Bitter News, 5-3-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will break your heart like your first wife:

• OMFG!  Even lawyers heart pop culture:

—Snakes on a plane: Lawyer/lawyer couple spots Justin Bieber, misses Justice Stevens.  [ABA Journal]

—Lawyer Howard Ignal is pissed the Time Square bomb blew up his Broadway plans.  [NY Daily News]

• Peter Lopez, the lawyer who was #8 on our list of Michael Jackson’s top 10 legal representatives (and “Daisy Duke’s” former husband), committed suicide.  And left a mysterious note behind.  [Radar Online]

• iPad helped a lawyer win a case.  “[G]iven the jury’s verdict, it’s clear that the iPad offered a peek into a delightful future.” iBetItDid.  [CNET]

• “CEO, Esq.” Lawyers are burning up the ranks of major corporations.  Nine Fortune 50 companies have CEOs who are lawyers, including…(wait for it)…Goldman Sachs.  [ABA Journal]

• Lawyers make judges’ jobs impossible.  Maybe that’s why Hillary Clinton doesn’t want to be a Supreme Court Justice.  She wouldn’t be regionally diverse enough anyway.  But she should always wear teal on TV.  Truth!  [Mediaite]

• BigLaw is built on the back of egregious age discrimination.  Wah!  [Crime & Federalism]

• Speaking of “Wah!”… Newsflash: Law school is expensive.  “The ABA requires you to park your ass in front of an over-paid douche bag for 56,000 minutes to get your paper.  That is, roughly 933 hours.  So, if your school costs you $30,000 in tuition per year, which is pretty low, it comes out to about $96 per hour to get educated.” Don’t like those apples?  Don’t go.  Not the case for prospective law student Sarah Allen.  She wants the degree but none of the bills.  After all, she’s different.  She believes in a debt-free life.  And she feels so deserving that she’s petitioning anyone and everyone to give her a hand out to make her cost-free law school dreams a reality.  Don’t worry, she takes PayPal.  Oh, and btw, she’s a homeowner.  Get real.  Plenty of dry eyes in this house.  [The Modesto Bee]

• Disasters in nature causing legal disasters:

—Lawyers wear a lot of gray.  Ash is gray.  Cue the Eyjafjallajökull lawsuit fun!  [WSJ Law Blog]

—Oil-slick lawyers are flocking to the Gulf to kick off oil-spill lawsuits.  [DFW Injury Lawyer Blog]

• The Law Society has 99 frequently asked questions, but these bitches ain’t one.  [The Other Half]

• Hogan & Hartson: Soon to be one big-ass firm.  [Washington Post]

• From homeless to Harpo: Nikki Johnson-Huston is an inspirational, successful lawyer who spent most of her childhood living in shelters and on the streets.  Her next stop?  The New York Times bestseller list and a spot on the couch next to Oprah.  [Huffington Post]

• In sports and law, a good defense matters.  Here are matters of sports and law:

—Tiger Woods is channeling Greg Norman…by using his divorce attorney.  [Herald Sun]

—Who dat?  Saints got sued by their former security head for stealing/abusing Vicodin.  [USA Today]

Check out more news from previous days.

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will break your heart like your first wife:

• OMFG!  Even lawyers heart pop culture:

—Snakes on a plane: Lawyer/lawyer couple spots Justin Bieber, misses Justice Stevens.  [ABA Journal]

—Lawyer Howard Ignal is pissed the Time Square bomb blew up his Broadway plans.  [NY Daily News]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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