Gym Clothing (Not) Optional


Our firm has a gym, and it’s the only thing I’ve loved about the place since my summer clerk days. It’s, by far, the best perk—and seems to be recession proof. It’s been my hour of escape from corporate insanity for years, but now it has been invaded, and it’s pissing me off.

It goes without saying that a law firm gym locker room is going to have it’s share of old dudes who like to let it all hang out. It seems that no matter what time I go to our gym, there’s always some partner sitting around in his birthday suit, even in the chairs around the TV when you first walk in.

That doesn’t bother me because I do my thing. I shower up, dry off, change and get the hell out of there because I don’t enjoy hanging out in a locker room. I don’t care what other guys do, but I don’t consider it a lounge. I think that fact reads pretty obvious when I’m in there, but I guess not.

I just started working with this partner on a major trial, and he seems to think the gym is an extension of his office. I see him in there all the time shooting the shit with other partners, but it’s never affected me before until last week.

There have now been four times that he’s waddled his butt-naked ass over to my locker and began talking shop! (And I do mean butt-naked. He’s not even wearing a towel.) He just stands right beside me while I’m trying to either get in or get out, and he goes right into talking to me like it is perfectly normal.  He’s not using the locker next to mine or getting dressed in the process—he’s just standing there facing me.  One time he even put his foot up on the bench and tried to stretch while yammering on about how we should have won this thing on summary judgment.

The last time it happened, I stared into my locker and suggested we continue the discussion (with our clothes on!) back in the office, and he actually physically patted my shoulder and said, “Sure.”

What the hell!?!  A close-talking partner is bad enough, but a naked one is total abuse.  I don’t want to see his old family jewels or nasty partner gut, and I sure as hell don’t want a naked man touching me!

The gym has become a miserable place. I go there to relieve stress, but the thought of this old man hanging in the breeze while he talks strategy to me is more anxiety than it’s worth.

Now I’ve got to change my schedule and the times I go, which sucks.  And this is going to be a long trial, so I’m stuck with either getting fat or getting up at 6:00 AM to avoid him.

Read more anonymous tales of Associate Abuse. Or consider contributing your own.

20 Comments

  1. louwiid

    June 19, 2009 at 2:53 am

    Man up.  Get up early and work out.  It’s better for you anyway.
    Better yet, go join a real gym.
    Off to Gold’s!

  2. Alma Federer

    June 19, 2009 at 3:41 am

    You men are always complaining about something.  Note I am NOT interested in seeing any of these old men with their family jewels hanging out, but men get to hob-nob with the partners in situaitons like this which we females simply can’t.  We would love to have a respectable opportunity to show that we are more than pretty faces.  That’s the problem.  Men think of us merely as vessels for delight, and not for our minds.  Fooey on you!

  3. bilotta

    June 19, 2009 at 3:50 am

    I think old partner has a crush….

  4. BL1Y

    June 19, 2009 at 6:08 am

    Alma: If you’re going to troll, make your character a little more believable.

  5. Troll Hunter

    June 19, 2009 at 7:03 am

    Funny. You don’t even sound like a woman, Alma.

  6. LMark

    June 19, 2009 at 8:15 am

    I’ve always wondered why many old men enjoy standing around naked in front of other guys, having casual conversations, etc.  Perhaps this isn’t all old men, but only the closeted ones, you know, the ones who would have come out as gay had it been more socially acceptable back in the ‘50s or ‘60s.  Nowadays, gay people will usually just come out, so the young men who enjoy being naked in front of other men just go pick up guys at the local gay bar.

  7. Anonymous

    June 19, 2009 at 9:04 am

    @LMark,
    I don’t think it’s a gay thing. Just a different generation.

  8. JR Ewing

    June 19, 2009 at 9:16 am

    The associate has inadequacy issues.  My guess is that the partner’s rope is about 50% larger than the author’s.

  9. BL1Y

    June 19, 2009 at 9:19 am

    LMark: Or they see men as so incredibly asexual that male nudity doesn’t even register as a concern.  Gotta like unfalsifiable psuedopsychology.

  10. youngassociate

    June 19, 2009 at 9:23 am

    You’re lucky a partner is talking to you.  Quit your bitching and stop being a .  I go to the gym all the time, this is a natural occurrence.  Men are allowed to talk shop in the locker room – it is a right of passage.

    You clearly never played a varsity sport in college.
    This guy is JV or chess club all the way

  11. Me

    June 19, 2009 at 10:21 am

    I agree with youngassociate.

    Big Deal.

    I don’t know why people are freaked out by naked people.

    I think you should stare at his balls while he’s talking to you.

    I walk around naked in the ladies locker room all the time.

  12. Nevermind

    June 19, 2009 at 10:22 am

    Being fat ain’t so bad.

  13. Anonymous

    June 19, 2009 at 10:30 am

    personal space, people. He just doesn’t want the partner naked and in his business. i don’t think that’s too much to ask. i think he said he didn’t care about the naked lounging, just the naked lounging at his locker. big difference. huge.

  14. lawgurl

    June 19, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    we all need our personal space! I feel for you it’s bad enough having to talk to a guy like this up close, but up close and naked. eeeks!

  15. Female

    June 19, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    It’s called POWER!

    Partner’s can walk around naked.

    Associates-not so much.

  16. Anonymous

    June 19, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    Boom-Boom-FIRE Power!

  17. BL1Y

    June 20, 2009 at 7:43 am

    You’re a lawyer, just get a membership at a gym.  Bingo-bango, problem solved.

  18. Alma Federer

    June 20, 2009 at 11:17 am

    I have all the male attention I need, thank you very much.  And I am considered very cute.

  19. Anonymous

    June 21, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    definitely join an outside gym!

  20. Anonymous

    June 23, 2009 at 8:59 am

    gym it! not worth your dignity, dude.

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