Bitter News, 9-21-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that make the 11th biggest lie in history:

• Headline reads: “Gritty 80-yr-old is probably city’s oldest law student.” Probably?  The city’s?  Don’t want to step out on a limb and expand the geographic scope of that statement a smidgen?  You’re already using the word “probably.” For the love, he’s so old he couldn’t find grade records from his 1967 undergraduate degree. And what kind of backhanded adjective is “gritty” anyway?  How the hell does that word factor?  Regardless, here’s Uddhav Alkari, the 80-year-old Mumbai University law student.  [Mumbai Mirror]

• Don’t’ tell Courtoons’ David Mills this, but apparently it’s hard to be an aspiring U.S. Attorney candidate when you’ve published drawn caricatures of your state’s senate minority leader wearing a cheerleader uniform.  At least that’s what Louisville, KY lawyer Marc S. Murphy is realizing.  He’s been discussed to run for U.S. Attorney, but his series of editorial cartoons for the Louisville Courier-Journal are maybe standing in his way because political officials he’s featured in his work don’t find him hilarious. [Main Justice]

• “Gone are the days when landing at a big law firm meant a long legal career.” And none of the new business models (ie: virtual law firms and solo shingle hanging) are realistic options for the newly minted seeking experience.  That’s why panelists at the University of San Francisco Law School hashed out future ideas for young, wannabe-associates and offered such constructive feedback as, “You folks are going to have to figure out how to reengage yourselves.” Hmm, thx! [San Francisco Business Times]

Answer: This £90 ($150) lingerie-and-blouse stipend is provided to senior female attorneys at British law firms such as Clifford Chance.  Question: What is the “90 Nicker Knicker Allowance?” I’ll take BigLaw Unmentionables for $200, Alex.  [Schott Blog via NYT]

• The simmering dish of Am Law 100 firms boiling down into a “Global 10” is certainly not vegan when you mix the “ranks of the Magic Circle” with the “cream of the U.S.” Sounds like a legal economic crisis chowder.  [The Am Law Daily]

• A secretary, 43-year-old Mary Merten (who’s for sure a real world 6, law firm 9), has been charged in connection with the theft of more than $700,000 from corporate and personal accounts at the New York law firm where she worked.  But out to steal Mary’s thunder is George Michael Perez.  He admitted to the FBI that he defrauded the law firm where he was employed out of over $1 million.  In a related story: Matthew Richardson has requested Mary’s number[Newsday]

• You think being a laid-off or underpaid lawyer is harsh?  At least you’re not the focus of debates about your original birth gender.  Teenage South African runner Caster Semenya has a lot to run from in record time: Mainly anyone looking for a moose knuckle in her runners tights. She’s been ordered to undergo gender testing for purposes of competing, and Dewey & LeBoeuf’s sports law stud Jeffrey Kessler, who argued a legless man into the Beijing Olympics, is repping her pro bono.  Best line in the article: “As for the nuts and bolts of the case…” Well, we hold these nuts to not be self-evident.  [The Am Law Daily]

• An NYU law student can’t navigate something as simple as signing a lease—and here’s the long-winded story to prove it.  [The New York Times]

• The WSJ Law Blog brought up a good quote today from William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew: “And do as adversaries do in law, Strive mightily but eat and drink as friends.” Loosely translated, it means you shouldn’t try to hire a hitman for $10K to kill a rival attorney you’ve known since 1982.  Not cool, Irby Walker.  Not cool.  [TheSunNews.com]

• Ending your marriage in the divorce capital of London doesn’t always mean the man is going to get his bank accounts drained to support his ex.  Women are getting progressively walloped now too as the legal system becomes less biased about the belief that “vulnerable women needed protection from men.” Some say if you do want to avoid all the financial risk, just don’t get married in the first place.  “I would bet most family lawyers give that advice several times a year these days.” And I would bet they don’t.  [Times Online]

Read more from the Bitter Newsroom.

1 Comment

  1. BL1Y

    September 22, 2009 at 4:19 am

    The Caster Semenya case is at least a month old.  They’re already completed the gender test.  She’s a hermaphrodite.

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