This story is dedicated to all you associates who earn three times more than me and complain about your lives. A little perspective is always refreshing.
I am the only associate in a small family law firm. The senior partner of the firm has been practicing for 30+ years, yet somehow has managed to avoid both learning the law and trying complicated cases. (That’s my job apparently.) On top of that, he’s an egomaniacal sociopath. Among his favorite things to do is to question the intelligence of his staff (myself included) in front of clients, other lawyers, judges, etc. He seizes on any opportunity to say or do something degrading to the people who work for him. It’s no coincidence that the turnover rate at my firm is high.
Today, I set up a meeting, complete with videographer, for our client and her husband-to-be to execute a prenuptial agreement. (The partner loves to showboat for clients, except in court when there’s a chance he’ll be exposed for the fool that he is.) The partner wanted me in on this meeting so I could witness his astounding brilliance and then notarize the prenups. Naturally, the clients were running late so the meeting did not start on time. While waiting, I decided to leave my office to go to the restroom.
I wasn’t gone two minutes when I hear the door to the restroom swing open and the distinct sound of the partner’s loafers clicking on the tile floor. (The partner has an unmistakable gait, and this is not the first time he has stormed into the restroom looking for me. And bear in mind that the restroom on my floor is public, so there are other people using the facility as all of this is transpiring.) The partner bellows, “Are you in here?!?!” I mumble, “Uh, yeah.” He continues, “Well the videographer is here and so are the clients. We’re all waiting on YOU! Hurry up!” I respond, “Okay.” He then says he is going to tell the clients that I am “finishing up a meeting.” That’s when someone else in the restroom who’s witnessed all of this chuckles and says, “Tell them he’s taking an appointment.” The partner retorts, “Yeah, it’s the biggest one HE’LL have all day.”
So here I sit, underpaid, underappreciated and underwhelmed. I’m sending out my resume next week. Maybe the next lawyer job will come with enough money to make the inevitable abuse tolerable. Or maybe I’ll go into teaching.
Report your tales of Associate Abuse. Email them to info@bitterlawyer.com
I went out for drinks last week with a partner I work with a lot. He’s gay, I’m not. We both got pretty drunk, and he sort of hit on me. I think. Nothing too blatant, but he was definitely a little flirty. Asked if I’d ever been with a man, I said no. He then asked if I’d ever thought about it. I said no. Anyway, my point is, it got a little weird. And I’m not homophobic. We work together a lot—and I like this guy—but I’m not into the whole “gay exploration” thing. I think he was probably just drunk. Should I say something to him? Tell him he crossed the line? Make a joke about what happened? He seems a little awkward around me lately.
I’d let it go. If it happens again, have a talk. If not, move on. No need to turn an awkward, drunken moment into an even more awkward, sober moment. If he’s a good guy, he’ll appreciate your coolness.
Got a question for Ex-Bitter? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com
Think your only option is to practice law? Think again. Over the years, 26 ex-Bitters went on to serve as President of the United States. That’s more than from any other profession.
While all of these Presidents were lawyers, and most of them had some formal education, not all of them were law school graduates. Law schools, in fact, are a relatively recent addition to higher education. Accordingly, we’ve listed each President’s alma mater. Where applicable, we have noted their law school, but for many of the early Presidents, the school simply refers to the last formal education they received before beginning their careers.
UPDATE: Need a break from an Ex-Bitter as President? Sorry. No can do. With the likely 2012 ticket between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, it’s a fall choice of Harvard Law vs. Harvard Law.
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QI just started law school. I’m a little freaked out about finals. I know it’s early, but I want to do everything in my power to get good grades. Are there any tricks I should know about?
AUmm . . . go to class, take notes—and make sure you review previous years’ exams. Studying last year’s essay questions is way more important than joining some lame, self-important study group where everyone’s trying to impress each other. You should also talk to some cool (and smart) second years and see if you can check out their study materials/outlines.
One more tip: Avoid all-nighters and self-proclaimed legal geniuses at all costs.
I am a second-year associate at a mid-sized firm in litigation. The practice is fine, I guess. The money is pretty good. My boss is an ass-hat, and if I am being brutally honest, my future here is probably not the brightest. I can probably make better money somewhere else doing something that I would enjoy more. (Probably for another ass-hat boss.)
The questions is: I am thinking about leaving after I finish this second year to get an LL.M. (Master of Laws) in a focus area I really want to practice. Also, I am thinking of doing it in London. What are your thoughts? Bad Idea? Not worth making my already absurd loans, well, more absurd? Need to stay stateside?
To me, LL.M. degrees are pretty much a joke. No one really cares. Why would you want to go to school again to develop a specialty, when you could develop one on the job—and get paid doing it? I guess if your dream is to become a tax lawyer, an LL.M. couldn’t hurt. Other than that, it seems absurd. Unless you just want to regress for a few years, become a student again and party your ass off. That I get. But don’t kid yourself, getting an LL.M. won’t magically open new doors for you—and your new bosses won’t be impressed.
As for the London part of the equation, I feel the same way. It doesn’t make sense, unless you just want to hang out and have a good time in London for a year or two, which I can completely understand.
So, bottom line: Don’t get an LL.M. because you think it’s going to change your career prospects (with the possible of exception of a Taxation LL.M.); do it because you want to escape the real word for a while and have some goddamn fun.
