Bitter News, 5-6-10

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom perfect like a burger-scented White Castle candle for Mothers Day:

• Cost for being the lawyer who simulated masturbation with his hand in front of a judge in court?  A 90-day sentence for contempt…and then, three years probation of law license.  Texas attorney Adam Reposa lives to see another day where his “Bulletproof” nickname gets thrown back in his face.  When told of the suspension, it’s suspected that all he could think is, “Fap, fap, fap…” [Statesman]

Past footage to remind you of Reposa’s case.  News continued below video.

• Other crazy stuff in the courtroom that will land you a contempt-of-court charge: A 19-year-old girl who wore a “I Have The Pussy, So I Make The Rules” t-shirt in front of a judge was jailed.  She joins a long line of arrestees with priceless—some may say ironic—t-shirt choices.  [The Smoking Gun]

• Belt tightening, boot strapping and other leather-binding metaphors best tell the story of how layoffs saved BigLaw.  But now, “aggressive lateral hiring” is going to be the superhero that flies large firms into the future of profitability and beyond.  [ABA Journal]

• Doesn’t it suck that law school graduation can only be, like, celebrated for a day because after that you have to study for “the equivalent of taking 23 final exams in two days” AKA the bar exam?  Certification exams make life suck.  So much for the Bahamas.  Boo!  Then, once you pass, you still can’t celebrate for more than a minute because you then have to get sworn in only to become just a number in a sea of existing attorneys.  I want a refund!  (Drip, drip, drip..that’s sarcasm, folks.) [Chicago Tribune]

• Kinda sounds like the newly installed lawyers in the story above are “all schooled up with no place to go.” Want more proof that certification exams suck?  “You’re quickly reminded that an unemployed law grad looks a lot like an unemployed college grad.” Ouch.  [WSJ Law Blog]

• You want those magic words?  Fine.  We’ll give them to you.  “WEB EXCLUSIVE!” Jason Flores-Williams (activist, lawyer, and author of the slightly bizarre The Last Stand of Mr America) released chapter 1 of his new book Character and Fitness.  It’s “a semi-autobiographical novel about an unemployed social justice lawyer and his nurse girlfriend living in a shitty apartment complex behind a strip mall in the suburbs of Philadelphia.” [The Brooklyn Rail]

• Views on capital punishment and the secret behind his bow ties—Justice John Paul Stevens practically has a Barbara Walters moment at a conference in Ohio.  [USA Today]

• In we-find-ourselves-to-be-not-guilty news: “Laptop Scandal School’s Own Law Firm: Aside From Those 58,000 Spy Photos, There’s No Evidence Of Spying.” [Tech Dirt]

• Besides the fact that the state of New York was all bitter about it (a familiar emotion), “New York’s highest court ruled on Thursday that a broad class-action suit challenging the state’s system of providing public defenders can move forward because there are enough signs that the system is failing poor people, setting the stage for a sweeping battle in the courts and perhaps the Legislature.” [The New York Times]

• It’s official: Chaz Bono is legally a man.  (He’s also officially out of shape—looking like John Goodman in a “da Bears” SNL sketch.) Fortunately, he’s not married and living in Texas.  [ABA Journal]

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom perfect like a burger-scented White Castle candle for Mothers Day:

• Cost for being the lawyer who simulated masturbation with his hand in front of a judge in court?  A 90-day sentence for contempt…and then, three years probation of law license.  Texas attorney Adam Reposa lives to see another day where his “Bulletproof” nickname gets thrown back in his face.  When told of the suspension, it’s suspected that all he could think is, “Fap, fap, fap…” [Statesman]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

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