This just in. Polls are showing Democrat Jed Bartlet with a commanding lead in the Bitter Lawyer Presidential Election. Mr. Bartlet, who served as President in the West Wing, has so far received 44.44% of the vote. His closest challengers, Thomas Whitmore (Independence Day) and James Marshall (Air Force One), are tied at 22.22%. However, analysts agree that Bartlet would lose in a fist fight with either Whitmore or Marshall.
Tied for last place are David Palmer (24) and Tom Beck (Deep Impact). Each have received a dismal 2.22%. Their poor showings suggest that America just isn’t ready for either a dead president or an African-American president. But despite Palmer’s assassination in 2006, Fox News has already predicted him as the winner.
Okay, Beck and Palmer aren’t technically last. Three reader write-ins have each received 2% of the vote: James Dale (Mars Attacks!), Mays Gilliam (Head of State), and Andrew Shepherd (American President). This Bitter Political Analyst, however, is extremely disappointed that there have been no write-ins for women. But there is still time.
Bitter News. Providing the best misleading political analysis you can get.