Bitter News, 6-15-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as constitutionally formative as the 794-year-young Magna Carta:

• Dallas lawyer Burt Martin was so inspired after watching competitive hot dog-eating contests that he voluntarily left behind his pesky law firm career to follow his dream…of selling hot dogs out of a tent.  Yep, that’s right—sellin’ schnitzel.  Wurst, wieners, “Der”licious tube-meat, phallic euphemism after phallic euphemism, you get the picture. Have you ever heard of or ‘sausage’ a thing? According to Martin, Texas Style Hot Dogs sell themselves.  And he’s probably the “happiest of the ‘happy hot dogs’” since Harvard Law’s Professor Frankfurter back in 1937.  Watch the video at the link for all the local-reporting, all-beef goodness.  [CBS 7 KOSA]

• Jones Day’s Corinne “On The” Ball has won her spot in history with the quickest bankruptcy restructuring of it’s size on record.  She and her team took Chrysler from near liquid and churned it into Fiat Italian ice on a schedule of the strictest deadlines.  [The New York Times]

• What was a worse gamble: Your busted online poker account or your JD? [Las Vegas Sun]

• Convincing a jury of insanity can drive you insane—and it’s just a last-ditch effort anyway.  The “Clark Rockefeller” jury couldn’t have been more bored with it.  [The Boston Globe]

• Donald Remy withdrew his name as Obama’s nominee for Army General Counsel late on Friday after a stir-up for not disclosing that he worked for mortgage giant Fannie May.  It’ll have to be an Army of (Some)One else.  [ABC News]

• So far, 3,944 U.S. lawyers have been “let go” in 2009, and it seems to be trickling off—notwithstanding the future of new recruits.  But in the U.K., the fun has just begun. As many as 10,000 of the 83,000 privately employed solicitors are at risk of getting a termination voicemail and being told that they’re out of the game. [Times Online]

• Justice Anthony Kennedy addressed the zany Wacky Walk kids at Stanford with a commencement speech that really sounded like, “Don’t make this crap all my or Barack’s problem.” He reminded grads it wouldn’t hurt for them to step it up a little bit and help out.  [San Jose Mercury News]

• You hear that, suckas?  We’re a “website.” Savor it.  [PhilaLawyer]

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2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    June 16, 2009 at 7:20 am

    Re: the future of new recruits.

    .

    Of course they will turn into withdrawals!  Would you pay $1,000/hour to a law firm that you knew was paying 26-year-olds $80,000/year to go out drinking for a year?  Eventually the CFO is going to suggest looking for a firm that invests in productivity rather than irrationally pissing money away on untested talent.  Even lawyers can understand the impact of this when the suburban TTT starts taking your business

  2. Anonymous

    June 16, 2009 at 7:55 am

    God, good point….there really isn’t much talk of what clients think of all this biz of paying people not to work.

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