Bitter News, 5-15-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom, carbon dated like a busty woman in a German cave:

• A real-life company picnic version of the season finale of The Office would result in a litigation value of “$50,000 (per Buffalo branch employee); $200,000 for various hostile work environment claims”—assuming Phyllis and Pam weren’t actually injured. Thank God they’ll have the summer to pay that off before Michael Scott gets started again in the fall.  [That’s What She Said]

• One of Skadden’s highest-paid lawyers (and 20-year verteran) and another hot shot got poached by Kirkland & Ellis, the firm’s first practice group jump to a competitor eva!  Are the one-stop shops going to lose to the laser-focused, smaller white shoes?  Or are these guys just looking to be big tunas in the M&A koi pond?  [The New York Times]

• Can I get a lawyer down to the Arctic ice shelf STAT to prevent us from having a really cold war?  Please and thanks.  [Times Online]

• SCOTUS nominee short-lister Judge Sonia Sotomayor hit it out the park in 1995 when she ended the baseball strike and “joined forever the ranks of Joe DiMaggio, Willie Mays, Jackie Robinson and Ted Williams.” No word on a pending trading card.  [The New York Times]

• “Going solo means never having to say you were fired” and other bold-faced affirmations for people who can’t pass the bar or hold down a firm job.  “Call me irrationally optimistic, but I don’t think unemployment or multiple bar failures or negative feedback from past employwers [sic] or other career-related adversities have to have a lasting effect if we don’t allow them to.  Solo practice provides a second chance for us to recreate ourselves; it gives us a fresh start – that is, if we let it.” And you can file that under “Irrationally optimistic.” [MyShingle.com]

• Life is all about openness and communication.  So it’s great to see all the networking this week as it seems everyone is sitting down and having a little chat with authorities.  Mayor Bloomberg sat depo-style with the fed and shot the shit about a discrimination suit against his tiny little start-up financial services company he has on the side.  Whimsical former White House aide Karl Rove caught up with prosecutors over the dismissal of U.S. attorneys back in the Bush days.  And two SEC lawyers hashed it out with the FBI about some interesting buy-low/sell-high stock picks.  [Cityroom @ NYT | Associated Press | Bloomberg]

• A canon of judicial ethics: If you’re a state Supreme Court justice, don’t go on prison tours.  It just sounds shady.  Be more like Breyer and champion the arts or something instead..  [SeattlePI.com]

• A focused look at the impact that a JD/MBA can have on your short-term goals.  Law firms (and you girlfriend) might call it an inability-to-commitment red flag.  Also, “poorer” comers to mind.  [Veritas Prep Blog]

• Landing a great law school commencement speaker is a big deal.  People want to listen to “a name” deliver the standard “forge ahead and serve the world” address.  But the University of Louisville law school listened as Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell delivered, what some considered, an offensive, self-serving graduation speech.  At least they didn’t have to resort their understudy.  However, Obama’s backup would probably disagree.  [The Courier-Journal]

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