Bitter News, 3-9-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom with all the subtext of how to cook the perfect sausage:

• Andy Bernard from The Office is the new face of Cornell Law School??  Apparently so.  Apparently so.  [Above the Law] [Entertainment Weekly] [The Cornell Daily Sun]

• There are 13 reasons why your sorry ass still doesn’t have a job.  There’s even a chart to prove it.  Networking: Whether it’s law school networking or lawyer/lawyer networking, it’s important.  (To learn how, we lead you here.) But you also need to grow a pair and develop into a better leader in law school.  And for that, there are six tips.  So simple.  [PSLawNet]

• Hiring partners are split.  We’ve called them harassing.  And you old-fashioned types bristle every time we suggest not shoving a piece of worthless stationary that says nothing in front of interviewers’ faces.  To “thank-you note” or not to “thank-you note?” Handwritten or emailed?  Pro forma, “perfunctory” bullshit or the perfect finishing touch?  The debate wages on.  [Corporette]

Jack Daniels is healthy and laptops in the classroom aren’t.  Go figure.  [Washington Post]

• Just got laid by your twin brother’s lover?  Congrats, dude.  You could soon be appealing a sexual assault conviction.  [TheStar.com via Bad Lawyer]

• For those of you heading off to law school and getting ready to fire up your new blogs, we hate you.  Because you don’t listen to reason.  (And we’ll likely see you pulling the same unoriginal crap on the unemployment line three years later.) One of our favorite law school bloggers, Dennis Jansen, tries to help by firing some bullet points at 0Ls.  [Dennis-Jansen.com]

• You begged for it—another round of Celebu-Law:

—Milking it: Lindsay (Lohan—duh!) is suing E*Trade for using her drunk-baby likeness.  [NY Post]

—Halderman pleaded guilty to second-degree larceny for trying to blackmail David Letterman [CNN]

—Ben Roethlisberger’s sports agent is non-lawyer Ryan Tollner, but he’s not enough.  The new attorney hired to defend the football-er is athlete-ass-saver Ed Garland.  [Freep]

• Bigelow and Cameron can’t get out of the same bed.  First, major DILF and “Best Director” winner Katherine Bigelow’s movie Hurt Locker was sued last week by an Army sergeant who claims the film’s main character is based on him.  Now director “James Cameron has been sued for copyright infringement for allegedly stealing source material to create the international blockbuster Avatar.” What took them so long?  [THR, Esq.]

• THIS JUST IN: John Roberts got a haircut.  THIS JUST IN: It’s not that John Roberts.  (This guy can’t catch a friggen tabloid break.) [Gawker]

• Matt Damon is a lawyer!  And this is our second headline with a name fake-out!  The Matthew Damon being referred to is the president of Halleland Lewis Nilan & Johnson.  That firm is losing its co-founder, Keith Halleland, because he’s leaving to start his own health-care law firm because of a dispute over alternative billing.  [Minneapolis Star Tribune via ABA Journal]

• Still not alternative billing, Mr. Damon?  There’s now an iPhone app that lets you mobile bill your time.  Perfect for those who are ImpatientCowMOO! about logging that crap.  Too bad six-minute accountability is no longer going to be the mainstay of the legal profession and is the “recipe for attorney and client unhappiness.” [Legal Blog Watch]

• “Finally, someone is about to be punished for sleazy John Edwards having an illicit love child behind the back of his cancer-stricken wife, and lying to the world about it.” And it’s not Edwards, natch.  “A judge said Tuesday he is considering whether to send a former John Edwards aide to jail for contempt over his handling of a purported sex tape showing the former presidential candidate.” Judge Fun Cruncher.  [Associated Press]

• Someone has to defend the designer shoe industry from impostors with vigilantly brute force.  And Jeannie Suk, Guggenheim fellow the first Asian-American woman on the tenure track at Harvard Law School, is just the person to do it.  [Boston.com]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom with all the subtext of how to cook the perfect sausage:

• Andy Bernard from The Office is the new face of Cornell Law School??  Apparently so.  Apparently so.  [Above the Law]

• There are 13 reasons why your sorry ass still doesn’t have a job.  There’s even a chart to prove it.  Networking: Whether it’s law school networking or lawyer/lawyer networking, it’s important.  (To learn how, we lead you here.) But you also need to grow a pair and develop into a better leader in law school.  And for that, there are six tips.  So simple.  [PSLawNet]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

2 Comments

  1. Jansen

    March 9, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Thanks for the mention and the bullet reference

  2. A

    March 10, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Brilliant Idea: find a tv character that went to Cornell, not Cornell Law; make sure the character plays a douchebag leading a miserable life and working at a shitty job; after there has already been a 50% jump in applications, post said retard saying something arrogant; hope people who have some of the best scores in the nation are attracted to this kind of stupidity.  Somewhere there is a fat woman with HR training that needs to be fired, maybe killed.

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