Got a question for Ex-Bitter? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com
I’m a first year at a Big Firm, and I’m close to going nuts. I know I’m supposed to be thrilled to even have a job these days and all that, but I’m still pissed. For the past week, I’ve been working with this Partner on some sort of loan/revolving credit-facility modification thing. (Whatever. It’s billable time.) He’s a pretty good guy, but he never really gives me anything to do. It’s like he just wants me to hang out in his office while he works.
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Regarding future job prospects, is it better to go to a second-tier law school where I would be at the top of my class, or should I go to a first-tier school and be in the middle of my class?
No-brainer. Go to the best (highest-ranked) school that accepts you.
But I have to ask… Why do you assume you’ll be at the top of your class at a tier-two school and in the middle of your class at tier-one school? Do you believe your mere presence at a pedestrian second-tier institution will automatically ensure that you graduate at the top of the class? Yet at the same time, you assume you’ll finish in the middle of the class at some top-tier school—presumably because you’re not smart enough to excel there. Hmmm. So if you go to NYU, for example, you’re destined to be in the top 50%, but if you go to Hofstra, you’ll be top 1%. Guaranteed. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
Anyway, here’s my advice: Get into the best goddamn law school you can. Don’t worry one teeny-weeny bit about potential class rank or any other bullshit. Just go to the best school and, once you’re there, get the best grades you can. End of story.
Got a question for Ex-Bitter? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com
I read your advice to the 2L at a second-tier school in the top 40% of his/her class looking for a Cravath-type job (9/29/08: I’m Nervous Law School Isn’t Worth It). I wasn’t surprised by your advice, but I’d like to get your take on my situation—especially given the deteriorating state of the economy.
I graduated in December 2007 from a fourth-tier school. I was top 9% in my class, an articles editor on the Law Review, Moot Court Team, ran the Tax Law Society, passed the California and Wisconsin bars, and am currently an elbow clerk at a state court of appeals. My clerkship ends in August 2009. Do I have a shot at any NALP firms? Doesn’t have to be a Cravath, but I have seen that most new associates make between $70k and $125k. (Obviously, I’d rather be in the latter camp.) I’m flexible about where I settle—California, Colorado, Minnesota, Wisconsin… What are my chances?
Yes! You definitely have a shot. If I were a hiring partner, I’d interview you in a second. Your resume and real-life experience trump your less-than-white-shoe academic credentials. But more importantly, it proves you’re a go-getter and willing to work your ass off to get ahead. Lots of partners at lots of elite firms will appreciate that.
In a climate of Ivy League-Associate entitlement, your attitude and resume will be exciting to many firms. A friend of mine, a Partner at a top New York firm, often tells me that he loves ambitious, overachieving young lawyers with academic chips on their shoulders. Or, as one prominent ex-partner at Skadden once said, “Give me the top of the class at Fordham over the middle of the class at Harvard any day.”
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but you have a shot. Keep working hard and you’ll be fine. Good luck!
Got a question for Ex-Bitter? Email it to advice@bitterlawyer.com
QI’m a third-year litigation associate who, for my first two years, did a lot of bankruptcy work. I’m not so sure I want to be a partner, but I also don’t want to have to leave the firm. I hear that Special Counsel is a decent gig, though for most associates gunning for partner, I understand it’s a pretty crappy consolation prize. For that reason, I’m a little loathe to ask current special counsel at my firm how they “got” their position.
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Bitter Lawyer is back at it with Bitter Numbers, and we go positive with our five reasons being a lawyer is great. Now, at least.
1You don’t have to work that hard. No, firms haven’t become kinder and gentler—or more sensitive to associates’ “lifestyle” concerns. (Sorry, Stanford Lifestyle Geeks, this ain’t about you!) They just don’t have any goddamn work for you, so there’s nothing to do. Of course, the bad news is that bonuses will be way down. Or non-existent. But, then again, some of you won’t even be around to get your shitty bonuses.
2You don’t have to stress out about picking practice area or legal specialty. There’s no need to worry about whether you should focus on mergers, corporate finance or banking. It just doesn’t matter. You’ll be forced to do whatever work the firm brings in the door whether or not you like it—or even understand it.
3You don’t have to fend off all those pesky headhunters. Now that the world is crumbling, you won’t be forced to take all those annoying search-firm phone calls and entertain all those enticing lateral job offers. Thank God. Life’s so much easier when you don’t have options.
4You don’t have to resent your rich investment banker friends anymore. With Wall Street all but dead, you won’t have to waste all that time whining about your “kind of dumb” friend from college who sells bonds at Lehman Bros and makes five times what you make. And he only works 40 hours a week. And the hardest part of his job is sending crass emails to clients—and taking them to steak joints and strip clubs. Also, you won’t have to spend all that time strategizing among your peers about “how to become” an investment banker some day. Because you won’t.
5You actually love the job you used to hate. You’ve seen your friends get laid off, the value of your stock portfolio get cut in half and your short-term career prospects all but disappear, but the good news: You finally realize that being an employed Bitter Lawyer is a hell of a lot better than being an unemployed Bitter Lawyer. Some call it “perspective.”
Check out other lists, tallies and scores to settle in Bitter by Numbers.
