Bitter News, 8-21-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that legally pitch fastballs furiously at batter’s heads:

• Ahhh, here’s a new, literal meaning for TTT (third-tier toilet).  And thank you, local news affiliates and fourth-tier law schools, for giving it to us.  “Law school students scrubbing toilets to gain perspective.” Yes, 1Ls at Ave Maria University Law School were sent out on a public service cleaning spree to grasp some perspective on how helping people on the smallest level prepares you to help future clients on a grander, legal scale.  I think it teaches you that you’re f&cked for the next three years and you wasted some serious scratch. [NBC-2.com]

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• Guess who won’t be scrubbing sh!tters next Monday.  The pilot students of UC-Irvine’s new law school—and something tells me they’ll be better off without the “clean up the scum” allegory.  While nowhere near as old and storied as USC or Stanford, Irvine’s law program is certainly gaining some street cred as one of California’s finest law institutions.  Founding dean Erwin Chemerinsky hasn’t even opened the doors yet, but the Anteaters are already assumed to have top-20 status. [Los Angeles Times]

• Make your momma proud; Date a fellow lawyer.  Sick of trying to find a life companion who’s diverse, free-loving and more interesting?  Stick to your own kind.  LawDate is the newest internet match-making service for like-minded, debt-riddled, lovelorn lawyers.  LawDate will soon be joined by TheDrDate.com, CapitoHillDate.com, and EntertainmentIndustryDate.com, so hold on to your degrees, folks—personals are about to get professional.  So far, it looks like all the action is in Los Angeles.  (Image below.) [BlissTree.com]

• Yeah, yeah, yeah—there’s this whole thing with the Justice Department, the IRS and the lawyer and banker being charged for all the UBS Swiss bank accounts.  Oh, and all the ex-wives looking to grab that dough.  [The Washington Post]

Law Firm 10 had a few Jenga bones to pick with Allstate insurance a few weeks ago.  And now a variety of lawyers who filed a rapid succession of class action suits accusing Allstate of fraud under state and common law, plus breach of contract, will be splitting $9 million in fees.  That’s a lot of meatloaf. [Madison/St. Cloud Record]

• When the Lord closes a door for Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisbergerher, he opens a window for magician David Copperfield.  [The Seattle Times]

• $100-million settlement for female prisoners raped, groped and peeked at by male correction staff members?  Well, $71.3 million after lawyers rape and grope their $28.7 million in fees, of course.  [The New York Times]

• Pin the death on the guiltiest legal party.  “Judge Sharon Keller’s ethics trial ended Thursday with her lawyer saying Michael Wayne Richard (ruh-SHARD’) never had a last-minute appeal before his 2007 execution because the convicted killer’s legal team simply gave up.” [Associated Press]

• Is it too soon to break out the bubbly in celebration of BigLaw’s rebound?  Even though the index meter has ticked upward and one firm, Brown Rudnick, called off deferring starting associates, summer programs for next year are still getting slashed.  It’s turning into one, big bait-and-switch tactic.  Sad to say, it’s all evidence that cost-cutting measures, such as layoffs, are proving effective.  [The National Law Journal]

• “A top official at the NCAA said a court ruling Thursday that documents dealing with cheating at Florida State are public records sets a precedent that will ‘rip the heart out of the NCAA.’” They believe no one will confess about cheating in the system if they can’t be anonymous.  But the AP wants the records, which could blow several NCAA football records.  [Associated Press]

• Lawyers—the good, the bad and the ugly of their own actions:

—CA law firm intern jailed and must repay $15K stolen from co-workers. [MercuryNews.com]

—A disbarred lawyer charged with shoplifting, and a judge and lawyer “cross swords.” [Syracuse.com]

—No charges filed against a lawyer who drove his car into a pack of Girl Scouts. [MercuryNews.com]

—A DWI attorney was convicted of a driving while intoxicated on an expired license. [KRQE]

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