Bitter News, 6-12-09

Heated headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as debatable as gas or charcoal:

• Face stealing and trafficking; An international trade.  A St. Louis family has been unknowingly hawking Czech groceries via Christmas card photo until their world-traveler friend saw it hanging in the store.  (And why wouldn’t they be?  Look at them.  They make an offer for CHLEBA and MLÉKO that not even the stodgiest Praguian could refuse.) But they simply brush it off.  Hell, they’re from the Midwest—they’re probably downright flattered.  Meanwhile, a California face model goes all “Woody Allen” on Taster’s Choice for using his old, more youthful image on their labels without him knowing.  Now he sits and poses nervously hoping the state supreme court lets him keep his awarded $15 mill[Lowing the Bar]

• With all this self-involved talk about the U.S. Supreme Court lately, it’s important to remember that other countries’ highest courts also face momentous issues that require the utmost fair, trained and deeply-considered legal interpretations.  Take Malawi, for example.  They’ve made up their mind, and Madonna’s gonna be keepin’ their baby[ArtsBeat @ The New York Times]

• In the day, people called Cravath a sweatshop.  In 2009, incoming associates can call it the “take it easy” firm.  The firm is offering them $80K, plus health care, plus $1K/month for loan assistance in exchange for deferring their start date a year.  Oh, and their job is guaranteed.  It’s the whole package minus the Jelly of the Month Club.  So, with it all factored in, if you assume health care is an $8K annual expense (obvs), that’s a $100,000 package and piece of mind to take a post-graduate year and just soak up the recession in style.  Cheers.  Unless you have to pay for parking.  Gripes.  [Bloomberg | ATL]

• Rape.  It’s not funny.  It creates a double-standard media.  And it’s sometimes not that well punished.  A judge who approved a sentence of “one year in prison, with 19 years suspended, for rape and forcible sodomy of a 4-year-old girl” is getting less ink than David Letterman.  For comparison sake, Charles Lynch got it worse—by a day. “The owner of a Morro Bay pot dispensary who emerged as a key figure in the national debate over medical marijuana was sentenced to one year and one day in prison today by a federal judge in Los Angeles.” T.G.I.WarOnMarijuana[PoliceLink]

• Some kids wanted to turn the Saw horror movie franchise into a documentary.  They had three drains on society who required life-threatening ordeals to show them the error of their ways potential victims targeted and planned to sew their mouths shut.  A judge dismissed the “plotting to kidnap, torture and kill” case.  And that’s life in the suburbs. [The Salt Lake Tribune]

• So, a judge and an IRS agent are in the news a lot. “The judge was convicted of obstructing a judicial panel’s investigation of charges he sexually assaulted two female employees. The IRS employee used the freight elevator as a urinal and has not yet been sentenced.” I’ve been on several freight elevators in my manual labor days. (A man’s gotta eat.) And that is indeed what they’re used for.  I don’t get the comparison.  [The Huffington Post]

• “When Asian massage parlors are raided in the District, lawyer Wendell C. Robinson often gets a call.” All money always ends up back in lawyers’ pockets.  It’s a circle of life thing.  See, Matthew Richardson pays the “massage therapists” in cash and degradation, then later the “massage therapists” pay Wendell C. Robinson, and everybody’s happy.  [The Washington Examiner]

• Get out your chocolate fountains and let the good times roll. Martha Minow is in the Havard Law School hizouse.  She’s getting Dean-ed!  Because she’s so 3008[The Harvard University Gazette]

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