Bitter News, 6-2-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will make your wheels come off—all 4—simultaneously:

• Get a load of this twit: Convicted murder (and former mock castle dweller) Phil Spector is using his Twitter feed to post angry messages about the prison guards who confiscated his wig.  Because he’s been allowed to keep his iPod and laptop.  15 years to life, with 140 characters to burn as he pleases.  [Telegraph]

• Speaking of Twitter, technology is killing the criminal justice system.  Not only is it corrupting juries, but it’s also turning those who rule on creepy stalkers into creepy stalkers.  Online social networking drew Judge B. Carlton Terry Jr. in enough to become Facebook friends with lawyer Charles A. Schieck, the defense in a trial he was presiding over.  Not only did they considerably discuss the case via FB, but Terry also quoted the plaintiff’s poetry in court that he found when he Googled him.  That’s super awkward, Terry.  [WXII12.com]

• Holy Oldsmobile! General Motors is $172.8 BBBBBillion in debt.  And restructuring all that isn’t cut out for monogamous legal practice.  All the biggies are fighting to get a piece of the bankruptcy gang bang action.  [The Am Law Daily]

• Mayer Brown is giving some associates $100,000 pay cuts to go work in-house for one of the firm’s major client as opposed to laying them off.  For $60K they can spend a year earning their wings for United or cutting the cheese at Kraft.  [Chicago Tribune]

• Calling Chicago lawyer Larry Wood to the Bitter Lawyer “Caption This!” page.  If he can crawl to the top of the heap in that amateur New Yorker contest three times, then I gotta believe he has a decent shot at coming close to winning our weekly crown.  [Chicago Tribune]

• Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s madam, Temeka Lewis, was sentenced on Monday to no jail time.  The UVA graduate’s cooperation helped confirm Spitzer was a hooker-loving dude who spent nearly $80,000 on Lewis’ ladies—but he didn’t use campaign or public money to do it.  He used his wife’s.  [Herald Online]

• It’s time to get back to the basics.  Lawyers being lawyers.  And Michael E. Getnick, the new president of the New York State Bar Association is going to do it.  [Law.com]

• Harvard has a version of Sotomayor too, but she’s not hustling Washington today.  [Los Angeles Times]

• What the Judges Are Up to Lately:

—Judge Samuel Kent finally resigned since he was facing impeachment for sex abuse anyway.  [Fox]

—Judge Robert Gerber wants to burn the midnight oil in the GM bankruptcy. [New York Times]

—Justice Roy Moore wants to hang the 10 Commandments in the governor’s office. [RCP]

—Judge Charles Clevert allowed public school kids the creator comforts of church. [AP]

—Judge Thomas Griesa tries to keep NY water wet and cheap.  [Forbes]

—Judge Stephen White is the third man for the job in the Drew Petterson case. [AP]

—Judge George P. Kazen just can’t let it go.  [Texas Lawyer]

—Judge Arthur Gonzalez let limp noodle Chrysler get an Italian carbo load.  [Washington Post]

• In case you needed a reminder that lawyers are anti-technophiles and tragically un-hip, there’s video.  Florida law firm Levin Tannenbaum decided to make a promotional reel.  (Great!) Then they made the below.  (Wowzers.) From Allen Tannenbaum trying to shake hands with the his new client, a slightly out-of-focus camera, to Jerry Levin’s important hands-free call, to firm technology so advanced that it looks like just about everyone has a PC, to poor schlub Philip Beach’s unconvincing remarks that a experience-less lawyer might be just what your case demands, to the paralegal babbling about paralegal things—it is, in a word, amazing.  What do you want form a lawyer?  Well, someone who works around a lot of interior window shutters and takes more than 15 second to utter a single sentence (2:15 mark), of course.  “This video reminds me of the opening of hit comedy The Office — without the humor.” Indeed.  [The TechnoLawyer]

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