Caption This! May 2-8

What in the Bitter Lawyer is going on in this picture?

Put your lawyerly wit to the test and post a comment with a hilarious caption about this loaded witness stand situation.  And keep it clean.  (Ish.) The editors’ favorite entry will be announced next Saturday, May 9th.

Editors’ Pick (April 25-May 1):

Butch Roberts: “And when you sign here, you will have title to the trailer, the 1974 AMC Gremlin, a slightly used penis pump, the Detroit Lions, and the URL”

Bitter Staff is a collection of current and former editors, contributors, and various other lawyers who have written for Bitter Lawyer over the years. Posts include interviews, contests, and other general lawyerly and bitter content.


  1. Can I win a job through this site?

    May 2, 2009 at 8:00 am

    “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

  2. Ben

    May 2, 2009 at 8:44 am

    why didnt you try this….. it always works in cartoons

  3. Bill Dugan

    May 2, 2009 at 9:51 am

    The rapist stuck thatt????….where????  And the D.A. is claiming it was consensual??????  Your honor, I rest my case.

  4. Snowman

    May 2, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Damn.  You were right, mine is smaller…

  5. RSL

    May 2, 2009 at 11:06 am

    an expert witness trying to explain the defense’s theory that yosemite sam was killed when the defendant put his finers in the end of the gun causing it to backfire.  looks like old bugs is getting the chair folks.

  6. Butch Roberts

    May 3, 2009 at 5:15 am

    And your testimony today is the senior partners determined that this Associate Elimination Device would realize significant cost savings for the firm by eliminating the need to provide COBRA and severance pay?

  7. Butch Roberts

    May 3, 2009 at 5:29 am

    Q And once you brandished the weapon, did your husband begin to initiate foreplay?

    A No.

    Q And what happened next?

    A He rolled over to his side of the bed, went to the study, and turned on Cinemax.

    Q And what did you do next?

    A I shot him.

    Q And fore the sake of all of the men in this court room and on the jury, would you please tell us what is theory call, “foreplay”?

  8. m

    May 3, 2009 at 6:05 am

    pull my finger.

  9. Anonymous

    May 3, 2009 at 9:32 am

    Lady, are you saying that if I stick my finger in THIS hole, I could give YOU pleasure?  This is news to me….Are you sure you have the right hole, lady?

  10. Mr. Roger's Shoe

    May 3, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Judge” “Duck Season!!”


  11. Matt

    May 3, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    And then the Litigator with a God Complex, in an effort to recreate the Sistine Chapel, said, “Let us find derivative liability in the defendant, after the closing of evidence.” And the Litigator looked at the baffled witness, and saw that it was good.

  12. BL1Y

    May 5, 2009 at 2:39 am

    If I stick my finger in here, will you put your fingers in my pants?

  13. SD

    May 5, 2009 at 6:43 am

    Lady on stand (in church lady voice): “Oh … yes … right there … don’t stop.” – Suit: “Really, so this is working for you?”

  14. Tripp

    May 5, 2009 at 7:00 am

    Now, Mrs. Fudd, would you say the rabbit placed his finger like this prior to your husband’s “accident?”

  15. Magic Circle Jerk

    May 5, 2009 at 9:48 am

    Now that you have the rubber gloves on, please demonstrate for the court exactly where the victim told you to go shove this gun.

  16. Anonymous

    May 6, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    Go ahead, pull my finger.

  17. Anonymous

    May 6, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    You mean THIS is how John Travolta stopped the bullet?

  18. Anonymous

    May 6, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Wait—don’t move it; I’m perfectly balanced….

  19. Globster

    May 6, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    I don’t need a glove, I’ll just pull out

  20. Mohammed

    May 6, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    But I can’t feel anything with a glove… Trust me, I’ll pull out

  21. Joe Dick

    May 7, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    May it please the court, I object.  This is PETRIFIED FECAL MATTER on the inside barrel of this gun, so why can’t I also wear a set of those rubber gloves?

  22. Craig

    May 7, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    Any hole looks good to a bitter lawyer

  23. Ponce De Leon

    May 8, 2009 at 6:12 am

    So when the defendant handled this there was a discharge?

  24. BLS

    May 8, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Let’s play a little game.  It’s called just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.

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