” SCOTUS news this morning when it posted that Chief Justice John Roberts was considering stepping down.  Like from the bench.  Like totally “seriously” considering.  Do you dig?  But that was only until the site received “new information” that said he—wait for it—wasn’t!  Don’t play with our emotion like that, Radar!  FML!  Oh, I just heard that Snooki’s a lesbian.  No, no—new info in that she called Lindsay Lohan “gross.” Then she did a back flip.  You gotta see this shiznit.  [Radar Online]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. BB

    March 4, 2010 at 8:04 pm

    When did psych become sike? As used in the thumbnail for this column which read: “Chief Justice Steps Down. Sike! Made you look.”

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