CEASE AND DESIST DEMAND
RE: The wearing of sandals for men (hereafter, “mandals”)
DATE: May 1, 2012
This CEASE AND DESIST DEMAND is to inform you that your repeated wearing of mandals has become unbearable for myself, along with the women I represent. Such anti-social behavior is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form.
This letter constitutes a demand that your wearing of mandals must CEASE AND DESIST immediately. Should you continue to pursue these activities in violation of this CEASE AND DESIST DEMAND, we will not hesitate to pursue further action against you, including, but not limited to, refusing to: (i) speak to; (ii) be seen with; and/or (iii) have sexual relations of any kind whatsoever with any man wearing mandals.
The most recent incidents of such behavior occurred on Saturday, April 28, 2012 in bars, restaurants, and baseball stadiums across the United States, during which time hundreds—if not thousands—of men displayed their unkempt, gnarled, hairy, pale, and downright disgusting feet in mandals of varying shapes, sizes, and styles. The offenses ranged from mild (see, e.g., Rainbow leather flip flops) to flagrantly obscene (see, e.g., Rockport Coastal Creek Sport Thong).
My peers and I have a right to remain free from your harassing wearing of mandals, and we will take the responsibility upon ourselves to protect that right. As such, we demand that you immediately discontinue and do not at any point in the future, under any circumstances, wear mandals. Unless, of course, you are comfortable with unalterably chilling the sexual desires of women everywhere.
Please be further advised that your wearing of mandals may constitute a violation of various federal and state laws pertaining to harassment, nuisance, and obscene communications. This letter does not constitute an exhaustive statement of our position, nor is it a waiver of any of our rights and/or remedies in this and/or any other related matter.
We demand your immediate compliance, and furthermore that you confirm in writing that all violative activity will cease immediately.
Very truly yours,
Law Firm 10
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