Contribute to Bitter Lawyer

Fellow Legal Humorists

Image of scribe at deskYes, Bitter Lawyer takes submissions. In fact, we are happy to entertain any creative genius and publish it, provided it meets our guidelines. But, before you pop off that email to us, read on. No, seriously, read on, especially the bold bits.

Submissions

All submissions must be sent to us by e-mail: editor@bitterlawyer. If they don’t meet the guidelines below, however, you may never hear back from us again. Seriously, like we won’t respond because you couldn’t figure out our pretty frickin’ simple guidelines.

Articles

If submitting an article (otherwise known as “text” or “words”), paste the entirety of the article into your email. All of it. DO NOT format the text in any cool or funky way to make things look kinda neato keen. Cut and paste. That’s all we ask. And, please, no attachments. We won’t open any stowaways on your email, especially if they are Microsoft Word and require us to boot up some bloated program to read it.

Articles should be no more than 1,000 words, give or take a few dozen. Honestly, except for exceptional pieces, most articles should stop at 750 words.

Illustrations, Comics, Videos, and Infographlike Substances

These are awesome. If you have one of these, describe what it is in your email and, if available, provide a link or attach it so that we can take a look see. If we like it, we’ll follow up to let you know how to get it to us in the right format for publication.

Pitches and Ideas

Technically, we’ll entertain pitches and ideas. Just let us know what you are thinking. But, obviously, no guarantees, even if we like the idea. Like babies and pizza, it’s always the delivery that counts.

Prior Publication

As a general rule, we will not publish content that has already made the rounds on the web. Yes, “general rule” typically means there are exceptions. Like, real exceptions.

Your Name

Should be at the bottom of your submission, as you would want it appearing in print or online. If you have a Twitter account, let us know that because that’s kinda cool these days.

If for some reason you do not want your name on a piece, please let us know that. We strongly discourage anonymous content, but there are exceptions.

Response Time

Will not be instant, in the sense of physical instant nor Twitter instant. It will be about a week, maybe less, so please be patient.

Some Reasons Why We May Reject Your Submission

These things do not help get your article or piece published:

  • You are a marketer and are just flawging us.
  • You are basically rehashing material and looking for us to provide you with linkjuice. We like our juice, but we don’t share it that easily, bub, OK?
  • Your submission was way too long. Like more than 1,000 words long.
  • Your submission is a rant without a point. We get those a lot.
  • Your submission is objectively offensive. Yes, we know it when we see it.
  • Your submission, well, just isn’t funny or interesting.

Snail Mail

Unless you are submitting something for “Postcards from Lawyers,” do not send us manuscripts or any other materials in the mail. Our PO Box is too small for all that fan mail.