Bitter News, 6-17-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are drunk on gin, but we blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol:

• “Stephen L. McPherson, the former Regent University law school assistant dean convicted of sex acts with underage girls, has been ordered to serve 16 years in prison.” 80 years, with 64 suspended, if you want to get technical. McPherson was convicted of forcible sodomy and object sexual penetration.  And, oddly, that headline hasn’t made the current Dean’s blog[PilotOnline.com]

• Not to harp on sodomy, but sometimes it’s the tattoo artist who claims to have gotten screwed (by a baton) and sometimes it’s the tattoo artist’s customer. Kimberley Vlaminck, who may be the most-exhausted teen in all of Europe, is suing her inker for taking her request for three small star tattoos by her eye and turning it into a 56-star forehead, face, nose and chin galaxy vista that he needled in after she allegedly dozed off in the chair.  And slept.  Through 53 additional tattoos.  She must have been bushed. [The Sun]

• There are some seriously dangerous substances imported from Nicaragua, and bananas may be one of them?  Lawyer Juan Dominguez is accused of bringing fraudulent claims against fruit sensation Dole, claiming that plantation workers were all poisoned by pesticides.  Dole says its goods are nutritious and delicious, but an infertile documentary doesn’t really help their case.  [San Francisco Chronicle]

• ‘Rupt-ing the bank is a golden parachute for lawyers: Weil, Gotshal & Manges LLP has doubled up on big paydays with earning $54 million pre-GM filing and $45.6 million from Lehman Brothers.  Which doesn’t make Alvarez & Marsal LLC too jealous.  They billed Lehman for $77.3 million for their own legal magic. [Blogging Stocks]

• Advice to BigLaw rejects on behalf of BigLaw experts who, in an era of excessive workforce supply and insurmountable student debt, have no real expert advice to offer: Stay positive.  The same advice you’d give to someone diagnosed with a terminal illness.  [ABA Journal]

• What the Judges Are Up to Lately:

—Judge Redfield T. Baum puts plans to move Phoenix’s NFL team to Canada on ice.  [ESPN]

—Judge John Thornton released a kid accused of killing 19 cats—which is like 171 lives.  [Legalizer]

—Justice Thomas J. McNamara ruled to keep New York a red state…for now.  [NYT]

—Judge Alfred Nance said he doesn’t love you, man—life’s no beach for shouters. [ABA]

—Judge Christopher Edwards had his ban lifted where kids couldn’t meet their dad’s boyfriend. [AJC]

—Judge Lewis Kaplan allowed military lawyers to rep a Gitmo terror detainee—with more to come. [AP]

• From terrorism to terroir.  Interview with lawyer/wine merchant.  [Reign of Terroir]

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