What in the Bitter Lawyer is going on in this picture?
Put your lawyerly wit to the test and post a comment with a hilarious caption about this loaded witness stand situation. And keep it clean. (Ish.) The editors’ favorite entry will be announced next Saturday, May 9th.
Editors’ Pick (April 25-May 1):
Butch Roberts: “And when you sign here, you will have title to the trailer, the 1974 AMC Gremlin, a slightly used penis pump, the Detroit Lions, and the URL bitterlawyer.com.”
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
“If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”
why didnt you try this….. it always works in cartoons
The rapist stuck thatt????….where???? And the D.A. is claiming it was consensual?????? Your honor, I rest my case.
Damn. You were right, mine is smaller…
an expert witness trying to explain the defense’s theory that yosemite sam was killed when the defendant put his finers in the end of the gun causing it to backfire. looks like old bugs is getting the chair folks.
And your testimony today is the senior partners determined that this Associate Elimination Device would realize significant cost savings for the firm by eliminating the need to provide COBRA and severance pay?
Q And once you brandished the weapon, did your husband begin to initiate foreplay?
A No.
Q And what happened next?
A He rolled over to his side of the bed, went to the study, and turned on Cinemax.
Q And what did you do next?
A I shot him.
Q And fore the sake of all of the men in this court room and on the jury, would you please tell us what is theory call, “foreplay”?
pull my finger.
Lady, are you saying that if I stick my finger in THIS hole, I could give YOU pleasure? This is news to me….Are you sure you have the right hole, lady?
Judge” “Duck Season!!”
DA: “WABBIT SEASON!!!”
And then the Litigator with a God Complex, in an effort to recreate the Sistine Chapel, said, “Let us find derivative liability in the defendant, after the closing of evidence.” And the Litigator looked at the baffled witness, and saw that it was good.
If I stick my finger in here, will you put your fingers in my pants?
Lady on stand (in church lady voice): “Oh … yes … right there … don’t stop.” – Suit: “Really, so this is working for you?”
Now, Mrs. Fudd, would you say the rabbit placed his finger like this prior to your husband’s “accident?”
Now that you have the rubber gloves on, please demonstrate for the court exactly where the victim told you to go shove this gun.
Go ahead, pull my finger.
You mean THIS is how John Travolta stopped the bullet?
Wait—don’t move it; I’m perfectly balanced….
I don’t need a glove, I’ll just pull out
But I can’t feel anything with a glove… Trust me, I’ll pull out
May it please the court, I object. This is PETRIFIED FECAL MATTER on the inside barrel of this gun, so why can’t I also wear a set of those rubber gloves?
Any hole looks good to a bitter lawyer
So when the defendant handled this there was a discharge?
Let’s play a little game. It’s called just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.