Bitter News, 4-8-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that use police cruisers like malt-liquor limos:

• “What’s funnier than Sacha Baron Cohen poking fun at the U.S. Constitution by comparing it to the way his ex-girlfriend was always ‘trying to amend herself’ with tattoos?” A couple things.  But that’s not the point.  Anyway, said ex-girlfriend (whom he met in 1987 during a British Jewish youth group trip to Israel, btw) sued the Ali G comedian and his television distributor claiming defamation and infliction of emotional distress.  The real joke is that a band of merry Indian lawyers figured out a way to solve the problem for him Tuesday at the California Court of Appeals—and it’s being hailed as the first appellate ruling of its kind.  “What won’t be funny is the look on the faces of American lawyers as studios decide to give more legal work to lawyers from India.” [THR, Esq.]

• We’re on a Sacha Baron Cohen roll today!  There’s a job alert that a Kazakhstan Law School is looking for its first dean.  Perfect for a lawyer who understands Kazakhstan’s three main issues: “economic, social, and Jew.” [Lowering the Bar]

• The greatest impact Rutgers 3L Brian Govern may have on the world is the viral Amazon review he randomly wrote about how a wolf T-shirt changed his life.  His analysis of the T-shirt’s pros (“Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women”) and cons (“Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark,”) has helped the manufacturer sell around 100 wolf shirts every hour.  And hasn’t seemed to put a dime in Govern’s pocket.  [ABA Journal]

• Sometimes it’s what holding you up and in underneath that counts.  A ball-busting female lawyer is nothing without some Spanx and a supportive bra.  Amen.  [Corporette]

• In a move that legal blogs are celebrating (but may result in career suicide), Richard Valuntas is putting the bolts to Becker & Poliakoff .  “On April 13th, a small claims court in Florida will deal with a case where an associate is suing his former law firm over allegedly deferred compensation.” Sort of like our poll question today (below), is all this really worth the $2,000 at stake?  [Above the Law]

• Woody Densen, a former Texas district judge, pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor criminal mischief charge for keying his neighbor’s Range Rover, which was caught on surveillance video.  [Houston Chronicle]

• Tips for getting into a top law school that are good for a laugh.  [Los Angeles News Today]

• The “horrendous process” Stanford undgrads go through when applying to law schools—which is still a hell of a lot less rigorous than applying to med schools.  [The Stanford Daily]

• There’s a difference between a haircut and a buzz cut.  A Q&A with Latham Chairman Bob Dell mentions that Dell believes the number of Latham layoffs last year to be “judicious.” But it didn’t really seem that way at the time.  More about “the firm’s herky jerky trajectory.” [WSJ Law Blog]

• The 32-year career of Aban Cooper, a 73-year-old “sex addict” paralegal, is being cut short by a judge who said Cooper ignored repeated warnings not to open, send or print sexually explicit e-mails and material, so he has to go.  I feel foreshadowing for Matthew Richardson here.  [New York Post]

• Random theme of the day: Farts.  Big-time hedge-fund manager Eric Rosenfeld, president and chief executive officer of Crescendo Partners, is doing readings of his newly released children’s book about Mrs. Buttkiss, a woman who has been holding in a fart . . . forever—and finally lets it rip.  Then we stumbled on a story of an Oklahoma man who enjoys “the sound and smell of farts” who is claiming he was sexually assaulted by a like-minded man he met online.  And that’s a lot of cheese cutting for one day.  [The Smoking Gun]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that use police cruisers like malt-liquor limos:

• “What’s funnier than Sacha Baron Cohen poking fun at the U.S. Constitution by comparing it to the way his ex-girlfriend was always ‘trying to amend herself’ with tattoos?” A couple things.  But that’s not the point.  Anyway, said ex-girlfriend (whom he met in 1987 during a British Jewish youth group trip to Israel, btw) sued the Ali G comedian and his television distributor claiming defamation and infliction of emotional distress.  The real joke is that a band of merry Indian lawyers figured out a way to solve the problem for him Tuesday at the California Court of Appeals—and it’s being hailed as the first appellate ruling of its kind.  “What won’t be funny is the look on the faces of American lawyers as studios decide to give more legal work to lawyers from India.” [THR, Esq.]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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