Bitter News, 5-13-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are all you have left post Craiglist “Erotic Services” lockdown:

• California love. Golden State Supreme Court Justice Carlos Moreno is on the list for Obama’s SCOTUS pick, but that fatty, diabetic Judge Sonia Sotomayor is right there with him. And even though most people could give a rat’s ass over the diversity spectrum serving on the Supreme Court (a Hispanic! a woman! a lesbian!), it’s look like causation skin and a penis will definitely not be an acceptable combination this time around. [Associated Press]

• Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.  Turns out 36 other Dechert partners didn’t want benevolent CEO Barton Winokur to be able to suck up all the love for having the firm’s best interests at heart and voluntarily cutting back his take-home pay by $1 million.  It takes a village of pay cuts to raise a firm.  [The American Lawyer]

• This is hopefully the only time you’ll see UC Irvine School of Law outranked by College of the Ozarks.  But “tuition free” does straddle a sizable expanse.  [Mental Floss vis WSJ]

• “‘I had to ask myself whether, if I died tomorrow, would I want this to be my legacy, working in a corporate firm, working for big companies,’ the first lady told employees of the federal agency tasked with managing public service programs. ‘And when I asked myself the question, the resounding answer was, absolutely not.’” Michelle Obama.  Makin’ you think, yo.  [AP via Kansas City Star]

• Maybe Michelle Obama left her corporate firm because she couldn’t bare arms. However, any no-bare-arm rule really only exists for people who don’t have the big guns to back it up anyway.  And to think it is all about an incoming summer associate trying to flex her right to not have to wear a ¾-sleeve cardigan.  [Corporette]

• If your jobless ass can’t manage to pay back your $140K in law school loans, don’t go blaming the system.  Like I would.  [USA Today]

• Plenty of mini-Madoffs have unfortunately been uncovered since the Bernster set the bar for total Ponzi, but plenty of Mini-Dreier versions also prowl for fraud. Secretary Mary Marra is accused of stealing more than $550,000 from her former employer, Downers Grove legal firm.  [WBBM]

• Looking for BitTorrent revenge, the founders of the free content-sharing site Pirate Bay, who were sentenced to prison and fined for their copyright disregard, have devised a plan to force the law firm that brought the charges against them to go belly up.  Completely opposite of the foolproof Office Space scheme of skimming “fractions of a penny” from the company, Pirate Bay wants supporters to flood the firm, Danowsky & Partners, with a deluge of electronic payments of a few pennies, which will bankrupt the firm in bank-processing fees.  Like I said: foolproof!  [Guardian.co.uk]

PETER: Yeah. I, I, I…Listen, that virus you’re always talking about. The one that, that could rip off the company for a bunch of money…

MICHAEL: Yeah? What about it?

PETER: Well, how does it work?

MICHAEL: It’s pretty brilliant. What it does is where there’s a bank transaction, and the interests are computed in the thousands a day in fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off. What this does is it takes those remainders and puts it into your account.

PETER: This sounds familiar.

MICHAEL: Yeah. They did this in
Superman III

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1 Comment

  1. Midwest lawyer

    May 13, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    AWESOME

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