Caption This! April 18-24

What in the Bitter Lawyer is going on in this picture?

Put your lawyerly wit to the test and post a comment with a hilarious caption about this judge’s discovery.  And keep it clean.  (Ish.) The editors’ favorite entry will be announced next Saturday, April 25th.

Editors’ Pick (April 11-17):

Snowman: “Mock Trial practice at Cooley.”

(First Runner-Up) Anonymous: “These comments bite the big one. I suggest that there be no ‘winner’ for these comments.” (And Anonymous is right, they all pretty well bit.)

Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.


  1. Alma Federer

    April 18, 2009 at 5:18 am

    I’ve GOT to get this zipper on this robe fixed!  My fellow learned jurists don’t appreciate sitting next to me when I smell like a public urinal.

  2. ajc

    April 18, 2009 at 7:11 am

    Hiding a hooker to blow me while I argued was the best idea ever!

  3. Jonnie

    April 18, 2009 at 8:21 am


  4. Finch

    April 18, 2009 at 11:47 am

    Looks like I owe Scalia twenty bucks. Turns out she couldn’t do it without leaving a stain.

  5. Snowman

    April 18, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    Hazing the new justice begins win the old Viagra in the water trick…

  6. Butch Roberts

    April 19, 2009 at 5:43 am

    “I’ll show them long arm jurisdiction!”

  7. Butch Roberts

    April 19, 2009 at 5:44 am

    “I am a superstar.”

  8. Magic Circle Jerk

    April 19, 2009 at 11:24 am

    amazing how these robes tent up!

  9. Snowman

    April 19, 2009 at 11:45 am

    Hazing the new justice begins with the old Viagra in the water trick…

    (Typo in the other one – “with” not “win”)

  10. Craig

    April 20, 2009 at 7:34 am

    Bitter Lawyer can “suck it” if they didn’t like my caption entry last week!!!

  11. Anonymous

    April 20, 2009 at 8:31 am

    Oy!  How am I going to explain to the Chief Judge another one of these “strategically placed” stains?

  12. Anonymous

    April 20, 2009 at 9:15 am

    Get a life, Craig!

  13. Tripp

    April 20, 2009 at 9:46 am

    Oral arguments at the Supreme Court take a brief break while the respondent attorney demonstrates the proper technique for the Western Grip Hand Job.

  14. Craig

    April 20, 2009 at 10:16 am

    Anon, sorry if I was not clear, but my caption was what the guy in the picture is thinking. I could care less if Bitter Lawyer thinks my captions are funny. Get a sense of humor buddy.

  15. Anonymous

    April 20, 2009 at 10:19 am

    Ah, so THIS is what they mean when they refer to “SCOTUS SCROTUM!”

  16. Anonymous

    April 20, 2009 at 10:32 am

    I thought Craig’s was funny. Why would anyone take that personally?

  17. Andrew

    April 20, 2009 at 12:23 pm

    Counsel, your oral argument is very effective.

  18. Anonymous

    April 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Craig, we are going to send c_broski after you unless you lighten up!  You may not be a dickwad, but you sure are acting like one.

  19. LJ

    April 20, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    I am an attorney and I came across this website.  I was so shocked and disgusted to find what feels more like a frat house forum and chauvinistic display of immaturity than an actual venue for professionals to have meaningful discussions about the legal profession.  I am ashamed that you would even be colleagues of mine.  This website is an embarrassment.

  20. Barrister

    April 21, 2009 at 8:03 am

    Lighten up. Seriously, table the righteous indignation and join in the fun. Attorneys as a whole get a bad name from people like you. The stereotype of the humorless, emotionless, drone associate is perpetuated whenever a layperson interacts with an attorney such as yourself. Either post a funny comment or go back to document review. Dickhead.

  21. The Great Decider

    April 21, 2009 at 11:49 am

    To all who are offended by (sometimes very lame)attempts at humor: STOP WHINING! Your plattitudes are lame.

  22. Anonymous

    April 21, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    I read “LJ“‘s comment and am shocked and embarrassed.

    That said, a great caption for the picture might be “The justice astounds his bench brethren onlookers with a brazen display of how a law clerk should really satisfy a judge—beneath his robes!”


    Take THAT LJ!!

  23. Anonymous

    April 21, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    LJ–Lazy Jerk?  Loudmouth Jeebus?  Go easy, man, you need a serious BJ for the nerves.  Get a friggin’ life!  How long have been you out of TTT law school?

  24. Anonymous

    April 22, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    Wow! I had no idea that case was so stimulating!  Now I’m going to have to figure out how to get this stain out of this robe.

  25. Alexis

    April 23, 2009 at 6:37 am

    Hmm–I wonder if Junior Justice gets a vote?

  26. Anonymous

    April 24, 2009 at 8:57 am

    If only, US News had a rankings for this…

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