Bitter News, 4-26-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom saying not to eulogize Bret Michaels yet:

• Keep your dumps like a truck, truck, truck under wraps this bikini season.  “The North Carolina town called ‘Mayberry with a beach’ by its mayor has banned swimmers from wearing revealing swimwear, thus making the donning of thongs illegal.” There goes their postcard industry!  Sunshine and happiness, however, are still legal.  (Somewhere in One-Hit-Wonderville, Sisqo is weeping.) [CBS News]

• “A free speech dispute over a California law banning sale of violent video games to children will go to the Supreme Court for review.” California contends it can regulate violent videos to protect minors, just as it can sexual materials.  Video game violence is like a tumor on a kid’s brain, so who would have thought the day would ever come where Schwarzenegger would be arguing against graphic violence?  “Don’t worry, kids.  If you can’t get your hands on those video games, you can sit quietly on the sofa and watch an old Schwarzenegger movie.” It’s not a tumor! [CNN | Althouse]

• Does a 538-word sentence take the cake for longest sentence in legal document?  Why does a 538-word sentence even exist…anywhere?  [Lowering the Bar]

• Don’t fuck with iPhone.  Legally speaking.  [Media Decoder @ NYT]

• Welcome to the Howrey law firm: Home of the reduced-salary, two-year new-associate program, “litigator boot camp,” and the death of lock-step compensation.  We kind of think it’s brilliant.  Care to join us, BigLaw?  [Washington Post]

• You may not know or been trained to do much, law grad.  But you should at least know how to [not] talk to the cops.  [Above the Law]

• If The Fast and the Furious was a lawyer living in Indonesia, it would be Hotman Paris Hutapea.  “In a country where bribes play an integral part in the legal system, where attorneys and judges usually hide part of their wealth to deflect unwanted attention, Mr. Hutapea has never denied gaming the system.” He gives the Most Interesting Man in the World a run for his money.  “‘There is no lawyer on earth who is clean.” Stay thirsty, my friends.  [The New York Times]

• Man vs. Church.  Minnesota lawyer Jeff Anderson is the main man behind sex abuse accusations against the Catholic Church.  Add Professor Langdon and some symbols, and you have a new Dan Brown bestseller.  [CNN]

Pot Mary Jane Marijuana dispensaries are becoming a boon for lawyers in California and Colorado.  And not just for lawbreaking defense, but for advice on workers’ compensation, tax withholding and occupational safety.  Sound like a real business yet?  [The New York Times]

• Supreme Court justices wouldn’t be such damn celebrities if “unnecessary and unhealthy flamboyance” was eliminated by keeping their opinions anonymous.  Or perhaps they could all find great anonymity by painting their faces like Kiss[ABA Journal]

• It’s crazy how easily one can accidentally type SEX when trying to type SEC.  More on the porn bust—and about how one “senior attorney at the SEC’s Washington headquarters spent up to eight hours a day looking at and downloading pornography.” [WSJ Law Blog]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom saying not to eulogize Bret Michaels yet:

• Keep your dumps like a truck, truck, truck under wraps this bikini season.  “The North Carolina town called ‘Mayberry with a beach’ by its mayor has banned swimmers from wearing revealing swimwear, thus making the donning of thongs illegal.” There goes their postcard industry!  Sunshine and happiness, however, are still legal.  (Somewhere in One-Hit-Wonderville, Sisqo is weeping.) [CBS News]

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