Bitter News, 8-3-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom dirtier than Rusty Kuntz, Dick Pole and Pete LaCock:

• Some judges refuse to let Michael Jackson rest in peace since his death on June 25th, but today a judge will determine a list of probate and guardianship issues longer than the King of Pop’s hit list—mainly who will reign over the estate, which has estimated values between $100 million and a couple billion. It’s being called the most important day since his death.  Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Mitchell Beckloff will decide if Jackson’s lifelong attorney John Branca and another designated in the singer’s mysterious 2002 will can continue administering the estate, or if Jacko’s mother, Katherine, will walk away with the whole kit and caboodle.  [Associated Press]

Update: Katherine keeps the kinder, Branca is still the estate’s man. [Rolling Stone]

• Tired of wild, sexual flings men that have more interesting lives, My Name is Earl actress Jaime Pressly decided to settle down and got engaged to a stable ol’ lawyer.  [American Superstar]

• Working hard to maintain the trusty image of personal injury attorneys everywhere, in addition to the Miami medical records breach that broke on Friday, there’s also David Resnick and Serge Binder who admitted they were in cahoots with a disgraced ambulance chaser who gave the two partners first dibs on cases and paid the them $8,600 a month “tax free” in exchange for using their law firm’s name to set up shop in Manhattan.  [New York Daily News]

• The American Bar Association annual meeting got all caliente this past weekend.  Now-retired SCOTUS Justice David Souter served as keynote speaker and told a room full of 1,000 lawyers that two-thirds of nation can’t name the three branches of government, which means he was mocking 666 of them.  Taunts like that are another good reason judges should consider a home security system.  [Chicago Sun-Times]

• How does a court fairly compensate a large number of people?  They don’t—they order that the lawyers get paid.  The rollers and the clunkers are having the opposite affect for buyers of Ford cars.  Buyers of new Fords have been racking up enough $4,500 subsidies for the domestic automaker to earn its first sales increase since 2007.  But as for the 1 million consumers named in the Ford Explorer rollover class action lawsuit, they only received a $500 discount coupon for a future Ford purchase—and the lawyers in the case were awarded $25 million in legal fees for the case.  [Associated Press]

• Ten things every law firm must have—other than a pad of pink slips.  [Article Snatch]

• A legal big brother/big sister program is being established in Utah.  Freshly minted attorneys are being paired with veteran mentors to teach them the fine craft of lawyering.  Let this video help inspire you to get some “breadth of perspective on the culture of your profession.” [The Salt Lake Tribune]

• I hate to extrapolate, but Morgan Lewis’ canceled 2010 summer program means the entire American economy will continue bombing like a office chair next year.  Til then, there will just have to continue to be rebuttals of rebuttals of rebuttals re: The end of BigLaw. [San Francisco Business Times]

• Please make sure that your kindergartner knows before leaving for school today that the Palin’s are not—repeat, not—getting a divorce.  You don’t need your ankle-bitter in a hot mess when the Palin attorney shows up at school to dispute it.  [Alaska Report]

• Despite his lawyer, Harvard Law professor Charles Nesson, giving them the ol’ razzle dazzle, BU student Joel Tenenbaum was found guilty of illegal music downloads to the tune of $675,000.  [Associated Press]

• What does it say about you if “Spend the night in jail” is on your bucket list?  [St. Louis Post Dispatch]

• Bush’s U.S. attorney Daniel Bogden—he’s baaaaaack.  Barack style.  [CNN]

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